post Mortem

What should I have done to make it better? Am I pushing people too much or too little? Was it the best choice or should I chose something better? Have I use my time wisely?

We Muslim should always muhasabah or do post mortem on ourselves. Every night. I know for sure that I have not use my time wisely. Poor time management. especially when I'm in front of the tube/TV and give myself the excuse that I needed some time to rest and ending up spending too much time on it. Sure, I learn a lot especially from documentary programs like Nat Geo but plus all the advertisement and everything I end up spending too much time on it and having inadequate time for more important things. I should improve that this year, 2011.

A teacher is one of the best person to make a new year resolution since every year we are given new set of students and jobs. The challenges we face every year are different. Even the way I teach the same topic every year are different simply because I have different set of students that need different ways of learning the same thing.

Once, when I was asked by a class to teach the topic of locus. It was not one of my maths classes but since I'm a maths teacher they want me to give light on the topic that they find so elusive. I purposely asked them how do they want me to teach the topic - the traditional way where they are taught to read the clues and react accordingly or the 3D right brain method. I guess I was just trying to provoke their mind to think. Of course they choose the second method. I use myself as an example of a locus, a moving point. And I asked them where should I move so that I'm constantly equal distance from the two boys that I chose as the model. That was a great start for them to think in 3D and to use their right brain. So I taught the topic in 2 periods instead of a week. One boy in that class said thanks to me after he got A for his maths in PMR examination for teaching him on that day.

If I say I will do my best to improve on the areas where I'm weak, that's not going to work well. Simply because my resolution is not strong enough. I have to make a check list of the things I must do to improve and always check whether I follow the list. All talk but no action is not going to change anything.

I feel better after writing this article. Now I know how to make sure to keep myself on the right track. I have to go back to the time when every morning I wake up I have a list in my head of what I must do and achieve on that day. I need to spring into actions. Not just making resolutions. I hope this article will help you out there too.

May Allah bless us all.

How to keep your heart healthy

I have long learned not to be bothered too much by the things that I can't do anything about it. Like if your boss is moody and you see him/her to discuss something without being aware of his/her temperament at that point of time. You end up not having a good discussion or even having a bad experience. You just have to learn to read the cues when the time is right. We learn from experience. The point is, don't get too upset over something that you have no control over it. Such experience is bound to happen once in a while.

How does that keep your hearth healthy? By not making your hearth overworked by pumping too much blood in such short time. If you are upset, that what will happen. It can cause high blood pressure without you realizing it.

For muslim, we are always or try to be in the state salimah or peace. We attribute all the bad experience to the test that Allah has given us in order to make us learn something, gain new knowledge or skill, or simply to make us stronger. Never get upset too easily. That's not an attribute of a true muslim. Like the case of Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him (p.b.u.h). A non muslim female neighbour always throw rubbish at his front door every morning. He never scolded her. And when he noticed that there was no rubbish for a day or two, he wondered what happen to the lady. He gave her a visit and found out that she was sick. He did every thing he can to relieve her of her burden as a good neighbour as though she had never done anything wrong to her. She eventually convert to Islam.

Following Prophet Muhammad's (p.b.u.h) foot steps I did the same thing too. I was scolded once by my junior as though I'm the junior. I was just posted back to my old school after finishing my study leave for two years. She wasn't in that school when I left but I guess now she's more 'senior' than me since I'm just reentering. I accepted some of the points even though I think she misunderstood me but I question her method of conveying her message. Like scolding a school girl, not someone older than you yourself. It was tough meeting her at the corridor after the first few days but I still nodded to her to acknowledge her existence. She was all smiling when she had to come to me for help. I willingly helped her.

I can choose to make foe with her but that's not good for the working environment and for my hearth. I don't want to feel so tighten inside every time I see her. The well being of my hearth is more important than her. I just hope that everyone reading this article will understand this too.

Just be patient. If we are on the right side Allah is always there for us. So why bother about things that you can't control? It'll not change anything anyway. Just concentrate on things that you CAN control like improving your weaknesses, learning from previous mistakes and the such. Prophet Muhammad (p.b.u.h) said a good muslim is someone who is better today than yesterday and better tomorrow than today. Meaning we have to keep on improving ourselves. So don't just brush aside critics cause there could be so truth in it. We can only improve if realize out weaknesses. Weaknesses that others will see better than us ourselves.

Lead a good life. May Allah bless us all.

Maher Zain - Palestine Tomorrow Will Be Free

Every day we tell each other
That this day will be the last
And tomorrow we all can go home free
And all this will finally end
Palestine tomorrow will be free
Palestine tomorrow will be free

No mother no father to wipe away my tears
That’s why I won’t cry
I feel scared but I won’t show my fears
I keep my head high

Deep in my heart I never have any doubt
That Palestine tomorrow will be free
Palestine tomorrow will be free

I saw those rockets and bombs shining in the sky

Like drops of rain in the sun’s light
Taking away everyone dear to my heart
Destroying my dreams in a blink of an eye

What happened to our human rights?
What happened to the sanctity of life?

And all those other lies?
I know that I’m only a child
But is your conscience still alive

I will caress with my bare hands
Every precious grain of sand
Every stone and every tree
‘Cause no matter what they do
They can never hurt you
Coz your soul will always be free

Palestine tomorrow will be free
Palestine tomorrow will be free

Lyrics by Maher Zain

MAHER ZAIN - THE CHOOSEN ONE

Watching this video, I felt that we muslim has gone far from the teaching of Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him (p.b.u.h). The video is the modern manifestation of how Prophet Muhammad (p.b.u.h) had lived his life. He was most kind to his non muslim neighbour even though she always throw rubbish to his house. Noticing no rubbish one day, Prophet Muhammad (p.b.u.h) gave her a visit just to see if there's something wrong with his neighbour. True enough she was sick. His kind attention and care for her had eventually led her to embrace Islam.

Prophet Muhammad (p.b.u.h) was recorded to race with Aishah, his wife. She won when she was young because she was agile and slim. Later on when she gain weight, Prophet Muhammad (p.b.u.h) won the race. Such attention to his wife. He even sew his own clothes and shoes when they were torn, relieving his wife from as much burden as he could. All husbands should follow his steps - the love and care he devoted for his spouses.

Giving drink to dog in a shoe, letting a small boy riding your back even when you are praying, respecting the elders, loving the young ones, taking care of the environment by throwing your rubbish into the dust bin are all parts of Prophet Muhammad's (p.b.u.h) teachings. I feel shame thinking of how much I strayed from the teachings of Prophet Muhammad (p.b.u.h). Yes I followed a lot of Prophet Muhammad's (p.b.u.h) teachings but there's a lot more to be desired. I'm I good enough to my Indian neighbour? I always give food to them especially malay cuisine whenever I cook more but do I know when they are sick? Am I kind enough to stray dogs? I leave some food at my back alley for the stray dogs to eat at night and feed the alley cats as well. Watching the video I knew there's a lot more that I haven't done. Thanks Maher Zain for the inspirations.

May Allah bless us all.

MAHER ZAIN - OPEN YOUR EYES

If a ship is sunken by a great storm and an atheist is clinging to a piece of plank for his dear life, he will ask help from the very god that he used to deny the existence. Every soul knows that there is one and only god. Only the stubborn mind try to deny it.

I have watched a YouTube when a man describes his soulful journey. He was an atheist all right. His new born baby had a terrible heart condition that the doctor said he had a few days to live. Then the man silently prayed to god. "Oh God. If you exist please show your existence by making my baby ok. I desperately want this baby. Please answer my prayer and I promised I will find you and devote myself to you".

The baby miraculously was ok after that to the surprised of all the doctors. The man understood that god has reached out to him. He began his long, long journey in search of the true almighty god. He went to all the major church and met all the major priest but nobody can give satisfactory answers to his questions. Questions that stem out of his study of the bible and the old testament. That journey took him eight years. Then he turn his quest for the truth by studying Islam. Here, he found no contradiction that he so often found in christianity. Today, he is a muslim scholar.

We are so absorb with our heavy schedule and problems that we failed to take notice of all the wonders around and inside us. The signs are everywhere. Signs of Allah. Maher Zain is a prolific song writer. He wrote all his lyrics. There were all so powerful because they were written from the heart - a heart that recognize, love, and submit to Allah. All his lyrics moved me to tears. And a whole lot of many other people too. The lyrics OPEN YOUR EYES has caused a few people to convert to Islam. Simply because the lyrics had answered all yearning and quest for the truth that had been buried inside the heart. All the questions that had been silenced all these while but the lyrics had managed to unlock it.

Let's not deny what's in front of us. May Allah bless us all.

A great success

About 120 students turn out. Ice breaking as the first program really got the kids mixed among themselves. Each group was purposely set up to consist students from every level so that they got to know each other. In their quest to make their group the champion in every activity, they really work together. A lot of barriers are broken down in the process.

What touched me the most is the kids feedback in the 'Coffee Mate' activity. A clever student (the Coffee) was paired with a weak student (the Mate). A Coffee was suppose to be a counselor and interview his/her partner of the problems that he/she is facing to study. Is it personal, financial, or any other type of problem. Then he/she is suppose to give advice. The Mate, on the other hand, was supposed to interview his/her Coffee how he/she study and how does he/she overcome any problems faced. After a period of 20 minutes of doing that, I randomly choose any student, particularly the silent ones. One Coffee said that her Mate has financial problem to begin with. She did not have adequate reference books. Another problem was she didn't have anybody to teach her. So I asked the Coffee what is she going to do about it. She said she is willing to share her reference books and offer her Mate to study with her. To me to achieve this kind of collaboration and team work from a half day program is simply incredible and touching.

One Mate said after her discussion with her Coffee she now realized that she had not been a good daughter all this while since she is always quarreling with her mom. She also realized that there's a lot more that she needed to do to succeed well in her SPM examination. The realization that kids will listen more to their peer friends was the drive behind this particular activity. We teachers had been telling kids all these a thousand times. But when they hear it from their peer friend it was as if it was the first time such thing strike their mind and soul.

One Coffee said his Mate has the problems of spending too much time riding bikes, chatting, playing football and the such. When I asked the Mate to response to that he said he sincerely admitted that he had those problems and he would try his best to improve. A very good self reflection.

One would said that such program should be held at the beginning of the year. I would say it is better to do it last minute than not to do at all. We teachers are learning too on how to handle programs to motivate students. There were four major activities and each one of them produced unexpected results. A lot of confessions, self reflections, realizations, and great presentations.

We embraced each other at the end of the program. Many girls hugged me for a very long time. Some cried on my shoulder. I kissed every girl, a manifestation of my genuine love for all of them. Bond formed and bond sealed.

Good luck to all my girls and boys. Good luck in your SPM examination. May Allah bless us all.

Unexpected response

From the analysis of the program that I do at school, I found out that the form five students were exhausted. To some it is as if their struggle ended after the SPM trial. Some skip classes or didn't bother to come to school at all. As if they are not going to have a major examination (SPM) in about less than two weeks time. So I come out with an idea.

I asked the form five kids that I'm going to do a program to help motivate them in their preparation for SPM and I wanted only around 35 students. The program will have some multimedia show as an added attraction. It's going to be on voluntary basis, so whoever needed to be motivated can give their names to me. The list goes on and on. In the end, about 130 students gave their names. This is totally a surprise for me. It's also an indication that the kids needed some fresh air.

I immediately went into action. After a few discussions with the school counsellor and some teachers, I came out with a tentative program. The program is scheduled next week, just a day before the Hajj holiday. So I don't know just how many will turn out. I guess the lesser the better for quality sake but I just didn't have the heart to reject any name.

I just had a meeting with some of the teachers that will be the facilitators, briefing them of their role and duties. We are suppose to be the facilitators, not speakers. So our job is to initiate students to come out with the right solutions and mental setting after each activity. Everything will have to come out from the students, not the teachers. The teachers understood that. Now it's my job to come out with some of the materials needed in the program. Some downloading to do. Some programs using keynote software in my MacBook.

May Allah help me in my job. Pray for me. May Allah bless us all.

Hajj

Haji Menuju Allah
(Original and translated lyrics)

(English)
Labbaikallah humma labbaik
Labbaikala sharikalakalabbaik
Innal hamda wanni'mata
Lakawalmulk la syarikalak
Going for hajj means going to face Allah the Only God,Bringing heart which is shamed,
Giving gift to Allah,Be careful when facing Him
Every slave going for hajj with good intention
Pure heart and good akhlak,halal wealth and clean heart,Pious intention and good amal
Going for hajj, you must have knowledge about it, So that you complete its rukn(stepwise)
Sah and batal will be observed,So that your amal is not wasteful
going hajj, you must take care of ur akhlak
tertib and akhlak must also be observed
performed it with peace and tawaddu',you must have patience and cooperation, dont be pushing other human
being in haraam, be careful of its rule
going for hajj its not the time for shopping
remember to straighten ur niat/intention
so that ur hajj will b accepted
observed the rule which can ruin ur hajj
get away from maksiat which is wasteful
fear Allah and remember Him always
so that we have soul of a slave

Credits to: Bro Fahi

(Malay)
Labbaikallahumma Labbaika
Labbaika Laa Syarikalaka Labbaika
Innalhamda Wal Ni'mata
Laka Wal Mulk Laa Syarikalaka

Pergi haji
Artinya menuju Allah yang esa
Membawa hati dan diri yang hina
Memberi hadiah kepada Allah
Berhati-hatilah menghadapNya

Setiap hamba
Pergi haji dengan segala yang baik
Hati yang baik akhlak yang baik
Harta yang halal hati yang bersih
Niat yang suci amal mulia

Pergi haji
Ilmu tentangnya mestilah ada
Agar syarat dan rukun tepat sempurna
Sah dan batalnya dapat dijaga
Agar amalan hajinya tidak sia-sia

Tata tertib dan akhlak kenalah jaga
Buatlah dengan tenang serta tawadu'
Sabar dan tolak ansur mestilah ada
Jangan berkasar merempuh manusia

Tanah haram jagalah pantang larangnya
Pergi haji bukannya masa untuk membeli belah
Beringatlah betulkanlah niat kita
Moga-moga haji kita diterima

Jagalah pantang larangNya
Yang boleh rusakkan hati
Jauhkan maksiat dan yang sia-sia
Takutkan Allah yang esa
Ingat selalu padaNya
Agar kita senantiasa memiliki jiwa hamba

Oh no. Not again!

It happened again; for the third time this year. Alin stormed into the staff room to tell me about how Zul has went berserk again and threatened Haziq just because he had said something wrong. He gathered his gang and they punched Haziq. Alin was there trying to stop them but she was pushed away in the process. Alin reported to me that Haziq had taken cover in En. Yusof's room. En Yusof is one of the senior assistants. She also said that En Yusof had tried to find Zul but he was no where to be seen. I told her let En Yusof handle the case first but Alin feared for Haziq's safety. She said Zul professed that he won't be satisfied until he got a few drops of Haziq's blood. I told her not to worry, I'll talk to Zul when the time is appropriate.

Earier this year, Zul got mad at the school's gardener for scolding him. He purposely trespassed the line that the gardener had set up to keep the kids away from the area. When he is mad, Zul is beyond recognition. He will transform into Incredible Hulk and that is not an exaggeration. In that state, he is capable of harming people. When he had cool down, I had a slow talk with him, trying to put some senses into his hard head. He said he would change. Easier said than done.

Second time? I caught him and his two friends escaping class and disturbing another class. The teacher inside that class had asked him to get out but he wasn't perturbed by it at all. I was walking outside the class when I spotted him and his friends. I commanded all three boys to enter their class and stood at the back of the class. The teacher in that class later reported that Zul was like a mad man and screaming his hatred towards me. He said that he would stepped on my head. The next day I got class with him I can't honestly looked at his eyes. It still hurt inside; I need time to heal my wound. I asked him to go to the back of the class. He was resilient and only moved towards the end of the class. Just before the major PMR examination, he asked for my forgiveness. I said I have long forgiven him but I want him to change. Change?

Later on from outside the staff room I saw Zul shaking hand with Haziq. So it was settled then. I was walking at the school canteen, I saw Haziq with a group of form three kids. Zul was sitting at the back quietly listening to the others. I signaled to Zul to come to me. "Oh no, not again!", Zul complained. When he was seated beside me at the canteen I told him that it was I that should say "Oh no, not again!" to him. That was the third time this year he went berserk. I asked him did he knew Prophet Muhammad's [peace be upon him (p.b.u.h)] definition of a strong person? He said no. I said according to Prophet Muhammad (p.b.u.h), a strong person is not a person who is strong physically but instead a strong person is a person who can withhold his anger. Based on Prophet Muhammad's definition, I asked him to rate himself from one to ten. He rated himself zero.

"Zul, we are Abdullah, the servant of Allah. Don't let yourself being the servant of the devil or syaitan by easily going mad. Prophet Muhammad (p.b.u.h) said that if we are mad, if we are standing up, then sit down. If we are sitting down, then lie down. If we still can't control our temper then take ablution or wudhu. Anger is from fire while ablution is taken using water. I really hope I don't ever have to say "Oh no, not again!" to you. Please change." I asked him to think over what I had said to him that night before he went to sleep.

With that statement, I left him. Hopefully I had planted a seed on that day. Maybe the seed won't grow that day. I pray to Allah the seed will eventually grow one day.

May Allah bless us all.

Weekend

My eldest son came back for the weekend. It was one of the rare weekend where I was totally free without any invitation or school program. I immersed myself into cooking for the whole family. Including trying new recipe of murtabak, a traditional dish. I made lots of it and keep some as frozen food inside my fridge. The frozen murtabak can't seem to last long since the request for it is high. It is one of my source of satisfaction - seeing my family loves the food I prepared.

I considered myself as a hard working worker. Staying back late after school to finish my works. But once I'm home, I enjoyed being a wife and a mother. I'm not the best wife or mother or even teacher. But I would rest in peace knowing that I have tried my best. There are obstacles along the way. To me that is part of the colour of life. Life would be dull without obstacles. Just face it positively.

Next weekend will be a packed one. Invitation and programs waiting for me. Just live our life to the fullest.

May Allah bless us all.

Thank you

I have just finished my job taking care of a major examination. I was the chief; a very tedious job due to all the documentation that I have to do and the gravity of the job. If anything goes wrong, I'm answerable to all the big people. I have nine people to assist me taking care of the center.

Everybody understood their job well. And everybody was ever ready to help me out in any way they can. "Is there anything I can do to help?" was a common question asked to me. Therefore I'm always delegating my job to them with pleasure. And they were superb. Par de excellence. Releasing some of my pressure and tension.

Today was the last day we worked together. Coming from different institutions, it felt such a short time to get to know each other better. Everyday we felt closer and closer to each other. I gave each of them a small token as a way to say thanks to them. One of them even bought some cookies and packed drinks for all of us. We had a small feast in a very homely atmosphere. When everything was over, we embraced each other affectionately. Everyone helped me to carry something so that I can be free to say thank you and good bye to the administration of the place. How very thoughtful of them. The youngest among us gave us her wedding invitation.

To have a team that work harmoniously together was a blessing from Allah. We made mistakes but every one was cool about it. No group pressure. Only solid group cooperation. May Allah bless them all. Amin.

May Allah bless us all.

The extra class at home

There was very little time left and I was missing class due to some meeting that I have to attend outside town. The kids are due to take their PMR examination just the following week. I need to give them the last minute touch in order to better prepare them for the exam. So extra class at my house was the solution.

I had a few extra classes at home. Separate session for girls and boys. Without the other sex around, they were very vocal and open. They felt free to ask without feeling shy. I got to discover the topics that they are really weak in when they asked a lot of questions. They were more than happy to study at my home since they got to eat and drink. Hari Raya or Eid cookies were still abundant. It was like a holiday cum study session.

I have done my best. It's up to them now. Whatever result they will get, I rest at peace knowing that I have done my level best to help them up to the very last minute. May Allah bless my effort and their effort with success. Amin.

May Allah bless us all.

A lot has happened lately. I have had two open house. First was specifically for neighbours and my students. The second was for my husband's and my office mates. We moved in to this new house just over a year ago. In our busy schedule going to and from work, we hardly knew our neighbours except for the the few that live close by. In the back of my mind I felt uneasy about that. Neighbours are suppose to take care of each others. To help each others. It got to start from getting to know each other better. The open house provide that opportunity. It's like breaking the ice session. In future when I greet them, it won't be just for formality for they we are no longer stranger to each other. It will be like greeting friends.

My husband's and my office mates have had been requesting for an open house for a long time. They want to see the green garden, the fish ponds, the aquariums of sea and fresh water fish, the minute/mini chickens, the rabbits. How can we not share the source of our contentment at home. Perhaps it could give them ideas to lead a greener life. A house that will relieve you half of the source of stress at work. When my bougainvillea or roses were blooming with a mix of beautiful colours, as soon as I reach home I will stroll into my garden first before stepping inside the house. It was like the flowers were calling me to appreciate their beauty.

May Allah bless us all.

Eid Mubarak celebration

First we went to my husband's hometown down south. There were about 40 of us when we gathered around the meal on the last day of Ramadhan. A rare sight. On the first two days of Eid Mubarak, we went to a few houses. Met older relatives. Old faces that we got to see every year during Eid. Exchanging news. I always have a soft heart for older people. Something that Islam has taught me.

We went back home and spend three nights at home as the kids have requested. They wanted to spent some days studying. All of them are facing major examination after Eid. Then we went on up north to visit my parents. My father sponsored the whole extended family to bowling, the family's passion. Everyone aiming to be the champion this time around. A good activity to bond the family's tie.

On the way back we dropped my second son at his college. Some students were already there, studying for their final. Wishing him good luck, we drove home. Yesterday was my eldest son's turn to go back to his college.

This year our celebration is really simple. What's important is not what we wear or what cookies we prepare for our guess. It's more on meeting love ones and seeking forgiveness from each others. Wishing our elder relatives good health so that they can perform their prayers well. I can see light inside their eyes whenever I wish wish them this and they will hug me in return. In that instant it felt as though our souls have touched.

May Allah bless us all.

The blessing of Ramadhan

Ramadhan is in the third and phase. The phase where muslims are freed from the hell fire if they fill up their time with good deeds. Performing solat tarawwih, listening to tazkirah or reminder, giving alms or sedekah, or whatever it is just to seek Allah's pleasure. It is also the most trying phase since festive mood is in the air and people can easily go astray and immersed themselves in the preparation for Eid Al Mubarak or Hari Raya Aidilfitri. To the point that they abandon performing solat tarawwih in favour of shopping and making cookies. Telivision and radio are filled with Eid song instead of Qur'an recitation. Everything has its price. The higher the reward, the more price you have to pay for it. And being free from hell fire doesn't come cheap. We have to put aside our pleasure to seek Allah's pleasure.

I'm struggling too. Eid preparation is on the way. I have to make sure that I fill up my free time with Qur'an recitation or performing prayer or solah.

My eldest son just came home from his college. The whole family is waiting for my second son to come home soon. Then we can travel to my husband's hometown to celebrate Eid with my mother in law. And visiting my father in law's grave on the morning of Eid after performing Eid prayer. Then visiting relatives' houses to seek forgiveness from each other. That's the spirit, to seek forgiveness.

To all muslims out there, make full use of the remaining of the holy Ramadhan to fill our time with prayers, zikr or remembering Allah and reciting the holy Qur'an. This might be our last Ramadhan. Celebate Eid in the spirit of seeking forgiveness from each other.

May Allah bless us all.

Islam and Muslims

Many people confused Islam with muslims. Both are regarded as a single entity, the same thing. But they are not.

Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him (p.b.u.h), was given the holy task of spreading the words of Allah. Just like Prophet Musa (Moses) and Prophet Isa (Jesus Christ). No wonder Islam, Judaism and Christianity share the same holy land - Baitul Maqdis in Palestin. Palestine is the land of prophets. Many prophets were born or died in Palestine, including Prophets Ibrahim (Abraham), Lut (Lot), Dawood (David), Suleiman (Solomon), Musa (Moses), and Isa (Jesus), alayhimu-salam.

What a Christian does is very rarely connected to his faith and religion but what a muslim does is always regarded as due to his religious belief. Muslims themselves should change this negative perspective by practicing true Islam. In this holy month of Ramadhan, break our fast moderately. Don't fill up our table with all kinds of dish and dessert. Lead a moderate life and pay out zakat to help the poor and needy. Be kind to the non muslims and show our good characters. Prophet Muhammad (p.b.u.h) only have war with those that have confiscated the belongings of Meccan muslims that migrated to Medinah to save their faith. Lead our life just like the way Prophet Muhammad (p.b.u.h) led his life.

May Allah bless us all.

Welcome Ramadhan

The blessed month of Ramadhan is back. Every year each muslim will pray to live long enough to meet Ramadhan again. Not everyone will make it. Ahsan wa sahlan ya Ramadhan; welcome, welcome the blessed month of Ramadhan.

Muslim will fast during the day. No food or drink. When I was studying in US a long time ago, one of my American group member offered me chewing gum. She knew that I was fasting but she though fasting must be like not eating meat, like the Buddhist. She was so surprised when I explained that when muslims fast, not even a single drop of water will go to our stomach. Why? That's the real, pure way of knowing how the poor feel when they were forced not to eat when there's nothing around to eat. If we have experienced the hunger then we will have more compassion for the poor and needy.

It's also a good practice to rest our digestive system that have been over worked for eleven months already. Modern science have proven that most of the modern diseases are caused by food, or rather plenty of it. If muslims eat too much when they break their fast, then they got themselves to be blamed, not Islam. Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him (p.b.u.h) broke his fast by eating a few dates and a glass of plain water. Then he performed maghrib prayer. He only ate his meal after that. A light meal.

Fasting is also a good way to increase our iman or faith towards Allah. Many battle have been won during Ramadhan like the battle of Badar. Palestine was liberated from the Christian soldiers by Sallahuddin Al Ayubi in the holy month of Ramadhan too. For the true, pious believers, fasting will only increase their productivity since they do not have to think or spent much time on eating. Many offices organize religious talk during lunch hour, a more productive activity than eating. Pious workers will not waste their time and will work diligently because they are accountable to Allah, not just their employer. I find myself being more productive in the month of Ramadhan since eating time is spend on work instead.

May this Ramadhan be a better Ramadhan than all the previous Ramadhans. May Allah bless us all.

Perseverence

I was about to go to bed when the movie caught my attention. It was based on true story about John, a delinquent jail attendance and his effort to get his boys to break away from their gang. They are willing to die to stay in their gang. So he created an american football team called Mustang to give them sense of belonging and something worth while to do and to be proud of.

The team has high hope for their first game but they were shattered by their disgraceful defeat of 38-0. Rising from the frustration and to keep on trying was like getting themselves out from a highly pressurized room to the open space outside. If they remain in the room, they will be crushed. If they remain to be a gang member, they will die young. But the journey was really tough. It was team spirit that give them the strength to overcome all hurdles along the way.

In a way, I'm in the same story line. I have a bad team too. Form 3G consists some of the worst boys in the school. They are highly strung kids. Iskandar seldom attend class because he can't wake up in the morning. Jeff was always sleeping in class because he got night part time job that last until 2 a.m. Nizam's uniform defy the school uniform code in every way. A slack that is too tight. A shirt that only fit for an eight year old boy instead of fifteen years old. Just to name a few. I took over the class in March after my study leave was over. Their May mid year examination was too near for me to prepare them for it. I have to write some personal notes on their paper to encourage them to keep on trying even though most of them have '0' for their paper II. How do you tell a child he/she has a future when he/se score zero? That's my job as a teacher. And I did it honestly; not just to cheer them up.

Their PMR trial is less than two weeks time from now. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that each and everyone of them will improve and a few will even produce astounding results. We can only try. Allah will determine. May Allah blessed my efforts.

May Allah bless us all.

The fruit of patience

As I enter the class it was clearly in total chaos state. A group of boys were pushing each other. Desks and chairs were knocked down as some of the boys fell down. Then they will in turn pushed back their friends and another set of chairs and desks were knocked down in the process. One boy was holding a broom and chasing his friend. Once he got to smack his friend, the friend would turned around and chased him back. The girls were talking loudly as though they didn't notice my presence. Nothing I said or did seemed to be able to stop all of them. I took a deep breath and declared that if they can't respect me, I'm going to ask the principal to take me off from teaching this class. Then I left the class and headed for the staff room.

About six students chased after me including a boy who was still holding a broom in his hand. They kept on asking me to forgive them and go back to class. I kept my pace and entered the staff room. They can't follow me inside.

I drank a glass of plain water in order to stabilize my emotion. I can't easily forgive them or they will repeat the same mistakes over and over again. Something that is easily gain in never valued. But I also know that I have to get back to class. It is unethical to leave your class just like that. I prayed to Allah that if this is a situation that Allah has sent to me to change the students, then give me the strength and the wisdom to advise them. I went out of the staff room. Three girls were still waiting outside the door. I instructed them to walk first. They quietly lead the way. At times they looked back just to make I was still behind them.

Inside the class, I instructed everyone to sit on the floor in front of the class. To make me look superior, they have to look up at me. Some of the boys have to be gathered from other class - they have wandered around. I instructed a girl to close the door. I don't want students from other classes to watch. I told them that in my fifteen years career of a teacher, I have never met total chaos like today.

I said that deep inside my heart, I love them very much. Have they ever heard me scold them for asking a question or for asking me to repeat my explanation? Have I ever cancelled the extra class after school because only one of them turn up? Slowly they said no. I told them how I wanted them to think about their future. What will happen to them in twenty, thirty years time if they are not serious with their study? I even cried in class. Some of the girls cried too. I gave them my ultimatum. If they can't behave themselves in my class, I would ask the principal to change their maths teacher. Then I instructed them to go back to their place. They slowly rose up. Some boys were asking forgiveness from me on behave of the whole class. I just nodded slowly.

That was some weeks ago. Now everyone is in class. I received a lot of questions now. Some boys would not hesitate to go to the white board to ask parts that they can't understand. Even Ikhwan happily announced he has bought his first maths exercise book after seven months of school. I asked the whole class to give him a big clap. Allah has answered my prayer before I went back to class on that historical day. Alhamdulillah, all praises for Allah the almighty.

I chose to rise above the situation and to change the students for good on that day, if Allah permitted. And Allah has granted my wish.

May Allah give us the strength. May Allah bless us all.

Bravo kids!

Two of my students went to my house early in the morning to help me load my stuff into my MPV. My husband and son gave their hand. My husband drove me to school and helped me to set up my stall. Many of my students were already there waiting for me. We sprang into action immediately, putting cloth covering on the table, arranging the dishes and lighting the stove to cook the soup.

There was a large crowd especially during noon. Even though I have set a timetable of who's on duty for every hour, most of my students were around to help me out all the time. Some were shy shy at first since they were not used to serving customers. That was their first experience. Some were so bold and carry around yogurt and muffins on a tray and walk around and promoting the items. Many students from other stalls did that too. One boy hang a poster on his neck and went down to the shopping area outside the school to promote his class' stall. A rare sight for sure. Some of my students waited until late evening and helped me to pack up after the carnival was over. They were there for the whole day and never neglect me. As for me, that was one of my most tiring day since I have to stand from early morning. It was around 1.30 p.m. before I took a break and sat down. It felt nice to be able to relief my aching legs.

The event was a great success. It was the event that give me the change to teach my students the meaning of unity, team work, selfless and sacrifice. They learn to be enterprising kids in their efforts to promote the stall. It will be an event to remember to a long, long time.

May Allah bless my students. May Allah bless us all.

School Carnival

The school will be having a carnival this saturday and we are expecting to get about six thousand guests. Almost every student in my class has pledge that their mom will cook something to donate to our class stall. The kids have already come out with a few ideas of what to do with the profit. I told them to concentrate on how much profit we can make first.

I drove the girls to my house after school. While they were having lunch that I had prepared for them, I changed and performed my zohor prayer. Then we had a meeting on what to do and what to buy. Plus making a schedule on who's on duty at our stall on each shift. Getting the students deeply involved in the planning is a way to get full commitment from them. To give them a sense of belonging to the class project. It's a great way to teach them a lot of good values indirectly. Then we went shopping.

My MPV was sardined with seven passengers. All girls. Its easier that way. We went shopping for the ingredients for my meat soup and food container to serve our buyers on that day. There were much excitement and giggling. On the way home, I stopped at a restaurant and treat the girls some light meals. We exchanged jokes and stories. It's a rare sight to see students and teacher being able to talk amicably as though there's no age gap there. Before we eat, I asked the girls to say the prayer in congregation (berjemaah) before eating. I said that's my family tradition even though we eat out. An Indian girl in the group just keep quiet, respecting us. Then we did justice to our food, being hungry after all the shopping.

I sent home every one of them to their door step. I told them to say thanks to their mom for giving them permission to joint my think tank team.

It's not just a class project. It's the project of 43 families. My family and my students' families. May Allah bless our effort with a good profit.

May Allah bless us all.

Parenting

What does it takes to feel happy? Money? My daughter is missing her second brother badly because they used to do a lot of fun things together. Like drawing, baking cakes, riding the motorbike, and just talking to each other; sharing all their sorrow and happiness. Now he is in college for almost two months already. He called home a few times. Sometimes not talking about anything specific. Just to hear the voices of loved ones.

At times my kids will do things that hurt my feeling. Like when they say something sharp at me or taking their sweet time when I called them to perform congregation prayer (solat berjemaah). I'm not the best mother I know but it feel that I'm such a failure when I fail to educate my kids with the proper Islamic teachings. Respect your elders, perform prayer on time, mingle with every family members to preserve the bond that tied us together, be a productive person and use time well, and the such. Good example set by my husband and me sometimes doesn't serve the purpose well. You got to preach the principles too. And kids got so tired of preaching. At times I feel like giving up but I know I can't. What will I answer to Allah? Everyone is accountable to those under their care. Parents are accountable to Allah for their kids. I always discussed with my husband and he will step in to handle the situation when he see that I was hurt. May Allah bless my husband.

As always Allah is always in the life line. I will wake up at night and perform solat tahajjud or night prayer and ask Allah to change my kids for the better. And to give the strength to me and my husband too. There is nothing that we can achieve without Allah's permission. And Allah is always there waiting for us to pray to him.

I have always pray to Allah to make each and everyone of my family members a good example to all those around us. Little Aiman is my halal ambassador. Choosing the sweets he want to buy at the store, he will always try to convince me to buy by showing the halal logo. "Mama, this one got halal Jakim logo". That sentence always draw smiles from all those around us. A message hit the ground. Each one of my kids have their holy mission. And my husband and I are their muallim and muallimah or guru. May Allah helps us in our mission. Amin.

May Allah bless us all.

Google map and google earth

I showed them how to use google map. They gasped. Then I clicked on google earth. There's a plug in that I need to install. At first I wasn't going to do it but since the students insisted on it, I submitted to their request. Once google earth works, there's a lot of "aaahh...." and the such. The exact image seen from a satellite. Plus the difference tone of blue for the different depth of the sea. And the different tone of green and brown for the land. Then I move the joy stick. It was helicopter view or airplane view or spaceship view, depending on your height.

Then I moved on to our housing area. Asking google map or google earth to show the route from nearest town to the school, riding a car. Or the route from their house to the school using walking option. The distance and estimated traveling time are also given by the google map/earth. All these are not comparable to anything that the students have ever experience before. They were so thrilled.

The assignment was to do research on all the unknown ethnics of Malaysia for their sivics lesson. I instructed them to include google map or google earth of the region where each ethnic can be found in their PowerPoint presentation and in their report. School holiday assignment to fill up their time with something useful and interesting. They are pretty excited about it.

One of the best time of being a teacher is when you see the faces of the students being lighten up with excitement for learning something new or for understanding something difficult. Its like the bud of a rose slowly opening up. It makes your day.

May Allah bless all our teachers. May Allah bless all our students. May Allah bless us all.

Happy teachers day

"You smell of cigarette. Stop smoking". I was going from desk to desk to personally monitor each and every one's work. As best as I can in the limited time that I have. Form 3G is the third last class out of 11 classes of form 3. Not every teacher's cup of coffee but I always find it thrilling to teach weak classes. A lot of challenges and it really test my soft skills. "Is the smell that strong teacher?". I nodded and asked him to slowly reduced the number of cigarette he is smoking everyday.

"You are a smart student. Don't kill yourself slowly". He knows I'm not kidding when I said that he's a smart kid since I elected him to be one of the ten mentors in the class. He's in charge of 4 friends under his supervision. Whenever I give exercise, I will teach the mentors first and then they are suppose to teach their group members. I have always use this techniques throughout my career as a maths teacher.

That was my second day teaching his class. And the last day he smell of cigarette. Maybe he had try to reduce his smoking. Today he asked me to give extra questions for him to try at home. "Test your power", as I have always said in class. I showed him roughly the method to solve the questions. I told him he can discuss the questions with me any time, even on the day that his class don't have maths lesson. When I left the class he was deeply engrossed, discussing the questions with his friend next to him. A difficult sight to see in a weak class.

It has always been my experience that weak students are not really weak or stupid. They are just lazy and have very low self motivation. We can't push them and force them to learn. Instead we must make them want to learn. To believe that they are good too. They just have to believe in themselves and work extra hard. That's the soft skill that I meant. Trying very hard to be an inspiring teacher.

Happy teachers day to all teachers. No matter how hard your job is if you can change just one student in your entire career, that's more precious than a diamond. A diamond don't grow. A student will grow into a good person that will create a good family one day that contribute to the betterment of the nation. Thank you to all my teachers for making what I am today. Happy teachers day.

May Allah bless us all.

Just a few words

I was on my way to the computer lab when I saw two boys sitting on the stairway. One was crouching and the other one was talking to the first boy while wrapping his hands on his friend's shoulder. I signaled to the boys to go back to class but they stay put. So I diverted from my original course and climbed the stair to where they were. The second boy immediately went back to his class but the first boy remained. Then I noticed the tears and the distressed look. I asked him what was the problem and naturally he just kept quiet.

I said something about how life is full of challenges and we just have to face it. Its part of life. I asked him to handle the problem wisely. Then I was back on my way. From behind me I could hear him saying thanks to me. I nodded.

Sometime it takes just a few words to light up someone's day. A few words to show that someone does care. A few words to help make it through a terrible day.

May Allah bless us all.

crouching - a position where the knees are bent and the upper body isbrought forward and down, sometimes to avoid detection or todefend oneself : we crouched down in the trench.

stay put - remain somewhere without moving or being moved.

Having the guts to say I'm sorry

I didn't mean to interfere. I was only trying to help. But somehow it didn't turn out that way. Can't back out now. What's done is done. There are countless times when things didn't go as we have planned. Sometimes we offended others even though we meant to help out. Then the atmosphere will be charged with tension.

When I was younger, saying sorry feel like offending myself. Why should I when I didn't mean any harm in the first place? It doesn't matter if I can't look straight into the other person's eyes. It doesn't matter if I can't ask for that person help any more. My pride is bigger than all that.

And there are times when other people offended us. It hurts to the core. But keeping the anger inside is like letting ourselves being burned down slowly. Like a candle slowly burning itself to the last drop. It's not good for our mental health. And it's not good for our physical well being either. We have to learn to forgive others.

Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him (p.b.u.h), was teaching in the mosque. Suddenly he said an ahlul jannah (a member of the heaven) would arrived. Everybody waited in anticipation. Then a young man came in. This happen for three consecutive nights. The same young man would appear after Prophet Muhammad p.b.u.h. declared that an ahlul jannah would come in. Unable to hold his curiosity, a sahabah or a companion of Prophet Muhammad p.b.u.h. followed behind the young man on his way back one day. The sahabah give salam (islamic salutation - 'may peace be with you') to the young man and asked him if the young man could help him. He just quarreled with his family member and he needed a place to stay for the night. Would the young man be so kind as to give him the permission to stay with him for a few days? Yes, why not.

During the few days, the sahabah watched the young man closely to see just how much ibadah the young man performed everyday. The young man didn't wake up in the middle of the night to perform extra prayers. In fact, he didn't see anything special. Not able to hold his bubling curiosity anymore, the sahabah confessed to the young man that he didn't quarrel with his family member. That was just an excuse to stay with the young man. To watch what special ibadah that the young man performed everyday. What is your special ibadah that make Prophet Muhammad p.b.u.h. declared you as a member of jannah for three consecutive days?

The young man answered calmly. There's nothing extra ordinary about my ibadah as you can see for yourself. But every night before I go to sleep I would forgive everbody that has any offence against me. MasyaAllah, praise be to Allah. Can it be that simple?

It is not that simple actually. At least not at first. To forgive others that has hurt us is no simple matter. But to a muslim that seek Allah's pleasure more that anything else, it is the very least that we can do. Just to gain Allah's love. And it is not easy to say I'm sorry either. But I'm learning. For Allah's sake. No, for my own sake. For Allah do not need me. It is I who need Allah.

I'm still struggling to sincerely forgive others. Sincere mean not to mention the offend done by that person anymore. Not even to myself. Never open old wound. People can change. Don't hold their past against them. I should treat people the way I want them to treat me. I must sincerely forgive to be sincerely forgiven by others. May Allah give me the strength.

May Allah bless us all.

sharing to enrich our life

They were reluctant at first. It sound so scary to them. People fear what they don't know. To venture into new field is like throwing one self into the river. Will we be able to swim to the river bank?

I created a ning homepage for the school staffs. A private network just for insiders. To get people to sign up is like asking them utilize a new unknown software. But when they try it, it is fast becoming a tool to get connected. To know what happen to the football and hockey team for example. Or to give vent to their anger when a long planned program was attended by only a few.

I stayed up last night to perform solat hajat, a special prayer asking Allah to grant a certain wish. I prayed for my kids. Their exams are around the corner. My eldest son told me he understood a lot of difficult lesson only when exam is near. Signs that Allah is granting my prayer. When ever my kids tell me they are having difficulty with their study, I will always turn to Allah. And Allah is always near, waiting for us to ask from him.

After the solat hajat, I registered online to attend an Asia Pacific Education Conference as a presenter. I have participated in a university level innovation competition and had won gold medal. I have presented my research at university level alongside lecturers. I have attended world level seminar as participant. Time to venture one step ahead as an international level presenter. All these started after I attended a national level seminar as participant. I no longer fear the unknown because I have make conference as something familiar to me. If my application as a presenter is rejected, that's not a surprise. On the contrary, being accepted is a real shock. I'm just trying my luck. Who knows. No venture, no gain.

Ya Allah, please make niat or intention solely for you. To share my knowledge with others in the hope of making a small difference.

May Allah bless us all.

vent - figurative release or expression of a strong emotion, energy, etc. :children give vent to their anger in various ways.

Behind it all

I always believe there is a reason for everything. Something behind it all. Like when I was small.

My father was a soldier. When we were small he was seldom around. Either he was guarding the jungle or he was stationed in Sabah or Sarawak, across the ocean. Mom was stranded at home with a baby to take care of. I was the eldest. Naturally I have to take over my father's place to manage the family. Mode of transportation was the public bus. No car, no motorbike. I had a bicycle that I used to go to town and buy our weekly food supply. On my way home, my bicycle was laden with grocery bags. There were plastic bags on the front handle and on the back of my bicycle. If ever my tyre punctured, I had to push my overloaded bicycle all the way home, climbing up the steep hill.

If I'm sick, I would ride the bus on my own and went to the army hospital. I registered myself. The nurse on duty had to looked down over the counter to see her small patient. There usual question would popped out of her mouth, "Where's your parents?". I would asked the doctor to give me double dose because my younger sister had fever too but she was afraid to ride the bus with me without any grown up. I was used to doing things for myself.

All the hardship has transformed me into a tough person. I thanked to Allah for the strength all these experiences had given me. It's nothing compared to the strength Gaza people had inside them. Israel regime cannot kill the spirit and strength they had inside them. Their homes, offices and schools are torn down. Their comrades are killed by the day. But their faith to Allah is impenetrable.

So don't complaint about the hardship that we are facing. I have long changed from a person asking "Why me?" to a person asking "What's good in store for me after all these is over?". Always looking forward to the hidden pleasure behind all the hardships. Try to see the benefits behind it all that are waiting for us. May Allah gives us the strength.

May Allah bless us all. Ameen.

laden - heavily loaded or weighed down : a tree laden with apples | [incombination ] the moisture-laden air.