Qiamullail

It's so quiet out there. Even the sound of cricket from afar can be heard. Performing qiamullail or wake up in the middle of the night to perform tahajjud prayer, taubat prayer, hajat prayer and witir prayer, have been one of my source of strength beside reading Qur'an and its translation everyday. It is at this wee hour that I feel so close to Allah. Performing my prayer, I don't have to think about chores not finish yet, dish not cooked yet, and the such. I have no other errand at this early morning hour. My mind and heart is devoted to Allah fully.

I'm not alone in the middle of the night. I feel the angels are praying for me too. Especially Gabriel or malaikat Jibrail. Gabriel is the angel that passed down words of Allah or the Holy Qur'an to Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him (p.b.u.h.). Gabriel is a close friend to Prophet Muhammad (p.b.u.h). At his dying bed, Prophet Muhammad (p.b.u.h) summoned for Gabriel and asked why he is absent. Gabriel explained that he can't bear to see Prophet Muhammad dying. Indeed, just thinking of that moment, my heart is crying. The closing prophet that's written both in Torah or Kitab Taurat and in The Old Testament or Kitab Injil, will meet his love, Allah. The word that Prophet Muhammad (p.b.u.h) utter the most at that final moment is 'Ummati' or my ummah, my people. He is most concern about us, those who live from his time until the day of judgement or kiamah/kiamat. Will we follow the right path? Will we submit ourselves totally to Allah? Will we be saved from the torment of the fire in hell?

The sound of the clock ticking put my mind back to my praying mat. May Allah fulfill all my prayers tonight like Allah has always do to all my prayers before. Some prayers are granted immediately, some take years for special purpose which I will find out later. For Allah knows better what to grant and when to grant those prayers of ours. May Allah forgive all our sins and show us to the right path, muslim and non muslims alike. May we find light and truth and serenity. Ameen.

May Allah bless us all.

The Science of Motivation

Dan Pink on the surprising science of motivation | Video on TED.com

Just got this from my twitter account. Dan Pink talk about how promotion, money and materials that are supposed to be a motivator, only hinder creativity and decrease performance. Intrinsic motivation works better for right brain better in making business and organizational decisions. This is actually part of what Islam teaches. We don't work because of material rewards but instead we works as well as we can to please Allah. As a teacher, my reward is not Anugerah Cemerlang (a reward by Malaysian goverment) but to be the best teacher that I can in order to please Allah (not to please my superiors).

May Allah bless us all.

My ex students

"You are invited", sms message in my handphone. The form 4 kids are organizing reunion party. All form 4 students that have transferred to other schools will be joining.

I went to see my ex students. To catch up on them. While eating, I called up A. He was in form 1B in 2006. I was form 1B class teacher then. "How's your parents now?". His parents are divorced now. They were still married but was having major conflict in 2006. "They are ok now teacher. Not quarreling anymore". So they are on good terms now. "Is your father married again?", I can't help asking that question. "No. He doesn't want to get married. So is mom". "If that's the case then pray to Allah so that they will be back to each other again", I was excited with hope. A was longing for this back in 2006 even though his separated parents can't accept that then. "They will marry each other next year, teacher", my heart leap with excitement. "I'm so happy for you". A smiled at me. No matter what conflict a couple may have, kids always wanted to have a family like everyone else. It's part of their self image. But not everyone have that.

Then B came to me. I hardly recognize him. Even his voice has changed. "Teacher, this is me, B". "Is there any side effect after the accident?". B was absent for a month in 2006. His body has some steel implanted surgically to support him. B was not confident that he will perform well after having a lot of catch up to do after the long absent. I managed to convince him and at the end of the year, his grades improved significantly. We talked about his future planning. After that one by one came to me and discuss about schools, future planning, study, etc.

At home I realized how close I was with the kids even though I am on study leave for two years now. Form teacher or just subject teacher, I knew their background and family. It was my practice back then, to ask about their family before I give them advice. Some come from troubled family. Some have low self esteem. Some have attitude problems. I tackle what I can, in ways that I can. The rest is up to Allah. We can only try. Allah will determine the outcome of our efforts. Realizing this, I will not be frustrated if my efforts bear no fruit. At least I have planted a seed in my students' mind and hope one day the seed will grow into a big tree. Of course, I have made mistakes too. I'm only human. The important thing is to learn from our mistakes.

May Allah bless all our efforts. May Allah bless us all.

Awal Muharram

Today is first of Muharram, 1431 Hijrah. And it's Friday Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him (p.b.u.h.), migrated from Mecca to Medina on Friday too, 1,431 years ago. Leaving Mecca, Prophet Muhammad (p.u.b.h.) homeland, because the people there did not response to his preaching except for a small number. Muslims there received all kinds of hardship, torture, and discrimination for their faith of one, almighty god. Mecca people worship more than one god, something that persist until today for most religions. Some muslims have migrated first before him. All of them left behind wealth, family and homeland, to save their faith. In Medina, Islam prosper until it became the world power.

The concept of hijrah or migrating from bad to good, or from good to something better, is a concept that always guide Muslims in their life. Looking back to my past, I have made a lot of hijrah in my life. Wearing hijab or veil during the time when hijab was frown upon by the general public. Now it's a common sight in Malaysia. Agreeing to marry a man of faith from a poor family even though I was not used to hard life. I have made so many hijrah in order to be a good muslim. Always swimming against the tide. All in order to please Allah. It is my hope that Allah will accept it all.

There are times that I hijrah because of condition. When one venue of dakwah is blocked for me, I search other venue. Dakwah is spreading the teaching of Islam. Islam comes as a blessing to all, muslims, non muslims, animal, plants, earth, etc. Islam teach to be in harmony with everything. Blogging is a hijrah for me, a new way of spreading the words of Allah.

I feel blessed because Allah always give me signs. When I do something wrong or inappropriate, something always happen that made me check back my mistakes. What have I done wrong. A long, long time ago, I lost my temper and cane my naughty, naughty students. I was out of control. Going berserk. Later that day, I accidentally smeared my veil with my black marker. I looked at the glaring mark on my veil. It was a glaring reminder of my mistake. A reminder from Allah. That was the last day that I cane student. I made another hijrah on that day.

Now I'm thinking of the hijrah that I still need to make for the better. Everyday I'm closer and closer to the day that I will meet Allah. I want to be the best I can be on that day, and not worst. May Allah help me in my quest.

May Allah bless us all. Happy Maal Hijrah.

berserk- out of control with anger or excitement; wild or frenzied : after she left him, he went berserk, throwing things about theapartment.

smeared- coat or mark (something) messily or carelessly with a greasy or sticky substance : his face was smeared with dirt.

Visiting Prophet Muhammad

Completing our hajj, we move on to Medina. Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him (p.b.u.h), said if we visit his resting place, it's like we visit him in person. And that's what it feel like every step of the way. The desert wasn't what I imagine a desert would be. No sand dunes but instead the soil is full of stones, big and small. I tried to imagine the time Prophet Muhammad p.b.u.h. and his close companion Saidina Abu Bakr, on their way to hijrah (make a new start) from Mecca to Medina. There must be a lot of maneuvering to avoid the stones. They followed the sea route which make the journey at least twice as far to avoid detection and capture. Journey on foot under the scorching hot sun which lasted for a few days. And there I was, conveniently traveling in an air conditioned bus for a journey that took only six hours.

The first time I set foot on Masjidil Nabi, I was awed. Not by the majestic building, the automatic moving roof or the splendid architecture but by the fact I was visiting Prophet Muhammad p.b.u.h. in person. At Raudhah, the original site of Prophet Muhammad's house, I said all my prayers for it is a place where prayers are granted easily. Leaving the area, my eyes were brimming with tears. It felt as if I had to be pulled away against my will to leave the holy site. But there were a big crowd waiting for their turn. To leave Prophet Muhammad p.b.u.h. behind was really the hardest thing I had to do. Silently in tears I prayed for a chance to return. And my eyes are in tears now. How can I forget that feeling six years ago. Maybe Prophet Muhammad p.b.u.h. will grace me with a visit in my dream. Do I deserve that? Not in the world. But I am praying to Allah to grant this wish I had. May Allah had mercy and compassion on me.

May Allah bless us all. Ameen.

Leaving Mecca

That was as far as I was allowed to go. At the place where sa'e is performed at Safa and Marwah hill. Women who had their period are not allowed to go to the tawaf area around Kaaba. We must wave goodbye to Kaaba from afar. For others they must perform tawaf wida' or goodbye tawaf. Tears rolled down my cheek unchecked. The silent sobbing drew attention to me. Some passerby stared at my soggy, red eyes. I can't stop the tears. The sadness of leaving kaaba is almost unbearable. This is the symbol of unity of the ummah. This is the house that Prophet Ibrahim or Abraham and his son Prophet Ismail or Isaac build to worship Allah. This is where I can connect myself physically with Prophet Muhammad at the very same place where he has been before me. This is where I have spent almost a month praying in Masjidil Haram. I have completed my hajj. It's time to move on to Medina.

With heavy heart, I walked towards my hotel. It felt as though I have left my heart behind. When will I come back? After each prayer in Masjidil Haram I always pray to Allah that one day I can come back with my whole family.

Muslim who haven't perform their hajj or umrah, long to go to Mecca as soon as possible. For those who have, long to go there again. It's a place of worship. It's a place of total peace and tranquility. It's a place that do not recognize the differences of race, color, creed, or political stand. It's a place of unity. It's a place where part of my heart will always be there.

Slowly I entered the waiting bus. As the bus moved away, my tears rolled down again. Moving away, Masjidil Haram seem smaller and smaller until it finally disappeared from my view. I will come again, InsyaAllah. It all seem happened just yesterday and not six years ago.

May Allah bless us all. Ameen.

long - have a strong wish or desire : we are longing to see the new baby.

tranquility - free from disturbance; calm : her tranquil gaze | the sea was tranquil.

Eidul Adha

Prophet Ibrahim (Abraham) told his son, Prophet Ismail (Isaac) that he had a few dreams of him slaughtering his son. Prophet Ismail understood the meaning of the dream. Allah had ordered his father to slaughter him in yet another test of iman or faith. Prophets' dream are true.

Oh father, you will find me an obedient servant. Do what Allah has ordered you to do. I only have three request from you. First, tie me tightly until I cannot struggle at all. Second, take off my shirt so that it will not be tainted with blood. My mother, Hajar, will be sad if she see my shirt full of blood. Let her smell my clean shirt in remembrance of me, her only child. Thirdly, please use a very sharp knife so that I will suffer less.

On the fateful day, while Prophet Ibrahim was walking to the slaughter site, satan appeared and tried to persuade him not to go on with it. Don't you love your son, satan said among others. This happened three times at three different places and at each time, Prophet Ibrahim took some pebbles and threw at satan until he disappeared. He tied Prophet Ismail tightly and went on to put the sharp knife on his son's neck. Just when he was about to continue, Allah has substitute Prophet Ismail with a sheep. Both father and son has undergone the severe test successfully.

Today, while performing hajj, pilgrims will throw pebbles at Jamratul sughra, Jamratul Wusta and Jamratul Aqabah as a symbol of rejecting satan requests just like what Prophet Ibrahim had done. And on 10 Zulhijjah or a few days after that, they will slaughter sheep.

It was very difficult for my husband and I to reach the Jamratul Aqabah on the third day six years ago. The wave of people keep on pushing us back like strong current. We decided to try again later on. I was sad then. It was a lot easier when my husband took my mother in law earlier on. He cannot take us both at the same time for it would be difficult to handle. After resting for some time, we decided to try again on the second floor. Subhanallah, praise be to Allah, there were only a handful of people there then. It seems the big crowd had moved away. I kept on saying Alhamdulillah, thank you Allah, in my hearth.

This year, I send a check to an organization to have my Qurban or slaughtering of sheep done in Palestine. How they had suffered in the hand of Israel. When I celebrate Eidul Adha on 10 Zulhijjah this year (two days more), I won't feel guilty of celebrating it happily with my family while other muslims suffer somewhere else. Hopefully my small contribution will enlighten their day.

Ya Allah, bless all those that has suffer so much just to worship you as the one and only almighty god. Bless us all. Ameen.

Safa and Marwah

The desert was hot and barren. No tree, no source of water, no nothing. She looked at her husband in disbelief. He wanted to leave her and their baby alone in the middle of the desert? Only one question crossed her mind. Is this a command from Allah? Yes, her husband said. Then you must go she said. She watched him walking away, slowly disappearing from her sight leaving behind some water and food behind which finished soon enough. Her baby started crying. She became desperate and started looking for water. In her state of helplessness, she put down her baby and started to run to Safa hill. No water there. So she ran to the opposite Marwah hill. No water there too. The baby keep on crying. In her panic she ran from Safa to Marwah hill to and fro for seven times. Suddenly the baby stop crying and she saw a water pool gushing out at the end of her baby's feet. Subhanallah, praise be to Allah for sending this source of water. Not long after kabilah or groups of travelers stopped there and a town slowly build up.

That was the story of Prophet Ibrahim or Abraham, his wife Hajar and their son, Prophet Ismail or Isaac. When the order came down from Allah to leave his beloved wife and baby son in the middle of nowhere, he abided. When Hajar was told she was to be left behind because it was the command of Allah, she abided. Would you do the same if you are in their position? May Allah give us the strength to be abiding servants.

The town is Mecca. The water source is Zam Zam water that never run dry until today. A lot of the rituals during Hajj are to commemorate the sacrifices that Prophet Ibrahim and his family have done in order to obey Allah. Going to and fro from Safa to Marwah for seven times and ending up at Marwah hill while performing Sa'e during my Hajj six years ago, I can't imagine what Hajar had gone through for the place is indoor inside Masjidil Haram now. No more scorching hot sun on top of our head. No more sand and stone on the ground. What we are doing is nothing compared to what Prophet Ibrahim's family has gone through. Prophet Ibrahim in his prayer has asked Allah to bless his descendants. Indeed all the Prophets that came after him are his lineage.

Ya Allah. Blessed the family of Prophet Ibrahim. Blessed the family of Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him. Bless us all. Ameen.

lineage - lineal descent from an ancestor; ancestry.

Follow the story of Prophet Ibrahim, the father of Prophets, at http://www.islamicity.com/Mosque/ibrahim.htm

That african man in Mina.

He was standing at the side of the road, watching passerby. My husband stopped beside him to buy mineral water being sold nearby. My husband started chatting with him while consuming the mineral water. He is from a country in African continent. This is the third time he went to perform hajj on foot, walking all the way. The first time he came, he was only ten years old, walking with his father. Now he is in the early twenty, working as a religious teacher teaching the holy Qur'an. He doesn't earn much but what little he earn he keep some to perform hajj. My husband was touched. Walking all the way from Africa?

My husband and I make it a point to save every bit that we can in order to perform hajj as early as possible while we are still young and strong. My husband wanted to change to a bigger motorbike to go to work which would take almost an hour to arrive riding a small motorbike. Plus riding a small motorbike for a long time twice a day take its toll on my husband's waist, it sometime aches. But I told him to put everything on hold until we have perform our hajj first. As soon as we can afford it we perform our hajj using the muassasah or the cheapest choice. We did't go using package scheme since it is expensive and would take us longer time to come out with the money even though it is much more comfortable and easier. Choosing muassasah would mean walking eight kilometers to the jamrah area and walking another eight kilometers back to our camp every day for three consecutive days. We don't mind that as long as we could perform our hajj at the earliest time possible.

Meeting with this african guy has made the hardship that we faced pale into insignificant. Our condition is luxury to his eyes since he don't stay in a hotel in Mecca or Medina or living in a camp at Mina. He sleep where condition permit him, having the sky as his cover. Every step he made earned him blessing from Allah Almighty and he made thousands and thousands of steps to perform hajj to get Allah's blessing. Subhanallah, glory be to Allah.

Ya Allah, bless all those who has perform hajj to seek your blessing. And bless all those who pray every day for a miracle chance to perform hajj even though they are poor. Give them the pahala or rewards equal to those who has perform hajj.

May Allah bless us all. Ameen.

Aching heart

It's pilgrimage season again. Today is the 20th of Zul Qa'da. Next month is Zul Hijjah - the hajj month. My hearth has been aching for quite some time now. Longing for the holy places of Mecca and Medina. The memory of performing my hajj six years ago keep on coming back to me especially when I heard friends and relatives taking their flight there.

I envy the stone on the hill along the road to Mecca. They had seen Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him, during his life time but I have not. I still hope to see him in my dream before I die. I envy the birds that hover over heads when we were performing our prayer in Kaabah. They live in the holy land of Mecca while I'm just a visitor.

The first time I performed my tawaf, surrounding the kaabah for seven times, my eyes were brimming with tears and I was speechless. No words can describe how I felt at that time. My heart was filled with many thanks to Allah for allowing me to be a guess. It was the closest I have been physically with Prophet Muhammad, performing a ritual that he has performed long before me at the very same spot. A ritual that signify the oneness of the muslim ummah regardless of country of origin, class or color. Circling around a building that does not have a single picture or idol/statue in it because muslims do not worship things but worship the one and only almighty god that does not have a shape or occupy a specific space. Allah is everywhere. Especially in the heart of the believers.

I have never fail to pray to Allah for a chance to go back there, at least for my umrah or small hajj. Please pray for me too.

May Allah bless us all.

aching - a continuous or prolonged dull pain in a part of one's body : the ache in her head worsened.

hover - remain in one place in the air : army helicopters hovered overhead.

ritual - religious or solemn ceremony consisting of a series of actionsperformed according to a prescribed order

Planting a seed

"When you grow up you will shine like a star". That's the note I wrote to a student in facebook when she request to be a friend of mine. She answered back, "Thank you teacher. I will prove it to you one day". From that day onward whenever she saw me, she will wave her hand to me. I will wave back with a smile. That is one seed that I have planted. One day it will grow into a beautiful and fruitful tree.

People tend to focus their mind on negative things. Not enough effort, not good enough, not smart,.......... Culture and surrounding shape the way we think. I choose to follow the steps of Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him. He can see the strength of everyone around him. He accepted Saidina Ali's opinion (Saidina Ali was ten years old then) when older sahabat or companions wanted to brush him aside. To them Saidina Ali is a little boy not worth paying attention to but Prophet Muhammad taught them otherwise. There is a potential germ in every stone. We just have to give them a chance.

Years ago when I was picking up my then small kids from the house of the baby sitter, she was crying and scolding her third son. He sold his sister's bicycle to buy drug that he was addicted to. It was a sad picture. The mother looked so haggard while the son just looked down on the floor. I need to break the tension. I told her that despite her son's present condition, one day when she pass away, it could be that this is the son that will remember her the most in his prayer. I was planting another seed in the mind of the son. Hopefully the seed will grow one day.

That was almost fifteen years ago. I heard the baby sitter has passed away. But I don't know what happen to the son. I pray to Allah that he will always remember his mom in his prayer everyday. InsyaAllah, with the will of Allah, Allah will grant my doa or prayer. And I always pray for the best for everyone. Life is too short to fill our life with hatred that will only burn us down slowly from inside.

May Allah bless us all with wisdom and guidance. May Allah bless us all. Ameen.

haggard - looking exhausted and unwell, esp. from fatigue, worry, or suffering : I trailed on behind, haggard and disheveled.

Compassion

The sound of baby cat crying at the back alley of my house startled everyone. The pitch is high and penetrate through our ear drum. My kids ran to the back to see what was going on. A small kitten, barely a month old, was crying in the drain. It was drenched with dirt. Such a poor sight. My son rescued the kitten. Later on in the evening we heard the cry of another one. A second kitten was rescued. Now I found myself with two more pets beside the pair of Serama (minute/small) chicken and a pair of rabbit. Even the pet the Allah has sent to us comes in pair. Friends of my daughter saw a group of stray dogs killing a cat the day before. That must be the poor mother of the pitiful kittens.

For a muslim this is an obligation, a responsibility. I can't let the poor kitten on its own. Allah will question me what I have done to save them in the hereafter. That is the day when our mouth can't speak (therefore can't lie). Our hand, leg, skin and others will answer the question what it has done. The eyes will tell what it has seen. The legs will tell where they have gone to. Every part will testify what it has done. I have no excuse not to rescue the kittens.

I bought milk powder for baby animal. And a feeding bottle too. The bigger kitten will drink until it is full. The smaller one require some coaching and persuasion. No wonder it is smaller in size. Litle Aiman just love the kittens. So does his bigger brothers and sister. Thank you Allah for sending these kittens to us. It is a blessing. Rescuing and rearing lost kittens like this will make our rezeki or livelihood and luck to increase. It may not necessarily in term of dollar and cent but may come in term of happiness, serenity, peace of mind and the such. Alhamdulillah, thank you Allah for giving us this chance.

May Allah bless us all. Ameen.

Startled - cause (a person or animal) to feel sudden shock or alarm : a sudden soundin the doorway startled her.

Drenched - wet thoroughly; soak : I fell in the stream and got drenched.

Rahmatan lil a'lamin

I was quite early. Have to. Must make sure everything will go well. Today is one of the two days that I will carry out my experiment. With control group today.

An Indian girl peek inside the staff room searching for a teacher. Since I was nearest to the door, she asked me about Puan N. I asked around and said to her that Puan N was not in the staff room. She looked at me intently. The she asked me whether I have taught in this school before. Yes, until 2007. Then I further my study in 2008 and left the school. I came today to do my research. Then she excitedly said that she have been searching for me for a long time. I taught her Mathematics in 2007 and helped her to obtain B in PMR examination. She can still remember the advices that I have given her. Thank you teacher for making it all possible for her. Now she is taking account class and her maths now is A.

She was in form 3T in 2007. Not my class. But in my extra class, I invited all the form 3 classes. Not many from other class joint me. She's one of them. Form 3T was one of the poor class. To get B for maths, coming from such class, is quite an achievement. Fighting against social stigma and negative self image. All I did was to give my attention, coaching, and encouragement. The rest is up to them.

Islam comes as a blessing to all human kinds, plants and animals. Rahmatan lil a'lamin. Islam has an elaborate code of ethics. As a muslim teacher, I must be fair to all. Help everyone. Even students from other classes.

As I was climbing the stairs, a few boys were descending the stair. They recognize me. One even shout out loud "Teacher, I love you". That stunt me. But I remember saying the same line to my students back then. I'm getting back what I gave them. Love.

May Allah bless all my ex students. May Allah bless us all. Ameen.

Niat (intention)

A few sleepless nights already, preparing the paper. Once that is done, now to prepare the slide. My maid is still on holiday in Surabaya, Indonesia, which means tons of house work for me. This would be my first academic talk as a master student on an official university's platform, alongside lecturers. While watering the plants in my garden, I reminded myself. OK Ummu Ilman, this is a platform to share your findings. Not to show off how great or smart you are. Streak of bad thoughts always come across our mind. That's the work of satan. I reminded myself of the first hadith in Sahih Bukhari:

Umar b. al-Khattab narrated that the Prophet (S) said: Deeds are [a result] only of the intentions [of the actor], and an individual is [rewarded] only according to that which he intends. Therefore, whosoever has emigrated for the sake of Allah and His messenger, then his emigration was for Allah and His messenger. Whosoever emigrated for the sake of worldly gain, or a woman [whom he desires] to marry, then his emigration is for the sake of that which [moved him] to emigrate." Narrated by Bukhari and Muslim.

While moving from plant to plant to water them (and there's a lot of plants in my treasured garden), ideas just come across my mind on what aspect to touch on and how best to present my points to make a long lasting effect. Alhamdulillah, praise be to Allah, Allah always ease me in all my endeavors.

Every presenter is given only 15 minutes to present since there are 17 presentations. Everything went on quickly. After I finished mine, surprisingly the audience clapped their hands. The first presentation to receive such respond even though the event was already in the second half. One of the terminology that I coined in my presentation was repeated a few times by a later presenter which meant that I have made a long lasting effect that I wish for. Thank you Allah for enabling me to share a piece of knowledge. All the praises that I received I return it back to Allah by saying "Alhamdulillah, all praises are for Allah". Nothing is possible without your permission, ya Allah.

To have the right niat or intention is always a struggle. Good deeds doesn't always have good intentions. And intentions is paramount in Islam. As the hadith above say Allah will reward us based on out intentions. The fact that it is the first hadith in Sahih bukhari speaks of its upmost importance in Islam. Ya Allah, please help me to always have the righteous intention in all my actions. Ameen.

May Allah bless us all.

Eid Mubarak

On the morning of Eid Mubarak or Hari Raya Aidul Fitri, my family went to the mosque in my hometown to perform Eid prayer or Sembahyang Hari Raya. The big mosque was flooded with people. Some have to pray on the corridor. The imam recited Takbir Raya over and over again.

Allah is the greatest (3x)

There is no god worthy of worship except Allah

Allah is the greatest (3x)

All praise is due to Allah

Hearing these words (in Arabic) being recited over and over again fill my heart with a feeling of contentment. Ooo Allah..... Indeed you are the greatest. My whole life testify to that. There are benefits for all the things that you have set for me even though I may not see it all. There are things that you set for me that I don't like, only to discover later that I am better off that way. As Allah said in Holy Qur'an - not everything that we like are good for us and vice-versa. Syukur alhamdulillah. Thank you Allah for everything.

Then we went from house to house to meet relatives and friends. We shook hands and ask forgiveness from each others. All quarrel, differences are forgotten in favor of brotherhood. This is the day where satan cried because their works for one whole year to make people commit sins goes down the drain. Praise be to Allah. Non Muslims join the muslims visiting friends. Friendships are tighten.

May this month of Syawal brings happiness to us all, muslims and non muslims. May Allah bless us all.

Tawadduk

After subuh prayer I went down to the hall and listen to Ustaz Zahazan daily tazkirah or reminder. His slot every monday till friday morning at 6.30 a.m in Radio IKIM (91.5 FM) has been my source of self reflection, knowledge, and wisdom for a few years now. May Allah bless him. I will skip my solat sunat before subuh prayer if I cannot make it in time to listen to his slot. Searching for knowledge is wajib or compulsory in Islam while solat sunat is not compulsory but will gain us extra blessing.

This morning he talked about being tawadduk or humble. This is part of knowing who we are. We are the servant of Allah. Whatever we can do and achieved is achieved because Allah permits us to. Being humble to me means, among other things, the more we know the more we realize that we don't know. The more we learn, the more we realize that there is an enormous amount of knowledge out there to be discovered and learned. And it make us feel small in the eyes of Allah for He is all knowing. Allah says the knowledge that He gave us is just like a drop out of the vast amount of sea water.

In this modern world, talking about how a fetus is created from the fusion of a sperm (out of the million) and an egg inside the worm and how the fetus attached itself to the wall of the worm is something common and widely known. But back in the time of Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him [s.a.w]) 1400 years ago when Al Qur'an reveal this, it was incomprehensible by the intellectuals of that time, what more the public. Only the believers will unquestionably accept this. The more advanced science is, the more proof of Al Qur'an is produced.

Doing my master degree in Multimedia in Education, I am in a journey to know more of what I don't know. In the process, the smaller I feel in the eyes of Allah.

Ya Allah, please forgive us for our ignorant. We always do thing that is detrimental to ourselves in our foolishness. Please guide us. Only to You I seek help and wisdom.

May Allah bless us all.

detrimental - tending to cause harm

ignorant - lacking knowledge or awareness in general; uneducated or unsophisticated

The power of doa (prayer)

Where did I put it? Surely I must have put it somewhere. I lost my car key. It was the countless time I lost my things. What will I say to my husband? Try to remember the last time you hold it. That's what they always say. Think and recall. Well, that doesn't seem to work this time. OK. Time to sit down and doa or pray to Allah.

Ya Allah. I turn to you now as I always do in small or big matter. I seek only your help, Ya Allah, since you are the almighty. The one and only. Please let me find my car key again.

Say: He is Allah, the One and Only. Allah, the Eternal, Absolute. He begetteth not, nor He begotten. And there is none like unto Him (Al Ikhlas : verse 1-4).

Then a thought cross my mind. Well, why don't you go and check in the car. Alright. The key is not inside the ignition hole. It's not anywhere easily seen in the car. Maybe I should check under Aiman's car seat. Well, there it is. Lying on Aiman's car seat. Who would have thought to search for it there?

As soon as we enter the car, the rain pour down heavily. My kids need to get to school. Ya Allah, please help me. Please ease me in my chore. Only to you I turn to. When we get near the school, the rain was subsiding. Thank you Allah for answering my prayer. My kids got out of the car and ran towards school. Once they were out of sight, I drove back home. It was then that the rain went back to its heavy state, raining heavily. Subhanallah, Allah is glorious! You granted my doa. Alhamdulillah, praise be to you Allah.

Of course there are times when our doa is not granted. That's because Allah has something better for us. Other times our doa is granted long after we asked for it for Allah knows better what is the best time for it.

Everyday my life is full of doa. Not just in prayer or after it though that's among the best time for it. Allah is always near to us but we always forget that. We forget to doa. According to Prophet Muhammad s.a.w, peace be upon him, doa is the weapon for Muslims. So my fellow Muslims, always doa in your car for a safe journey, in your office when you stumble with problems, when you forget something. Doa for everything. For non Mulims, pray to the one and only god for he is almighty.

MAy Allah give us guidance. May Allah bless us all.

Allah, help me.

Should I allow him or shouldn't I? What should I really do? Ya Allah, how weak and helpless I feel right now. Ya Allah, there is no knowledge that I possess except for what you allow me. I am in such a helpless stage Ya Allah. Help me and give me ideas on how to solve this conflict.

When your kids are small, parents are more concern for their physical well being. Are they healthy enough? Have I prepare healthy food for them? Do they have all that they need to study well? Parents are their providers. When kids turn into teenagers, parents have to be their friends. If not, they will turn to their friends and parents will no longer be an important factor to consider when they make a decision. No matter how close you are with your kids, they will constantly test you to see just how far can they go. It is during such conflict that I feel so vulnerable and weak. Naturally I will turn to Allah. As I always do. In small or big matter.

Allah will always answer my prayers, alhamdulillah, praise be to Allah. There was once when I was driving after a clash with one of my son, I pray to Allah to help me. I don't want to control my kids too much for teenagers hate that but at the same time, I don't want my kids to be out of control. I rest my case with Allah. When I got home, my kid was already o.k and his actions clearly tell me he was sorry. Problems solved without me doing a thing, just pray to Allah.

Once, I was deeply in thought about my eldest son. Suddenly I got the urge to call him. I asked him did he do this and that just before he had his (both) car accidents? He said yes. He was sorry he went against my wish and not telling me about it, to put it softly. I said that was why you met with both accident. Then naturally his next word was how did I know about it? There is no way I should have known.

How did I knew it? Kind of hard to tell. But I always get to know about the things that my kids were trying to hide from me. Sooner or later. And for that I ask them to be careful for I never pray to Allah for something bad to happen to them, but something always happen when they go behind me.

According to Ustaz Zahazan (ustaz is a religious teacher), Allah will give insight to those who;

1) takes care what he eat, it is halal or not. And to avoid eating syubhah food, food that you are not really sure its halal status.

2) follow the sunnah of Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him. Sunnah is the way Prophet Muhammad live his life, the way he eat, drink, up to the way he govern his daulah or kingdom.

3) always read verses from the Holy Quran. Daily.

I have always try my best to do all three. Reading Qur'an everyday. Always look at the label of food that I intent to buy and see its ingredients. Not eating while standing even though it is in a hotel with no seat in the hall, where they serve tea for break. And the such. It is not easy to do at times but for my love for Prophet Muhammad, I did my best. Loving Prophet Muhammad means we love Allah.

I guess that how I knew. Insight that Allah give me. I always pray to Allah to take care of my family. This is another reason how I knew. Because Allah answer my prayer. So Abang Long (my eldest son) if you read this, this the answer how I knew. From Allah.

Verily there is no god but Allah and Prophet Muhammad is the messenger of Allah. One of the many messenger. Including Jesus is a messenger. That's why I love Jesus. To all christians out there, I extend my hand of brotherhood, or sisterhood. To believers of all other other religions, i pray to Allah to give guidance to us. I have always rely on Allah's guidance in raising my kids.

May Allah bless us all.

insight - the capacity to gain an accurate and deep intuitive understanding of a person or thing

Ramadhan

Ramadhan is a busy time. Everything is done according to schedule. Wake up around 5 a.m to prepare sahur, a meal before dawn. Between dawn and sunset, muslims are not allowed to eat or drink. Then we wait for azan subuh, the call for morning prayer. My husband and sons will go to the mosque to perform subuh prayer. My daughter and I perform our subuh prayer at home together. Zohor and asar prayer is performed during daylight. My family has always practice solat berjamaah or praying together, a sunnah or example from Prophet Muhammad s.a.w.

In the evening I will be very busy preparing meals for my big family. Having four grown up kids and one toddler (not to forget myself, my maid and husband), the business of preparing meals is one that requires a lot of energy and thinking. I just cook modestly, taking care not to waste anything in this fasting month. At night after breaking fast and maghrib prayer, the whole family will go to the musolla or mosque to perform isyak, tarawih and witir prayer. Then we will stay on to listen to the tazkirah or reminder given by guess speaker or ustaz.

Ramadhan is trully a madrasah or school. As parents this is the best time for my husband and I to teach the kids to love the musolla/madrasah and mosque and to seek the knowledge of Allah. They can't entertain their sleepy heads or tiredness. No excuse. Even little Aiman enjoys himself meeting other toddlers in the mosque. In this blessed month, musolla and mosques are filled with people seeking Allah's pleasure. Muslims are suppose to carry on this air of submission after Ramadhan is over. That's my wish and hope for my family.

May Allah bless us all in this holy month of Ramadhan.

Sharing is a source of happiness

She's always daydreaming nowadays. Thinking about her hometown. My maid is scheduled to go back to her hometown in Jawa, Indonesia, in another two weeks time to fast and celebrate Eidul Fitri or Hari Raya Aidul Fitri with her family. It has been two years since she left them to find greener pasture in Malaysia, working as my maid.

She has mixed feeling about going home. Happy because she has never ben parted from them before. And it has been two years now. Tension because every family member is asking something from her, baju raya or new dress for Hari Raya, present from Malaysia, and the such. She told me that the burden is on her. She work hard to save money and now everybody want a portion of it. I was astonished with her statement. I told her she shouldn't feel that way. If she put herself in their place, she would feel the same way - eagerly waiting for a sister to come home and to receive gift from her. There is a part of our belongings that doesn't really belong to us. At least 2.5% of it that should be given away to the poor and needy people as zakat. I told her that part of happiness is sharing what we have with others. That is why, I told her, I don't mind if the sweeper that works around my house area asked to fill up her bottle with cool water from my water dispenser. I want to share the rezeki or blessing that Allah has given to me in any way that I can. Especially with people like her that earn a small income as a sweeper. She admit having a sense of wonder of how I can be so unselfish. She wanted to give some charity to the orphanage house in her hometown, to share with the unfortunate ones.

I hope I manage to change her mind setting. Instead of going home feeling burdened, hopefully she is eager to go home and spread happiness to her relatives by sharing. It is not the quantity that matters but the thought.

May Allah bless us all in this holy month of Ramadhan.

Welcome Ramadhan

Ramadhan is indeed a blessed month waited by all muslims. Today, the sky is not hot and fiery as usual. Even the sky is welcoming the blessed month. With the coming of the blessed month, satan cry because they will be chained.

Ramadhan should be waited and celebrated more than Eid Mubarak or Hari Raya Aidul Fitri itself. But that's not the case here in Malaysia. In Middle East, Muslims will take leave is possible to enable them to fulfill the holy month with reading the holy Qur'an, performing prayers, giving alms, attending religious talk. And when Ramadhan is nearing its end, it will be cried upon for fear that we won't be around in the next Ramadhan. Indeed, there are some of our friends that were around in the last Ramadhan but are no longer with us this Ramadhan. Two of my uncles are not around anymore. May Allah bless them both for they are good men, always helping others. So too is Ustaz Asri from Rabbani that is missed by many Malaysians. The next question is, will we be around next Ramadhan?

Ramadhan is a madrasah. Ramadhan teaches muslims to be patient, to stop for a while from our hectic schedule and think about where we are heading after death, to feel for ourselves how the poor feel having to fast when there's no food around to eat, to think about the unfortunate ones like single mothers or orphans. If all these things crosses our mind often, it will feel almost like a sin to eat enormously and luxuriously like many muslims did when breaking their fast. We just defy the purpose of fasting. If Ramadhan is an exam month, just how much mark do we score in term of percentage?

This year when the economy is not so good perhaps we can learn to obstruct ourselves from spending on unnecessary things. My husband and sons will wear the baju melayu that they wore last hari raya. No point buying new one when the old ones are still as good as new. Except for little Aiman, he has outgrown his baju melayu.

Can I make a suggestion to everyone? When buying food at the Ramadhan market, can we buy some cookies and give it to the orphanage house, the poor? Or the very least, offer our prayer to everyone, muslims and non muslim alike. After all Islam is 'rahmatan lil alamin' or a blessing to the whole whole. Blessing to the whole world means to all human kind, tree and animal. Islam has a code of ethic of how we should treat every thing with due respect. Even to tree and animal.

May this Ramadhan be our best Ramadhan ever. May Allah bless us all. Amin.

alms - (in historical contexts) money or food given to poor people.

defy - resist or refuse to obey

obstruct - prevent or hinder

Asri Rabbani

Asri Rabbani, an icon in nasyid industry in Malaysia. For my readers outside Malaysia, nasyid is Islamic song to remind us of who we are (servant of Allah) and we we are going. Asri Rabbani passed away yesterday after he had fallen down before a show in RTM. He cried 'Allah!' when we fell down.

He possess such powerful voice. He can sing both high and low key note well. Most singers can only perform one of it well. He was very versatile and consistent in his dakwah or effort to spread the teaching of Islam through songs.

I was touched when one of his team member told listeners of Radio IKIM that a day before, he asked them all to congregate. There, he asked his team members to work hard for dakwah through commitment to Rabbani group. Rabbani is a big nasyid group consisting of ten or more members. They have been together for almost twenty years since the day of Nada Murni, the old name of the group. He was like a big brother that keeps everyone in his place. He is also their icon.

What strike me most is his consistency in dakwah. He was never involved in any kind of controversy. In music industry, that is kind of hard to do. But he has the strength. Partly because he has a big team members to take care of each other. They have become almost like blood brother. Every Hari Raya they team members will seek forgiveness from each other starting from him first. He is their big brother. And will always be.

He is known to never have said anything that might have hurt other people's feeling. Even when he try to correct his team member, he will do it in the softest way so that they will not have any bad feeling against him. Comparing myself to him in this aspect, I'm way behind. Not comparable at all. Can we learn to be like him? That's one of the legacy that he leave behind. Following the footstep of Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him (saw).

One of his nasyid song that stuck to my mind is Subuh Yang Terakhir. In this song he said if the dawn or subuh this morning is our last dawn, have we said 'I love you' to our loved one like our spouses, parents, kids, friends, etc. What he want to say is don't take our loves ones for granted and always show our love to them. Thank you Asri for the reminder. You will always be in our heart. May Allah put you with those who are near to Him. Amin.

May Allah bless us all.

Business that will never fail

Listening Radio IKIM talking about saving, they mention the old formula of saving is

income - expenses = saving

The new and better formula is:

income - saving = expenses

My personal formula is:

income - saving - infak = expenses

Infak is spending your money on charity for a good and noble cause. I have practiced that formula for quite some time now. In Islam, a small portion of our money/belongings (2.5%) are not ours but belong to the poor and needy. This 2.5% is called zakat and it is obligatory. Anything more than that is infak. Allah has promised all that we has given away in the form of Zakat or infak will be rewarded handsomely.

"Those who rehearse the Book of Allah, establish regular prayer, and spend (in charity) out of what we have provided for them, secretly or openly, hope for a commerce that will never fail. For He will pay them their need, nay, He will give them (even) more out of His Bounty, for He is Oft-Forgiving, Most Forgiving to appreciate (service). Al-Faathir: 29-30

I used to feel that spending money on zakat or infak will affect my expenditure to some extend and will only make room for them if there are leftovers. Now I found out it is when I didn't spent on them that my money is always short here and there. After experiencing this for a few times I now knows better. Now I make some provision for this two noble cause at the beginning of the month before putting money aside for expenditure. Allah has promised in the above chapter in Al Qur'an He will reimburse even more than what we have spend. Actually it is a way to enrich ourselves in ways unimaginable by us. My car seldom give me problems, whenever my kids ask for some money for this and that I always have some to give to them, any financial shortage my saving is always there to the rescue.

Once when I decided to hold on first to my money because both my son and youngest brother will enter university at the same time, I face financial difficulty. What's more, I don't have peace of mind that I always have, I was always worrying about something and that weigh heavily in my heart. Then I realize all these happen because I didn't perform my usual zakat and infak at the beginning of the month. So straight away I transfer some money to help children of Gaza. Alhamdulillah, praise be to Allah, I can breath easily after that. My piece of mind is back. That's the secret.

I'm writing all these to share with you the secret of my peace of mind. I remember my friend Lee or Iching said there are other people's money in our money. How right you are Lee. Nice to have you as my friend.

May Allah bless us all.

What fathers are made of

Most kids are closer to their mom than their father. They will only go to father when they are short of money. Or to seek permission to do something, that is only if the mother insist on that. Meal with mom is cheerful and noisy. Meal with father is a lot quieter and sometime awkward. Mom is the angel, dad is unreachable. Kids complaint that fathers can have amicable discussion with their friends but not with their kids. True and false.

True because outwardly that's what father is - quiet and unreachable. Aloof and unconcern. Doesn't really seem interested. False because they work their heart out to provide for their family. As comfortable as they they can provide. Men generally find it hard to spell out what's in their heart. They just show it. Problem is wives and kids rely on words more than actions.

Being married for twenty years (just celebrate our anniversary), I have long learn to be an intermediate between the two parties - kids and the father. Like the function that US ex-president Jimmy Carter did in his visit to North Korea recently. He managed to persuade president Kim to release the two US female (chinese) reporters. I become the spokesperson for my husband. Tell the kids what their father has sacrificed for them. The things that he has to let go in preference for the kids' needs. Makes them more familiar with their father. Change fear and love to respect and love. I guess that's part of empathy that I always practice.

May Allah bless all fathers. May Allah bless us all.

awkward - causing difficulty; hard to do or deal with

amicable - (of relations between people) having a spirit of friendliness; without serious disagreement or rancor

Aloof - not friendly or forthcoming; cool and distant

empathy - ability to understand and share the feelings of another

(The vocabulary is meant for my kids and others that can benefit from it. And for myself too.)

Teaching my kids

Fetching my kids from school, the car is noisy with comments. "Mama, Ustazah S just gave me 28 marks for hafalan (Qur'an memorized recitation). She gave F a full 40 marks. My hafalan is equal with F!" Talking with my kids in the car on the way home from school and during meals are valuable time for me. I like my kids opening up to me. "Well honey, maybe his tajwid (rules of Qur'an reading) of makhraj (pronounciation) is better than you," I rationalized. "No mama it's about the same. I have already checked that. Well at least give me 32 marks, not 28 only since our hafalan is comparable". When it comes to such reasoning that my kids give to me, I'm always speechless. As a teacher myself, I always defended my kids' teachers. But I know that teachers are just human that are full of flaws. It make me wonder how many students of mine complaint about me to their parents. "Oo.. You are o.k mom. You are friendly when you are teaching". Teaching in my kids school, I have taught two of my kids. Some unavoidable situation - not enough English/Maths teacher, English teacher furthering study in the middle of the year, .... Still as I mention in my previous blog, I'm looking for my weaknesses so that I can improve my teaching.

Once my son complaint to me why am I giving Abu 2 marks in one particular section and he only got 1 marks even though their answers are much the same. I simply told him "because you are my son and I am teaching your class". "This is not fair!" he complaint. "Son, you must understand that I must not just be fair but I must be seen as fair. Every parents and other teachers in the school are watching me to see whether I play favoritism, teaching my own son". My son will turn away in frustration. Once when I hand out their result, some students made a remark to me. "Teacher, why your son only got XX mark? Pity him!". My son was one of the better one in class and they were surprised of his lower score.

I'm glad when I got to teach my own kids because I can make sure they get proper lesson. But it will be a disadvantage to my kids in terms of score and they don't like that. At home, I'm a mother, not a teacher. Not that they don't always listen to me but the problem is they always procrastinate and find excuses not to study with me. Maybe because when teaching my kids at home, I'm a tigress, or close to that.

Now my eldest in already in year one doing his first degree. Kids are leaving the nest so quickly. I must cherish the time I have with my kids. My challenge now is to make sure my second son study with me as much as possible in preparation of his SPM examination. That's quite a tricky business for he is quite elusive.

Cherish our time with our family. May Allah bless us all.

Choices of life

How are you today?

I feel great. It's a beautiful day isn't it?

I had a bad day

Look at the bright side

How can you be so positive all the time?

Each morning when I wake up

I say to myself I have two choices

Be in a good mood or a bad mood

I choose to be in a good mood

What if something bad happen?

I still have two choice

To be a victim

Or I can learn from it

I choose to learn from it

It's not easy to do!

Yes it is easy

You choose how you react to a situation

Positively or negatively

Life is about choices

Every situation is a choice

You choose how you react to situations

You choose how people will affect your mood

You choose to be in a good or bad mood

It's your choice how you live your life

Attitude and perspiration is 98 percent

Fate is not an excuse

How are you after the major operation?

I am great

Want to see my scar?

No thank you

Weren't you scared?

Tremendously. But I choose to live

May Allah bless us with the right choice always