What we choose to be

I was feeling exhausted that I had to take a nap in the morning. I knew that I should start early but my physical condition defied me. My sons and I are supposed to take home our car in a workshop in Senawang which is about 120 km from our house. It was almost 10.30 a.m. when we started our journey. I had to stop at a petrol station to draw some money for the payment. In my haste I took the money first instead of the ATM card. Thus my card was swallowed my the heartless machine. In the end  it was the fifth ATM before I can draw enough money. Wow! What a day. 

At the workshop we had to wait for about one hour under the hot sun before we can inspect our car to see whether the repair work is ok or not. Satisfy with the test driving session, I made the payment. On the way back we fetch my husband's mother on the way. Reached home at 8.00 p.m. and hurriedly prepared dinner. When my husband came home 15 minutes later he was dissatisfied that my mother in law had to wait for the dinner. 

Everything that can go wrong went wrong yesterday. It was an exhaustive day. But as Prof Muhaya said we can't let the environment control us. Instead we must control our environment. I won't let the heavy rainfall that shower my way home to dampen my spirit but instead I enjoyed the scene of water drops running down my wind screen. The hot, long waiting is rewarded by the beautiful driving experience with my newly repaired car. 

We are what we think we are. We feel what we want to feel. We are happy if we choose to be happy.

May Allah bless us all.

Defy - openly resist or refuse to obey : a woman who defies convention

dampen - •  make slightly wet : the fine rain dampened her face.

   • make less strong or intense : nothing could dampen her enthusiasm.• reduce the amplitude of (a sound source) : slider switches on the mixers can dampen the drums

Gaza Buttons

I embark on a project selling Gaza buttons with my students. My husband and a mother of one of my students finance the whole projects. May Allah bless all of them. Yeah, 100% of the profit is given to Gaza. That's just a part of the mission of the project. There are other objectives though. 

First, it's a good way to train my students to sacrifice their time, money and efforts for the cause of Allah. Like I said to my students, we can't talk about going jihad in a war zone if we can't jihad in small scale like this. They collect orders (there are many orders!), put the buttons inside plastic bags, and deliver them using motorbikes or simply walking from house to house. Once they got the payment they will use the money to rolls back into the next phase of ordering, packaging and delivering. 

Second, we are campaigning the students to wear the buttons always as a sign of solidarity with our sisters and brothers in Gaza. If they can't wear the buttons on their school uniforms then they can wear in on their pencil cases. I will discuss about this matter with my school administrators when school reopens in January. I think it will be cool if they can wear it on their shirts and dresses when they go shopping at  AEON, the nearest shopping complex in our area. It's a silent campaign for Gaza. I'm wearing my buttons on my handbag at both sides. You can't fail noticing it. I'm hoping that I can persuade as many teachers as I can to do the same. Well, I'm not really concern with numbers. As I said to my students how many will follow is not our job, it's Allah's job. Allah will choose whom he likes. Our job is to make the campaign works as far as possible.

Lastly, we need to have a project to practice our faith. As an analogy, after learning how to cook a dish, we need to cook the dish. Theory is not enough. We need to make the theory works. 

To all my students, I love all of you because of Allah. May Allah bless all of you.

May Allah bless us all.

Love Allah

It was my first time. I didn't know what to expect. We arrived at RA center right on time. The center places 30 inmates. Some are pregnant, some are nurturing below one month babies, and some have given up their babies for adoption. They are girls that got pregnant out of wedlock. Most of them were sent there by their family members. 

We took our places in front of the girls. After Ros opened the session with chapter Al Fatiha, I gave my tazkirah (reminder)... no. I declared to the girls I'm not any better than them to give tazkirah. Talk?...no. I'm not knowledgable enough to give a talk. I just want to remind myself and I would like to share the reminder with the girls. 

I began with praising Allah, Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him (p.b.u.h), his ahlul bait or family members, his sahabah/companions and all those that has passed down Islam until it reaches us. I drew everybody's attention to the signs of the greatness of Allah. Just how many human being that have lived on earth? Uncountable. So how is it that everyone has a distinctly unique finger print? Unthinkable. That's just how great Allah is.

What is the biggest animal on earth? The blue whale. What is it's size? One house? No, much bigger. One football field? Bigger. So how come the blue whale can only eat tiny plankton? Even the size of a ball can't get through its lung. Why? Well, what if Allah decides the blue whale can eat big things like fish. What will happen? The ocean will dry out of fish and other sea food for sure. That's why blue whale can only eat plankton. 

When we look at a white board we will the notice the black spots here and there. We fail to notice the vast whiteness of the board. Allah has given us so much. So much. But we always tent to look at negative things. We always forget all the pleasure that Allah has given us. 

Then I go through the lyrics of a nasyeed named Muhasabah Cinta - checking our love. In times of happiness we always forget Allah. We even use the good health that Allah has given us to do things that He forbid. But when we are in big trouble and nobody else can help us, we will automatically turn to Allah. Even an atheist will seek help from god in time of danger. In sorrow and in times of test we will put up beautiful, lovely words asking help from Allah. And when Allah takes us out of it we will easily forget Allah back. So we need to Muhasabah Cinta - check back our love to Allah. We must give undivided love to Allah for He is our sustainer. In times of good and bad, our love to Allah must always be pure and sincere.

Attaching a powerful speaker to my MacBook, we sing the nasyeed together twice. Some of the girls cried. Tears that roll down because fear of Allah or love for Allah are tears that will protect its owner from the hell fire. Ooo Allah, bless all the girls in front of me. Maybe in the hereafter they are better than me, I don't know. Please give us all a good ending. Die loving you Allah and you loving us. Ameen.

May Allah bless us all. 

Street Dakwah

"Teacher, can you help us? Some of us wanted to joint Street Dakwah program but we can't go the the venue ourselves. We need someone to transport us". Street Dakwah is a two day program to approach non muslim at public places not to convert them to Islam but just to tell them more about Islam. Participants will be given the theory on the first day and will go down to the chosen site on the next day to approach non muslims.  

Two years ago they look up to me for guidance and Islamic knowledge. I started usrah program to give reminders to myself and to share the reminders with my students. There were not many followers on the first year. I would be lucky if I can get five students for each session. Now the number can go up to almost one hundred.

"OK, I'll seek help from my friends in Ikram, an Islamic NGO. Try to get as many students to go as you can". My students make their own campaign. Seeking friends from Musolla (Islamic Centers) and mosques, launching campaign using their FaceBook (FB) and FB groups. I campaigned through an FB group that was set up specially to do usrah online with my students. Many of my students are in their hometowns since is it a long school holiday now. Some are afraid. Some can't get their parents' permissions. But in the end there are twelve students who can go. We went by bus, together with participants from other places in Hulu Selangor district. 

We were exposed to the common questions that non muslim usually ask like about polygamy, why pray five times a day, the bad acts of muslims, etc. We were trained how to answer each question. Then we have role acting.

The second day was the real test. The biggest problem trying to shed our fear and shyness. What if our friends and neighbors see us? Putting away all those negative thinking and putting Allah's pleasure as our purpose, we went ahead. My students were superb. They have interviewed so many people. My Ikram friends, Mas, praised them so much. I simply said they are not my product, they are Allah's products. Nowadays they are not following behind me but instead I'm trailing behind them. They are moving ahead of me at a very fast speed. I just hope I'm not left far behind.

Some non muslims simply turned us down. No problem. We took it in our stride. Others answer our questionnaire nicely. Some discussed deeply about Islam. They were given a bag that have some pamphlets about Islam is not a religion of extremists, the oneness of god in Islam, Islam a religion of peace, Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) - you should know this man!. To me even if only one of them go home and read the pamphlets, that is good enough. Our duty is to spread Islam, it is Allah who decides whom Allah shall give guidance.

May Allah bless us all.

Wedding trip

We drove  four hours from Rawang in Selangor to Sungai Petani  in Kedah to attend the wedding of my cousin's second daughter. The traffic was quite busy. We arrived around 1 p.m. in the mists of the feast. A wedding is the time to meet relatives, close ones and long lost ones. 

I hardly see the bride before since she's a police. So is her newly wed husband. During festive seasons police are always on call. Her radiance face portrayed her happiness. She wiped the bride groom's face since it's a hot day and he did the same to her. They looked so sweet.

I get to see a lot of aunties and cousins. A hug to ease the longing. Here we gathered to celebrate the wedding and to exchange stories. A lady called up my name. As I turned around I saw an unfamiliar face. She asked me whether I can recognize her. She can recognize me alright. A few wild guesses were wrong. Lastly she introduce herself as Mak Jang Midah, an adopted daughter of my grandmother from my father's side. My grandmother wasn't rich but she had a few adopted kids. Even though her life was hard enough but she adopted kids of even poorer couples. She had a big heart. 

It must have been twenty years since I last met Mak Jang Midah. But she can still recognize me easily. Maybe I don't change much. Just grow older. But she has surely changed. Even my sister can't recognize her. 

We made the five hours trip back to Rawang after spending one and a half hours there. Making an almost thirteen hours trip to and fro just to attend to a wedding is not a small feat. To my husband and me it's a trip of love. A trip to rekindle our ties to our relatives. It's what Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon us (p.b.u.h) taught us. To honor wedding invitations. 

May Allah bless us all.

Usrah session

Another usrah session on friday with my girls at the school's musolla or surau. I'm expecting one of the form three girls would present but it turned out no one was given the assignment. Some miscommunication between me and my committee members. To me it mean I have not conveyed my instruction clearly to my secretary. Just like what my principle always said in our weekly meeting, if there is any problem that arises it mean she is at fault. Always look inside ourselves first.

In my impromptu presentation, I told the girls to always believe that everything is possible with Allah's help. Don't ever think that I'm not clever like that girl. Or that I cannot score in this subject. Or the such. It only shows that we do not trust Allah enough. 

Imam Hassan Al Banna spent a lot of time spreading Islam. To the extent of going to pub to preach. He end up not fully prepared for his final exam. But on the night before his final paper he dreamt that a man in white robe came to him. The man instructed him to open a kitab or book at certain pages. Then they went through it together. Imam Hassan Al Banna was studying in his sleep. On the next day when he opened up his exam paper he found out those pages that he studied in his dream last night came out in the exam. He passed with flying colours.

Allah's help can come in many forms. Never loose hope and always pray to Allah to help us in every endeavor. Put all our hope and dependance on Allah and Allah alone. I hope my girls understand this.

After the usrah session some of the girls followed me to my car. Opening up the car boot, I asked the girls to choose any books that they want to borrow. Some of them have already finished their final exam and I want them to fulfill their times with reading books that will draw them nearer to  Allah.

May Allah bless us all. Ameen.

Learning to be a better person

We stopped by a shop to get some coffee packs for my husband. Adhan zohor, the call for afternoon prayer or rather Friday prayer since today is Friday, can be heard from a far. I commented to my daughter that the shop was still open. The owner should be going to the mosque to perform the compulsory prayer by now. Why was the shop still open? Anyway I went down from the car and search for the product that I wanted. That was when I noticed a lady behind the counter. Ooopppsss... this mean that the owner is no longer around. Probably in the mosque already. Astagfirullah....please Allah please forgive me for thinking badly about the male owner. After paying for the products I hopped back into the car.

My daughter told me an incident that happened to her about an hour ago. She was in a shop looking for something with her classmates. There was a male student inside the shop. He was holding a cigarette in one hand and reaching out to my daughter's face with the other hand. Luckily my daughter managed to duck just in time. That made me feel furious. I asked my daughter did she said something in retaliation? She said no because she is in the process of learning to increase her patience. That statement struck me. I complimented her on her struggle to contain her anger. And I said I'm learning too, learning to think positively about everyone and not to jump into hasty conclusion.

Thank you Allah. I feel that my daughter and I are in your guidance. We are both consciously trying to improve our known weaknesses. And we have no strength what soever except the strength that You have given us. Give us the strength to identify our weaknesses and give us the strength to improve our weaknesses. Amin.

May Allah bless us all.

duck - lower the head or the body quickly to avoid a blow or so as not to be seen

retaliation - make an attack or assault in return for a similar attack : the blow stung and she retaliated immediately.

compliment - a polite expression of praise or admiration : she paid me an enormous compliment.

Stuck between two people?

Stuck between two people? Between our boss and our office mate, between our spouse and our kids, between two dear friends, between whom we would like to help and whom we should help.... the list goes on and on. 

Sometimes I find myself in this difficult situations. It is difficult to decide what to do or who to choose. But should we really choose one of them? In this difficult situations I always pray to Allah to give me guidance as to what to do. Pray to Allah to soften the heart of both parties. And I will always ask Allah to solve my problems for Allah is the best problem solver. In the end Allah will always give me a win, win solution. Not really having to choose one of the conflicting parties but instead Allah will always give me ideas how to make both parties happy. Ideas that come to me as the answer to my prayer. Subhanallah. Praise be to Allah.

Sometimes it just take a few minutes. Sometimes a few days of long night prayers to seek guidance. Sometimes a lot longer that that. But Allah never leave me alone. 

Thank you Allah for everything. Only you I worship and only you I seek help.

May Allah bless us all. Ameen.

Hajj

Nostalgic. My heart will quiver every time I watched TV program on people going to perform their hajj. How I wish I can go to Mecca and Medina again. At least to perform umrah. But as my husband said since we have perform our obligatory hajj nine years ago our priority now is to save money to marry off our kids. My eldest son is 22 years old now. Getting married, according to Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him (p.b.u.h) is completing half of our religion. May Allah ease us on this holy mission.

I remembered watching outside the bus entering the city of Mecca. The stone lining up on the hill alongside the road to me are luckier than me. They were around when Prophet Muhammad (p.b.u.h) was living in Mecca. Looking up the sky above Masjidil Haram, I saw birds circling and hovering above Kaabah. They are luckier than me because they live in Mecca and breathing Mecca's air. 

Ya Allah, bless all the people that are performing their hajj and give them a mabrur hajj.

May Allah bless us all.

Forgiving?

Am  I really a forgiving person? I'm beginning to doubt myself. I saw her from afar but I didn't make an effort to greet her. Being someone lower in rank I should make the first move but I didn't. Her words on that day when I confronted her as to why I'm being evaluated poorly, cut me like a knife. She just brush me off as if I'm an insignificant person. But I know I can't live with this anger and frustration. It will kill me slowly from inside. I have to forgive her for my own sake. Focussing hard on finding Allah's pleasure and not seeking approval from human instead. 

When my heart quiver when I saw her again after a long time, I know that I'm not being sincere to myself. I had to slowly talk to myself to make peace and greet her. So I search for her after the function was over but she was already gone. 

Ya Allah, forgive me for this weaknesses of mine. Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him (p.b.u.h) had gone through worst incident than this. During the battle of Uhud, Prophet Muhammad (p.b.u.h) was bleeding from cuts he received from the enemy but what did he said? Prophet Muhammad (p.b.u.h) pray to Allah to forgive them because the enemy are ignorant. Subhanallah, praise be to Allah. How patience and forgiving Prophet Muhammad (p.b.u.h) is. 

Ya Allah, give me the strength to emulate Prophet Muhammad (p.b.u.h). Amin.

May Allah bless us all.

 ignorant- lacking knowledge or awareness in general; uneducated orunsophisticated : he was told constantly that he was ignorant and stupid.

emulate - match or surpass (a person or achievement), typically by imitation : lessermen trying to emulate his greatness.

My little girl

Reading my girl's blog, I'm astonished of her progress in seeking Allah's pleasure. Just as I'm astonish to her progress with her command of English language. I'm proud of her. 

I've been trying to shape her into being a good muslimah (muslim woman) and the task is never easy. Teaching her to curb her words if it's only to win the argument, to dress up in Islamic dressing code, to feel and act like a girl even though she got four brothers and no sister to grow up with, to like cooking since she was small to prepare her for her marriage one day. 

Raising up my kids I have never and will never claim that I've been successful. Everything works out simply because Allah has answered all my prayers. I try to wake up  at night whenever possible to perform tahajjud, hajat and taubat prayer. Tahajjud prayer is the prayer that can only be performed in the middle of the night, a solid, quiet and serene time where we can concentrate on our prayer since we have no chore waiting for us. Hajat prayer is for special request that we want to ask from Allah. Taubat prayer is to seek forgiveness from Allah from all our sins. It's like preparing a cup of tea. You need hot water, tea leaves and sugar to make a complete cup of tea. Leaving out one of the prayer is like a handicap. 

Allah has always, always been very kind to me. Allah will answer my prayers only when the time is ripe. Allah let my kids make their mistakes and they learn the hard way. After that period of self retrospection, they will come back to my husband and I as obedient kids. Praise be to Allah. Allah don't give what we want but Allah gives what we need. And Allah always know better. 

Thank you Allah for always being there for me.

curb - (verb) to restrain or keep in check : she promised she would curb her temper. 

handicap - a circumstance that makes progress or success difficult : a criminal conviction is a handicap and a label that may stick forever.

retrospection - the  action of looking back on or reviewing past events or situations, esp.those in one's own life : he was disinclined to indulge in retrospection.

Ramadhan the blessed month

Thank you Allah for letting me live long enough to meet this blessed month of Ramadhan. A neighbor of mine passed away just a week before Ramadhan. I have been preparing for Ramadhan for two months. Fasting every monday and Thursday during the month of Rejab and Syakban. 

This year, like a few years lately, I do not target to finish reading the whole Qur'an. I recite the lines and read the translation. Sometimes tears will run down my face. I feel that Allah is talking directly to me. How I feel that Allah is so merciful especially to me. When Allah admonish the infidels I will crinched. Ya Allah, please don't let me be one of them. And when Allah talks about the true believers my heart will quiver. Hoping that Allah regards me as one of them and rewards me with jannah or heaven. And when Allah talks about Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him (p.b.u.h), my heart will dance with joy for Allah is talking about the person that I loved the most. My journey with the Qur'an is a journey of love.

I have been saving up for a few months so that I can give as much charity as I can on this blessed month of Ramadhan. The joy of giving to the poor, the Palestinian people, and my own family members is simply fantastic for I know that Allah will give me a lot more. Never mind if I can't spend much at the shopping complex during the sale of this festive season for I don't need much. I have more than I need. There are people out there that need the money more. My joy is not the joy of having but the joy of giving.

It's incredible how Ramadhan can transform people. Change our routine and change our attitude. When I feel tired I know how the people who went hungry feel. Allah wants us to have empathy by going through the hardship that unfortunate people go through.

Ya Allah, bless us all in the month of Ramadhan. Amin.

Anger

I was mad at my daughter because she refused to search for the missing parking ticket again. Taking a deep breath I said to her that I had made the effort to send her and my two sons to the shopping complex and fetched them again late in the evening and all I asked was for her to search again for the missing parking ticket. And I got a flat no for an answer. When my son came back to the car after getting the spare ticket from the management of the shopping complex, he talked about the animation film they had just watched but I had lost my mood to talk. He realized something was wrong but not knowing what was it. The car was quiet on the way home.

When we arrived home my husband asked my son to help him remove pieces of thick aquarium glasses. I guess my bad mood has affected my son's mood too. He was a bit hasty when putting down the glass and it cracked. My husband was really upset because each piece costs a few hundred ringgit. Thus the whole house was in a bad mood.

Reflecting myself back I realized that I should control my anger. When I failed the whole house was affected by it. It's a chain reaction. If I can control my anger things would have turn up differently. Yes I have the right to be mad at my daughter but it has cost the family a lot. A lesson learned thad I hope I can remember for the rest of my life. I hope you learn something too. As Prophet Muhammad said (peace be upon him), a strong person is not someone who is strong physically but a strong person is someone who can control his/her anger. How very true. May Allah give me the strength to be a 'strong' person as Prophet Muhammad (p.b.u.h) as prescribed.

Ya Allah give me the strength to control my anger.

May Allah bless us all.

In a dilemma?

Sometimes we are in dilemma as to what to do. As to which decision to make. As to which step to take. As to which person to choose. As to whose words to follow. A thousand and one dilemma in our life. To me the answer is always simple - choose the one that will earn us Allah's pleasure.

As human being that is full of weaknesses we tent to follow our heart. I have been married for 23 years now simply because I try as best as I could to put aside my personal feeling and choose what I know Allah wants me to do. It's no easy task. When something goes wrong we always think of doing the worst. That is normal - devil always whisper to our heart the worst thing to do. How do I handle it? I always give myself some times to cool down. Sone private time just to myself if I can. Time to let my anger and my stupid head to go. And let the whisper of angel to fill in the void. As normal human being  we are no angel. Just keep inside our head that it is Allah pleasure that we need to seek in every situation. And Allah will take care of us. 

Subhanallah. Allah has never let me down. It is me that always let Allah down. But Allah is ever so merciful. When I've astray in my words or my actions, there is always something out there to remind me back of the truth. A friend, a bird, the wind, flowers... there're so many things that will give me the reminder. For Allah is always so merciful to all mankind. 

Oo Allah, forgive me for all the second that I forgot you. You are my first love. Everyone else that I love is because of you. Have the mercy to look at my face in the hereafter. Thank you Allah for always guiding me all the way. Thank you for bringing me back to the right path when I've gone astray. There's simply no word to aptly describe my feelings for you. Please forgive all my sins and put me in jannah (heaven) so that I can watch Prophet Muhammad's face too (peace be upon him). 

May Allah bless us all.

What we need, not what we want.

Sometimes there are things that make us feel dissatisfied. Like when we didn't get what we should get. Or worst still when we watched other people get what we think we should get. We felt that there are something wrong somewhere. Well nothing is wrong. It is just that Allah didn't give us what we want. Instead Allah give us what we need. 

If Allah didn't give us what we ask for it is because Allah knows that we will forget him after we get it. Or the test is to make us stronger. Or the time is not the best of time yet. But as human being we are always weak in the face of test.

I had that test today. When I came home from school the windows were not opened. The wet clothes were still in the washing machine. The smell of stale rice hit my nose when I opened the rice cooker. The sink was filled with dried maggie. And my kids are upstair in their rooms. I went upstair asked my son to be my imam in our congregation prayer. Then I voiced out my feeling. I said all these are due to the fact that I didn't educate my kids well. The blame is on me. My son was quiet. 

After the congregation prayer I read chapter or surah Ar Rahman from the Qur'an. One verse Allah kept on repeating in this surah - 'Then which of the Blessings of your Lord will you both (jinns and men) deny?' 

This verse reminds me that there are so many blessing that Allah has bestow upon me. Why in the world should I focus on negative aspects when I'm surrounded with blessing? 

'But for him who [the true believer of Islamic Monotheism who performs all the duties ordained by Allah and His Messenger Muhammad  , and keeps away (abstain) from all kinds of sin and evil deeds prohibited in Islam and] fears the standing before his Lord, there will be two Gardens (i.e. in Paradise)' Ar Rahman:46.

Ooo Allah. Please forgive me. How can I forget your blessings for even a moment. I leave the solution of my problems to you Allah for you are the true problem solver. You are the provider. You are the sustainer. 

May Allah bless us all.

Seriously or relaxingly

Over the two weeks school holiday I was loaded with school works. Yes, the school was on holidays but we teachers have papers to mark, paper works to do, data base to create, etc. But it was still holidays because I got to cook lunch and dinner for my family while doing my school works.

On the first week I was so tied up with the list of things that I need to do. Cooking and other house choses were done like a zombie - almost without any feeling. Too tense to enjoy myself. But on the second week I decided to give myself a break. The four days that I spend at my hometown I didn't bring any school work along. It was time to enjoy the scenic view and the delectable local dishes. And not to forget my mom's nostalgic cooking. The local dishes are superb. I can order any dish from any stall and each and everyone of them are so delicious. I can't have that luxury here in Kuala Lumpur. You have to pick and choose where you want to eat. And laksa in Kuala Lumpur just doesn't taste the same as in Kedah. 

Then back home I squeeze my hobby into my daily chores. Instead of just watering my plants (there are plenty of them) I went to the nursery twice to add some more plants, including vegetable plants. I now have three pots of brinjal and four pots of tomatoes. Not to forget four pots of chilly from two species. I found myself loosen up a bit and have more things to cherish in life. Never mind the number of things that I didn't manage to get done in time. I will find the time to do it later. Never mind that data base wasn't created yet. My family is always more important than my work. Not forgetting my plants. And my fish in the pond. And my chicken in the coop. And the filming of the launching of the water rockets that my little Aiman is making everyday (he watches you tube on water rocket everyday). And listening tot my two sons' experiences at the Pizza Hut working as part time staffs there. And the simplest of all - just sitting down on the garden chair every evening watching my garden.

Thank you Allah for everything. Thank you for each simple and small things. Thank you for this family of mine. Alhamdulillah. Praise be to Allah.

May Allah bless us all.

delectable - (of food or drink) delicious : delectable handmade chocolates.

• chiefly humorous extremely beautiful or attractive : the delectable Ms. Davis.

Hometown

The lush greenish paddy field on both sides of the highway indicated that we are nearing our destination. I just love this scene with stock birds lazing around fishing for small fish. The Kedah's 'islands', as my dad often called it, are small raised up lands in the middle of the paddy fields that placed a few houses with lots of tress. You don't need fans in the middle of the afternoon for the moving breeze from the vast paddy fields had no barrier on its way. If there is flood, the whole area will look like sea. 

Coming back to my hometown rekindled old memories. Staying in the hut in the middle of the durian plantation, it was so much fun for a small kid like me. My uncle, cousins and I would wander around the plantation at the first peak of the morning sun to search for fallen durians. Our midnight dreams sometimes will be disturbed by the sound of the falling durians. I would smile for I wanted to be the first to pick it up tomorrow morning. Hawkers would come around 10 a.m. to buy the durians from us. 

We equipped ourselves with a pack of rice and some dried fish. Instead of frying the dried fish, we would sometimes grilled it on top of the flame. I just love playing around the fire. The mosquitoes didn't really bothered me. 

Sometimes I would quietly take grandma's container from the kitchen to catch small prawn in the big ditch behind Tok Tam's house. I could get a kilogram of it easily. Or I would follow Abang Mi in his quest to catch fish from the river using a special net that he would spread into the water and trapped the fish below. During harvesting season, the irrigated river would be drained from water. That's when the whole village would go down and treaded the muddy shallow water and try to catch fish, snails and the such. 

Things have changed so much now. Thank you Allah for all the good times. Alhamdulillah.

May Allah bless us all. Amin.

Organic garden

For some reason, I was chosen to be in the school's organic garden's committe. Maybe because my house is a living example of go green living. Even though my name seemed to be in almost every new committee being set up recently, I took it positively. Beside, I just love plants.

First we went to a nursery that's giving discount because it wanted to relocate to a new site. My fellow teacher picked up most of the organic plants. That's her specialty. Yesterday we planted all the plants in the plot that was specially set up for this project. Three of us were supposed to decide on the landscaping but in the end I was the one who made most decision since I was there first. The workers of the school were great help. So were some students from the Environment Society. 

I love nature. They come straight from our creator. Nature gives me peace. Nature makes me forget about the things that I haven't get done yet. Nature is a great source of inspiration. 

May Allah bless us all.

Usrah

Seeing my girls progressing with me makes my heart flourish with wonder of the greatness of Allah. My weekly usrah session with them this year witnesses attendance from 50 to 110 students, a number that I can only imagine the last two years when I have around 5 girls only on every sitting. Allah send the five girls and Allah send the 110 girls. Allah will only ask how much I have tried and not how much I have achieved. So the attendance of only 5 girls the last two years didn't bother me much. Hardship in the beginning is the sunnah or the way of Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him (p.b.u.h). 

I can see the progress of my girls in the way they take care of their hijab or clothing, in the way they talk, in the way they carry themselves. And the updates they make in the FB group specially created for them reflects their determinations to follow the way set by Prophet Muhammad (p.b.u.h). 

To me handling the usrah session weekly is more to give reminders to myself. For Allah knows how much I need to remind myself. When I was about to talk badly about other people I will be reminded of myself reminding the girls not to talk badly about other people in the usrah session. Ooppss.. I should follow my own advice first. When I do research to prepare for the usrah session, I'm gaining new knowledge. Gaining khowledge is compulsory for every muslim. When I always talk about doing everything for the sake of Allah, I find myself trying hard to take care of my niat or attention. So I grow and progress with my girls.

May Allah bless all my girls.

May Allah bless all of us.

Right brain students

I was given new 2 classes in the middle of April. The last two classes. As a teacher who had a master degree in education, I taught the classes with  a strategy. Mind map notes everyday. To teach weak students we can't teach each item separately. Mind map makes students being able to see how each part is connected to the others. Mind map makes the students being able to see the whole picture.

I asked them to use different colours to light up their notes. To use their own creativity to come up with different types of mind maps. Today, as promised, I rewarded students that have creative mind maps. The kids surprised me. One girls have mind map in the ocean with fish and bubbles. Another girl have trees that have the name of the topics inside the leaves. One boy have geometric pattern as the background. And my subject is Perdagangan or Commerce. Hardly the subject that you connects with art. 

All these confirmed what I have learned while doing my master degree - weak students are good at visual spatial intelligence. You can say they are right brainer kids. We can only reach them and make them understand if we utilize their right brain. 

May Allah bless all my students. 

May Allah bless us all.

Who? Me?

"You are always cool". Me cool? In what way? "Well, you always do your work quietly no matter what happen". I guess so. I don't want to get mix up in a gossip and leaving my work in order to hear the latest in the grapevine. Muslims are forbidden from spreading bad mouth. Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him (p.b.u.h), regards bad mouth like eating the flesh of our own brother. But being a weak human being, I sometimes found myself doing the very same thing. May Allah forgive me.

"Come and eat with us". I just mumbled that I need to finish my work first. Then my friends commented that I am the type that do my work seriously. Well, yes. Our work is our ibadah, something that will give us reward from Allah. Therefore we must perform our work to the highest quality.

Every night when I go to sleep, I like to think that everything that I have done on that day is beneficial for both me and everyone around me. That I have not been selfish on that day and just think of myself only. That I have cook dinner for my family even though it is tedious. That I have suppress my anger over everyone and try to rationalize why people do what they have done - there must be a reason to everything. That I have forgive everyone on that day. Let me sleep in peace for peace belongs to every muslims that trust themselves upon Allah.

May Allah bless us all.

grapevine - informal used to refer to the circulation of rumors and unofficialinformation : I'd heard through the grapevine that the business was nearly settled.

bad mouth - criticize (someone or something); speak disloyally of : no one wants to hire an individual who bad-mouths a prior employer.

The value of a muslim woman

Entering the driveway of a big building in Kuala Lumpur, I saw a woman puffing away smoke from her cigarette. It was lunch break and she chose to relieve her tension by smoking. The picture of a woman smoking is something difficult for me to swallow. To the western culture a woman is at par with the man and shouldn't be treated any differently. To the muslim culture, a woman is very special and thus should be protected and taken care of. To us a woman is someone who complement the man, not a rival.

Men and women are created differently either biologically or spiritually. Men are muscular and women has womb. Men are tough and women are soft. Men seldom shed tears but women are very generous with tears. With their muscles, men are good at earning income. And with their patience, women are good at raising kids. With all the differences, women do not need to compete with men. What they need to do is supplement and enhance men.

In Islam, a virtuous woman is someone who only display her beauty to her husband, not just to anyone on the street. Therefore she wear her veil or hijab. The veil will also protect her from unwanted attentions from men. A virtuous woman is someone who smile to her husband when he comes home from work and cook for him. Not because she is a slave but because a labour of love is highly rewarded by Allah. She has a choice not to cook but if she choose to cook she is booking a place in heaven. A virtuous woman is someone who don't talk freely just to any man on the street because she value her parents' or husband's trust on her. She always remember her position as a daughter or a wife.

A muslim woman is always protected by her guardian or wali. The wali is her father if she is single and her husband if she is married. In short a muslim woman is highly valued. I am a muslim woman and I am happy knowing that my husband and my sons are responsible towards me no matter what happen.

May Allah bless us all.

A visit at the hospital

I roamed around the hospital looking for my student's bed. The news I got is Ehsan (not his real name) is paralyzed. So I asked the guard the ward for the orthopedics patients. Looking at the name chart, I found his bed's number. As I walked to his bed I can see he was smiling at me. Happy to have visitor. Being bed ridden, a visitor is a blessing to cheer up the boring day.

It all started from a joke he said. He was playing around with his friend in the school's toilet and his friend kicked him at the back of his waist. Back home he started to feel the pain until he can't lie down due to the pain. An inspection at a hospital found there's nothing wrong with him. So he stayed at home and skipped school. One morning he found himself paralyzed. His mother took him to another hospital where a MRI shown that there's a small rupture in his backbone and his spine was full of pus. He was immediately taken to the operating theater.

His mother lovingly put some food into his mouth. She often mentioned Allah's name. What a pious and strong woman she is. Ehsan weight over 80 kgs and just to reposition him in bed is an arduous job. I literally found that out myself. He said he could only move his two hands but he is paralyzed from waist downward. But I saw some movement in his legs so I started my regime of drilling. I asked him to 'move' the muscles of his legs and fingers using his mind. I kept on pushing him until I saw the pillow underneath his legs moved. Then I supervise his exercise using his hands' fingers. He could move them better now. His mother was pretty excited. That was the first time she saw him controlling and moving his legs and hands like that. A major leap. Seeing Ehsan was already tired I told her to keep up the regime of exercise.

I said to Ehsan that maybe Allah destined this to happen to make him ponder and reevaluate his life, his love to his parents, and everything else. As I remember, Ehsan was one of my most problematic students two years ago. He never have any exercise book and was always rooming around the school instead of staying in class. After giving some token to his mother to lessen the burden I left.

Seeing Ehsan I am reminded of all the blessing that Allah has bestow upon me and how I always forget to say thanks to Allah. Thank you Allah for all the blessing, for all the knowledge, for all the experiences that have make me a lot wiser. Thank you for everything, every moment and every second. Alhamdulillah.

May Allah bless us all.

Spectacles

So many things to do. How do I manage my times? Everyday when I wake up, I must have a list in my head of what I should achieve on that day. Weekends are usually dedicated to family. Weekdays are for my job as a teacher. This is the third day of a 9 day school holiday. I'm still not done with marking the students' exam papers. Try as best as I can but I'm always a bit slow at marking papers.

My two kids are recuperating well from their tonsil removal operations. After about 10 days they started eating solid food without feeling pain. Lately we eat outside a lot to spice up the kids' appetite. My husband and I are more concern about little Aiman. Now we can have our peace of mind.

But I noticed that his school books are bare from writing. Like there's something wrong. When I asked Aiman, he said he can't see properly since he is sitting at the back. Oh maybe a minor short sightedness. So two nights ago we took him to see an optometrist. Upon check up, she said the power of both his eyes is a whooping 225! She said Aiman must had the problem for a long time already. I was shocked. We never notice his sight problem. And being a small kid, he never complaint. Luckily I notice his problem from his school exercise book, Alhamdulillah. Tonight he will get his spectacles and he is supposed to wear it all the time to make sure his power won't increase drastically.

May Allah bless us all.

At the hospital

Sitting quietly beside Aiman's hospital bed, I watched his serene sleeping face. Opposite his bed is my daughter's bed. Rarely does a mother took two kids at once to the ward for operation. Both of them have tonsilities - a throat problem. Their tonsil will be removed tomorrow.

Initially it seemed like just a simple minor operation to me until I saw my 7 years oleh Aiman cried when the doctor tried to insert operation needle into his hand. The first try on the left hand was unsuccessful. Then the doctor tried with the right hand. Can you imagine how does a mother feel seeing the doctor moving the needle inside my son's hand from left to right trying to find the blood vessel? It must have cut into his flesh. As for my daughter, only the forth try was successful leaving three unused needle hole. But since she's 17 years old, it doesn't bother her much. I have to bear with everything because I know they will be much better after the operation, InsyaAllah. They both have breathing difficulty. The often inflame tonsils blocked their nostrils, making it difficult for the air to reach their lungs.

May Allah bless my kids with good health.

May Allah bless us all.

The effects of technology

The facebook group was just recently created about two weeks ago. It is a platform for the students of my school who are interested to increase their Islamic knowledge to share reminders from the Holy Qur'an and Hadith. The effect is like a whirlwind. It reached its 100 members yesterday and is fast growing. The kids put up a lot of reminders.

I had some very tough years before trying to build pious students group - trying to follow the footsteps of Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him (p.b.u.h), in educating his Companions. Some sitting will see a big number of attendance but most of the time only a small core group members will attend. But that doesn't bother me much since I know Allah will not ask me how much I have achieved but rather how much I have tried. What I can achieve is in the hand of Allah. I am just a vehicle. It is Allah that moves people to change. But I have never imagine in my life with the use of technology (i.e. facebook) things can spur up like this.

Accidentally I also bought an iPad two weeks ago. I bought Qur'an Explorer apps. Then I bought apps for Qur'an Tafseer. Then I discovered iBooks for all kinds of Islamic books. This mean beside being my personal reading, I can now take a single device to help me in each sitting with the kids.

May Allah help me in my conquest to seek His pleasure.

Passing through life

While waiting for my turn to see the doctor, I talked to a lady sitting beside me. She came with a daughter. Her husband has died a few years ago and she supported her family with doing small business. Her eldest son died in a car accident, the second one studying in a college and her daughter that she brought along that day is a disabled lady. She told me how she has to work hard to support her college son and her disabled daughter. Every time her college son goes back to college she will equipped him with dried mee, milo drink and biscuits for breakfast before going to class. She lamented about her life. That's when I felt I needed to clear the air for her. I told her that thank to Allah, her daughter is a disabled person. If she is born smart, then she would be studying somewhere now and leaving her alone at home.

Sometimes we didn't see the blessing that Allah has bestowed upon us because we are being negative minded. We lead our life grumbling about a lot of things and thus we are missing a lot of fun. All my life I have been trying to be a positive person and I am still struggling with it. Trying to channel my energy to doing something that I can do to improve the situation, instead of complaining about things that I can't change. To focus on other people's strength instead on highlighting their weaknesses. To forgive others sincerely instead of letting the anger burn me from inside. To improve the quality of my work instead of complaining on how much I have to do. To do the household chores with a lot of love even when my kids are not helping me. Ya Allah, thank you for all the blessing You bestow upon me.

May Allah bless us all.

lament - expression of regret or disappointment; a complaint : there were constant laments about the conditions of employment.

Parenting

Time seem to have fly so fast. We sent our first child to his first formal school in 1997. He was seven years old then. Today, the first day of 2012, I am sewing Aiman's school uniform to shorten its length. Seven years old this year, he will start his first formal school next wednesday. A 15 years gap from our first child. It's like the second phase of our parenting life. Three of my kids are already in various universities. My forth child will start her last year of schooling with Aiman.

Some people measure the success of parenting with how good the kids are in their academic life. To us that is the secondary part. The first and foremost criteria of parenting success to us is how good a muslim they are. Are they setting good examples to their friends without having to preach, for actions speak louder than words. Are they performing their prayer in congregation instead of praying alone? Do they say their prayer and sit down to eat? Are they reading the Holy Qur'an everyday?..............

From time to time we have to remind them again the same things that we always reminded them of in the past. For we human always err (make mistakes) and we always forget. Dr Fadhilah Kamsah, a well known motivator, said we have to remind our kids at least 200 times before they can remember. And in most cases we haven't reach that 200 time limit yet. So we will always be patient and keep on reminding. May Allah ease our job as parents. We will be asked by Allah in judgement day wether we have done our best as parents.

Ya Allah. When we pass away let our children remember to pray for us everyday. Amin.

May Allah bless us all.