Most kids are closer to their mom than their father. They will only go to father when they are short of money. Or to seek permission to do something, that is only if the mother insist on that. Meal with mom is cheerful and noisy. Meal with father is a lot quieter and sometime awkward. Mom is the angel, dad is unreachable. Kids complaint that fathers can have amicable discussion with their friends but not with their kids. True and false.
True because outwardly that's what father is - quiet and unreachable. Aloof and unconcern. Doesn't really seem interested. False because they work their heart out to provide for their family. As comfortable as they they can provide. Men generally find it hard to spell out what's in their heart. They just show it. Problem is wives and kids rely on words more than actions.
Being married for twenty years (just celebrate our anniversary), I have long learn to be an intermediate between the two parties - kids and the father. Like the function that US ex-president Jimmy Carter did in his visit to North Korea recently. He managed to persuade president Kim to release the two US female (chinese) reporters. I become the spokesperson for my husband. Tell the kids what their father has sacrificed for them. The things that he has to let go in preference for the kids' needs. Makes them more familiar with their father. Change fear and love to respect and love. I guess that's part of empathy that I always practice.
May Allah bless all fathers. May Allah bless us all.
awkward - causing difficulty; hard to do or deal with
amicable - (of relations between people) having a spirit of friendliness; without serious disagreement or rancor
Aloof - not friendly or forthcoming; cool and distant
empathy - ability to understand and share the feelings of another
(The vocabulary is meant for my kids and others that can benefit from it. And for myself too.)
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Ummu Ilman, I don't talk to my father not till after my mom passed away. My father seldom talk to us (children) when he is back from work which maybe once a week or sometimes once a month. Actually, till now I don't really understand him as a father. Although, now he can talk and chit chat with us but not about his thought and feelings.
ReplyDeleteAsian fathers generally don't know how to talk to their kids. Or wife for that matter. To them, telling their thoughts and feeling is like exposing their weaknesses. They don't see it as sharing like women do. Words is not the only language to communicate with other people. Hugging, touching, making drink, preparing meals, etc. Your father came home once a week or so, working hard, because he want his kids to do well just like kids from well to do family. He want to be proud of his kids one day and that day has come. Tell him thank you for all the sacrifices that he has made. If not in form or words then in form of thank you card. If I put myself in his place, I would keep the card with me for the rest of my life. No words needed. Just mutual understanding. Mutual love. Need to listen to my own advise too. May Allah bless you and your father, Lee.
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