We like to….

It has been a long, long time since I last update my blog. My apology to those who follow me - from California and other places all over the world… or am I losing followers. 

To write for me is to share. To share how to be strong. How to be grateful to Allah. 

We like to be praised for our work. Sometimes we will be discontented because our boss doesn't seem to appreciate our work. If we have this kind of feeling….. and we are bound to have it one time or another……. that means we are not sincere enough. Sincerity in performing our job is to see the good effects it has on people's life even though nobody seems to notice. We forget that Allah notices. We forget that Allah's rewards can come in many splendid forms. Good health, great family, devoted wife/husband, abiding kids, caring neighbors, helpful coworkers,…… the list can go on and on. Instead we limit our happiness to the praise of our boss. Such a wasteful life but many people didn't realize this. 

We like to look beautiful. But we forget beauty is inside our heart. A kind person's face will shine. Sometimes when I looked at a person's face on the street, his/her face look dark even though that person has a fair skin. I guess there's no nur or the light of iman/faith on that person's face. The best make up for our face is a sincere smile that will outshine the sun rays.

We like to do things the easy way. But we forget that it takes 99% of sweat and perspiration and only 1% of genius to produce success. And yet we envy those who work hard to get to where they are now. 

May Allah bless us all. Ameen.

Can you?

Can you forgive someone who has mercilessly killed your beloved cousin and ripped open his chest to chew his heart? Me forgive that? Not likely. 

How do you feel about your neighbor that will give you hostile look and throw litter along your way every time you pass her house to go to work? I think I will just give up trying to be good to her. 

Can you still talk softly to a person who has pulled your shawl from your shoulder until your neck turned red? I think that is not human. I can't imagine I can do that.

If you are a husband, can you imagine going home late at night and called up your wife but she didn't open the door because she was asleep and then you decided to sleep right there in order not to wake your wife up? I think most husband will bang on the door until it reap open or just went away in anger. 

And as a husband can you imagine yourself sewing your own trousers in order not to trouble your wife because you know she has a lot of things to do? I'm the luckiest wife in the world if my husband will do that himself.

Can you? Can we? Well, Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him (p.b.u.h), can. 

He can forgive Hindun, the woman who planned the merciless killing of his cousin, Saidina Hamzah, who grow up as his play buddy. When Prophet Muhammad forgave Hindun, when she became a muslim she always refer to Prophet Muhammad (p.b.u.h) to seek opinion on problems she's facing. When a person hurts my feeling, I will take my time to forgive him/her. The pain is even more severe if that person is very close to me. But I know if I follow Prophet Muhammad's forgiving manner it is for my own benefit. Keeping anger inside us is like keeping a fire that will slowly kill us. I want a happy life, not a sad one. I should learn to forgive. And to forgive sincerely.

Prophet Muhammad (p.b.u.h) was not deterred by his hostile neighbor. In fact when she was absent from her daily chore of throwing rubbish on his way out, he decided to give her a visit. When he found out she was sick, he prepared for her hot broth/soup to revive her health. This act of kindness touched her so much that she convert/revert to Islam. Subhanallah, praise be to Allah. Therefore I should show patient to all my neighbors. And of course be more concern about them. I'm lacking in this area, I  got to admit.

Can I still talk softly to a person who show disrespect to me? I got to abstain myself from doing similar bad thing to that person. The badwi that did that to Prophet Muhammad (p.b.u.h) convert to Islam when Prophet Muhammad (p.b.u.h) admonish his sahabah from hurting the Badwi. Instead Prophet Muhammad (p.b.u.h) still talk softly to him. He has never met anyone nicer than Prophet Muhammad (p.b.u.h) before, masyaAllah. 

When Aisyah didn't open the door in the middle of the night, Prophet Muhammad (p.b.u.h) took the shawl from his shoulder and spread it on the floor. That was his bed for the night. In the morning when Aisyah woke up, she suddenly remember that her husband didn't come back last night. She rushed to open the door and was so shock to see Prophet Muhammad (p.b.u.h) sleeping on the floor. She apologized profusely. Prophet Muhammad (p.b.u.h) apologized back to her for coming home late and disturb her sleep. So sweet. No two people can be more in love with each other.

Prophet Muhammad (p.b.u.h) is not a type of husband who always order his wife around. Instead he would do a lot of thing himself in the house even though he's the head of the country. No one else can be more humble than him.

To love Prophet Muhammad (p.b.u.h) is to emulate him. To follow his manners, his doings, his way of life, his diet, his temperament, his mood, his good nature, his smile, his salam, and thousands more. Oo.. Allah, give me the wiseness to know my prophet more and to follow him in every way I can. And put me in Jannah/paradise near my prophet so that I can look at him all the time. Please grant this wish of mine. Allah humman amin.

May Allah bless us all. 

 deter - discourage (someone) from doing something, typically by instilling doubt or fear of the consequences: only a health problem would deter him from seeking re-election.

 abstain - restrain oneself from doing or enjoying something: abstaining from chocolate.

 admonish - warn or reprimand someone firmly: she admonished me for appearing at breakfast unshaven | “You mustn'tsay that, Shiona,” Ruth admonished her.

profuse - (esp. of something offered or discharged) exuberantly plentiful; abundant: I offered my profuse apologies.

emulate - match or surpass (a person or achievement), typically by imitation: lesser men trying to emulate his greatness.

temperament - a person's nature, esp. as it permanently affects their behavior: she had an artistic temperament.

To do, not just to say

'Thank you for your cooperation', that's my tag line at the end of every session. They are considered as weak and problematic students. The good students are placed at the first center. I'm in charge of the second center throughout the examination with a few teachers under me. I opt to use two approach at the same time - to be both strict and friendly at the same time.  

'Those who didn't tuck in their shirt can't enter the hall'. One example of how strict I am. But at the same time I always say thanks for all the cooperation they render to me - entering the hall on time, being quiet while my team count the papers, etc. Nobody was allowed to go before time was up and even though some tried by giving excuse their relative died and the such, I didn't allow since they didn't provide any proof. But they adhere to my every command. On the last day I praised them for being very disciplined, even more disciplined than students in the first center since some of them went out early before time was up. They applauded me when I said this.

They are used to being labelled as naughty. They are used to being yelled at. They are used to being indiscipline. So when they abide to my every command and got praised for it, their spirit soars so high to the sky. 

At the end of the six day stint, some of the students went to the stage to shake hands and say thank you to us - a move that moved our heart. Maybe because we have moved their heart.

Children that grow up in hostility will give hostile. Children who grow up in love will give love to the world. We can't instruct them to be what they are suppose to be but we must show them the right manners. Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him (p.b.u.h), won his enemies' heart not by sword but by his exemplary manners. Showing love to those who hurt him in the past. I'm far from being as strong as Prophet Muhammad (p.b.u.h) but I'm trying to emulate him in every way I can, as far as I can. May Allah place me near Prophet Muhammad (p.b.u.h) in heaven or jannah. Allah humma amin. 

 opt - make a choice from a range of possibilities: consumers will opt for low-priced goods | [ with infinitive ]: students opting to continue with physics.

 render - provide or give (a service, help, etc.): money serves as a reward for services rendered | Mrs. Evanswould render assistance to those she thought were in real need.

 adhere -  believe in and follow the practices of: the people adhere to the Muslim religion.

 stint -  a person's fixed or allotted period of work: his varied career included a stint as a magician.

Guess of Allah

Hajj is around the corner. It's in the air. The spirit is in those who understand the meaning and wisdom of sacrifice. 

My husband and I have performed our hajj ten years ago together with my mother in law. How I wish I can do it again. Perform my hajj better than the last one. But there are thousands and thousands of people in the waiting list. I'm just thankful that Allah has chosen my husband and me to be his guests when we were below 40 years old as we targeted. 

It was hard trying to save every cent we can back then. We were struggling in our career. We had our saving but when we moved to the house that we bought to avoid paying rent, we had to puncture our saving to do the basic thing to make the house comfortable. Our saving was depleting. Then we got the official letter from Tabung Haji stating that we were chosen to go that year and we were given about 2 months to complete the amount of payment in our account. I was both elated and devastated. Happy that I was chosen but sad that our saving was way, way from enough. Beside the two of us, both my inlaws were chosen too. We had just enough money for three, not four. I was the natural choice to be left behind. We went to Tabung Haji to ask for extra time to fill up my account but the answer was no.  My husband's office mate offered us a loan but we rejected it because that would mean we can't afford it and thus we are not eligible to go yet actually. After that I was like a living dead; doing my every chores but my mind was somewhere else.

I was going through my file cabinet in search of a document when I noticed my kids' Tabung Haji saving books. Looking through inside, I noticed that each one of my four kids had more than one thousand in their accounts. Feeling ecstatic, I called up my four kids and we had a heart to heart discussion. I explained my predicament  to them and they were glad that they can help by financing me with their saving. I managed to fill up my account just in time. Alhamdulillah, praise be to Allah. But my father in law died of heart attack during Ramadhan that year and we had to postponed our hajj for one year so that my mother in law can finished her moaning period of 4 months and 10 days as prescribed by Islam.

When we set our heart to perform our hajj and we think about it every day, Allah will make it happen in one way or another. I have heard lots of story about poor people who always pray to Allah to grant them their wish to perform their hajj and out of the blue some rich samaritans will financed them. It not a matter whether we have the money or not but rather how much we want to perform our hajj. Allah will choose those who will be His guess, not us. So always pray to Allah and save every single cent if we really want it hard enough. May Allah grant our wish to be His guess. Allah humma amin.

May Allah bless us all.

Deplete  -  diminish in number or quantity: supplies are depleting fast.

 Elate - in high spirits; exultant or proud: the ladies returned with elate and animated faces.

Devastate  - cause (someone) severe and overwhelming shock or grief: she was devastated by the loss of Damian.

 Predicament - a difficult, unpleasant, or embarrassing situation.

Qanaah

Qanaah. It means to be thankful for every single thing that we have. We can only achieve this if we look at others who are less fortunate than us. We will complaint about our shoes until the day we met someone without a leg.

A relative once complained to me she wish she hold a job to help lessen her husband's burden. Since is jobless since she graduated three years ago. Noble intention. I told her if they can afford it it's better for her to be a full time housewife so that she can raise up her kids on her own. To educate them to be person with good values. No matter how much they earn it will never be enough if they look at others who earn more. But if they compare themselves with others who fare below them them then they will be grateful.

I once watched a documentary about a couple that has 17 kids and they managed to send 13 of their kids to university despite their meager income as rubber tappers. I can't imagine how they did it but they did it well. So well. And I can't imagine them being couples that always complained about their poor state of life. They must have live a difficult life, saving everything they can for the sake of their kids. Such difficult life but they live a contented life despite all the hardship that they have to face. When we have faith in Allah we have all the strength we need to move on. 

Allah has been very generous to me. I have more than enough. The trick is to be thankful every single second of my life. What Allah took from me, Allah will always replace something better. Is there any room for complain? Nauzubillah - Oo Allah, please don't make me one who always complaint. But make me one who's always thankful to You every second of my life. When Allah tested me, it is only to make me stronger. So that I will bounce back with more energy and vigor.

Oo Allah. Forgive me if I forget and complaint. Forgive me if I compare myself with some one better and lament on it. Forgive me if I envy someone richer and sulk. Forgive me if I'm not contented with everything that you have grant me and my family.

May Allah bless us all.

meager - (of something provided or available) lacking in quantity or quality: they were forced to supplement theirmeager earnings.

vigor - physical strength and good health.

• effort, energy, and enthusiasm: they set about the new task with vigor.
lament - a passionate expression of grief or sorrow: his mother's night-long laments for his father | a song full of lament and sorrow.
sulk - be silent, morose, and bad-tempered out of annoyance or disappointment: he was sulking over the breakup of his band.

Wisdom of life

It takes a lot to keep a family together. A lot of sacrifices. It is only when we give a lot then only will we receive a lot. Life is not about asking. It's about giving. When we give, not necessarily we will receive back from that very same person. Allah will send some one else to do the giving to us. That is the meaning of sincerity. To give without expecting to receive something in return. 

My friend lost her battle to save her marriage. But after that she met her present husband and they got married like a whirl wind. He treated her like a queen. Sometimes Allah will take something precious from us. Instead of asking why me, just wait and see what Allah will substitute for us. Definitely something better than what we lost. We just have to be patient until Allah reveals to us the better things Allah has in store for us.

I can't change the bad attitude of my students. But when I showed them how patient I am with their bad attitude and how I can still treat them well, they soften a little bit. We have to be positive all the time. It's for our own sake, not for others. We can't change others, we can only change ourselves. But when we change, the world around us will change. 

Life is a struggle. The struggle is what make us alive. No pain no gain. Just hold on to the rope of Allah tightly and we will not be swiped away by the fierce tornado. 

May Allah bless us all.

The struggle to get Allah's blessing...

Often in our life we are torn between to follow our heart or our religion. Deep inside us we know what to do, which decision to make, which choice to take but we always have to struggle not to follow our own heart. We think that if we follow our own heart we will feel satisfy but at the back of our mind we know it will only make us suffer more in the end. This is a common struggle that everyone faces. It is the duty of the syaitan or devil to put that doubt, ponder inside our heart. That is what devil has sworn to Allah to do when he was expelled from jannah or heaven for nor bowing to Prophet Adam. 

I have to keep on reminding myself to seek the pleasure of Allah, first and foremost. Put my self interest into the drain. No pain, no gain. Allah does not need me but it is I that need Allah. For my everlasting happiness, both in this world and in the hereafter. So dear self, pull yourself and put your ego aside. Nothing, and nothing is worth losing Allah's pleasure to myself. Especially not my ego.

Oo Allah. You know how weak I am. You know my internal struggle. Please give me the strength to do what I ought to do. To feel what I should feel. To choose what I should choose. To forgive everyone sincerely. To forget what I should forget. Ameen.

May Allah bless us all.

Hijrah Qaseh

Squad Hijrah riding program distributing pamplet about our beloved Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him.

Squad Hijrah site meeting for an outdoor program.

There's a handful of students in my school that always wander aimlessly skipping classes. No point chasing after them. They are young and energetic. We would wonder what make them come to school in the first place. Well, one because of pocket money. No school, no pocket money. Some come to avoid helping parents with their business. Avoiding being cheap paid labors of their parents. Some come to see their friends. Study has never been in their agenda. School is just a meeting point.

When I enter their classes as a relief teacher I would always take the opportunity to interview them and to get to know what's in their heart. One particular boy, Hussein (not his real name), caught my attention. He can talk about himself like a counselor. Maybe because he has seen the counselor so many times already that counselor's words has become his script. "Teacher, I'm not interested to study because the teachers are not interested to teach us", blaming others, a common trait of problematic students. "I'm like this because I tend to follow my friends but I know I should't follow them blindly', his perception of his situation. My perception is that he's the leader, others simply follow him. "Sometimes I want to go to the mosque or musolla but I'm afraid others will make a mockery of me". Even problematic students want to change, they are not happy about themselves. But they don't have the strength or the right friends to help them to change. 

I have always preach to my Squad Hijrah students that problematic students are like that bcause they can't find the right path. Why can't they find the right path? Because they didn't get to meet good people like us. Why is it that they didn't get to see good people like us? Because good people like us didn't approach people like them. We have to make the move first.

One day last week in this blessed month of Ramadhan Allah gave me the idea to create a school program for these kids. It took me two nights to device the paper work and the agenda of the program. Bottom line is 30 problematic students will be paired with 30 good students to discuss heart to heart about their problems and to lead them to think for themselves how to solve their problems. But the participants must be on voluntary basis. We can make a horse go to the river but we can't force it to drink the water. Thus, it must be on voluntary basis, not forced to. The school administration were elated with my paper work. Green light was immediately given.

I approached Hussein first, being the leader of his group. Had a slow talk with about about this program especially designed to help him and his friends, he immediately become my agent. Today he came with six of his gang members, all of them looking as haggard as himself. All of them volunteered to attend the Hijrah Qaseh program. Praise be to Allah. Allah has answered my prayer. I will continue with my head hunting job after the Eidul Fitr school break. May Allah ease my Squad Hijrah students and me in our quest to make a change in the school environment. Our effort might be small but it's a good beginning. And I told my Squah Hijrah students who will be the facilitator or student-counselor in the program to pray solat Hajat asking strength from Almighty Allah. Asking Allah to bless our effort with a change, no matter how small, in the attitude of the problematic students. May they be like Saidina Omar Al Khattab who was the worst enemy of Islam when he was in jahiliyyah who change to be one of the best companions of Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him (p.b.u.h). 

Oo Allah. You are the holder of our heart. You are the one capable of changing our heart. Please change Hussein and his alike like You change Saidina Omar Al Khattab. Allah humma ameen. 

May Allah bless us all.

P.S. - got an usrah session after this with my students. Pray for us.

 mockery -  derision; ridicule: stung by her mockery, Frankie hung his head.

• [ in sing. ] an absurd misrepresentation or imitation of something: after a mockery of a trial in London, he was executed. elated   - verb [ with obj. ] (usu. as adj. elated)make (someone) ecstatically happy: I felt elated at beating Dennis.haggard  -  looking exhausted and unwell, esp. from fatigue, worry, or suffering: I trailed on behind, haggardand disheveled.

So many but so little...

I'm struggling managing my time. With my Squad Hijrah group that I created in my school to bring students to know and to love Islam more, I hardly have much time left for blogging. My apology to my readers from all over the world. I just feel that when we feel that we have so many things to do but so little time to do it, then we are not wasting our precious time. Everyone is given 24 hours a day but some of us manage to spend a lot of time playing game. Yes, even games got its benefits but everything must have its limits.

My first passion is to read. About everything. From religious topics to nature. When I was single I can indulge into this passion of mine, spending money on books and spending time on reading. After getting married this luxury is cut down to less than half. Even though four of my kids are already in universities, I still have difficulty finding time to read. So I switch to listening to radio, specifically to Radio IKIM. While cooking, I can absorb a lot of Islamic information from the radio. It helps me to carry out my life as Allah pleases. 

I know when Allah gives me the knowledge and strength to improve my quality of life as a muslim, I'm getting nearer and nearer to my my end in this short world. I'm praying that Allah will take my life when I'm at my best - giving my best to the world. InsyaAllah. Allahumma amin - may Allah fulfill my prayer. Please pray for me. Please pray for our muslim brothers and sisters in Gaza, Syria, Egypt, Rohingya, and every part of the world. My prayer to all of them and their prayer for me. Even though we may not know each other personally but we are bonded with muslim brotherhood that is based on "There is no god but Allah and Muhammad is His messenger".

May Allah bless us all.

Riding

My husband loves to go riding his super bike. Occasionally he will go riding with his bike group. They will ride in big numbers up to 30 bikes. I guess what makes him loves it is because people tent to stare at big bikes that emit loud noises. And the sheer feeling of freedom seeing the vast world and feeling the open air. Each time he went out on his riding trip leaving me and Aiman at home I would feel lonely. I can't go with him because there'll be nobody to take care of Aiman. And I won't feel comfortable mingling with the bikers. 

My opportunity came one day when my husband, out of the blue, asked me to join him on an unplanned riding trip, just the two us us and no other rider. All my kids were at my hometown with their grandparents. I accepted with mixed feeling, happy that finally I can join him like what I had always asked from him and doubtful if I can stand the whole long journey sitting behind him on a bike. I just followed my heart.

We started riding at 2.30 p.m. on that day. We planned to go to Cherating, a famous beach area. We had to stopped at a few places to rest and drink and also to wear rain coat when it started to rain. Riding behind my husband I'm beginning to understand why he loves riding. We can see a whole lot more from behind a bike as compared to a car. And surprisingly, riding is not even half the tiredness. I was profoundly happy.

Throughout the whole trip my eyes were stuck at the natural beauty all around me. Everything reminds me of the greatness of Allah. If this world can be this beautiful then I can't imagine how beautiful heaven is. Allah has created the world for the benefits of mankind but yet we betray Him by not worshipping Him or not following Allah's every command which is for our own benefits actually. When we become good muslims we are making our own live meaningful by being a good son/daughter, husband/wife, friend, coworker, relative, neighbor, etc. Allah don't need us but it is we that need Allah. 

We spend one night in Cherating and the second night in Kuala Terengganu. We ventured to a lot of places like Cherating beach, Pasar Payang, Cristal Mosques, Losong (where we ate the famous, delicious keropok losong) and Batu Buruk beach. Last weekend (after a lapse of three weekends) we had our second lone trip together to Cameron Highland. 

Thank you Allah for everything that You have given us - the beautiful world, this wonderful nucleus and extended family of mine, great neighbors, great students. Thank you for every single blessing.

May Allah bless us all.

Watching my students grow in terms of iman (faith) and amal (actions) is like watching a flower bud protruding from its branch, growing bigger and finally blooming. It's fascinating. My part? I'm just someone they meet along the way, learn a few things from me and then they move on along the road and leaving me fast behind. 

Thank you Allah or giving me the opportunity, strength, and ideas to make my moves. To think of it, Allah always give me insights along the way. Ideas of what to do, what to say, how to overcome all the obstacles along the way. So many helps from Allah along the way. 

The best policy from my experience is to stay humble all the way. I never once think that I'm better than my students (or any one for that matter) for I never know maybe that person is better in the hereafter than me. We never know our own destiny what more other people's destiny. So never think that we are better than any one else.

Me must accept that all of us come from all kinds of back grounds. Some of us never perform prayer, some of us never cover our hijab, some of us always utter three letter words, some of us drinks but Allah is always giving us another chance to change and revert back to our fitrah or nature. It is our fitrah to acknowledge that there is only one mighty God or else there will be a lot of wars among gods. Even an atheist will ask to the one and only god when in deep trouble like almost drowning. Let's not turn to Allah only in times of trouble. Think of Allah in our every breath. Think of Allah when we see a baby growing from not even knowing to suck milk from her/his mother to knowing to ride a bicycle. Think of Allah when we see leaves waving due to the unseen breeze. Think of Allah when we see birds flying by flapping its wing, then just glide in the air before flapping its wings again. Think of Allah when a husband see his wife's stomach growing bigger and bigger carrying the unborn fetus, a baby that comes from the joining of two individuals. Think of Allah all the times, always, and constantly. Then we will have the strength to face anything and everything for  we know that Allah is always with those who think of Him all the times.

May Allah bless us all. Amin.

It has been a long time.....

It has been a long time since I last wrote in this blog. So much thing has happened. The good and the bad. But then again there should't be any 'bad' things if we take it positively.

I have been very busy this year. So much more to do this year compared to last year. But I'm trying to make the best of the little time I have left. Getting older means I'm nearer to my death. A lot of people has a taboo about death. To me it opens up a new door to a happier and permanent life. Where I can meet Allah, my creator and see Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him (p.b.u.h). Prophet Muhammad (p.b.u.h) said those who always think about death are the smart ones. 

My family has a lot of holidays this year. Maybe my husband realizes that family matters most. He's a workaholic not by nature but because he has high integrity about his job. To get it done and to get it done as well as possible. I guess I'm like that too but I always put my family as my first priority. I think  together we make a perfect balance.

Hope to keep on writing in this blog more often. Looking at the visitors of this blog that comes from all over the world I suddenly realize that I need to continue with my message through this blog. But for now this is all the time I have. Hope to 'see' you soon online. Peace be upon you.

May Allah bless us all. Amin.

Young self made scientist

My litlle Aiman is exposed to a lot of things since he was a baby. Gardening, cooking, carpentry, electrical gadgets, scientific principles.... just to name a few. I always believe as parents we should expose our kids to all kind of knowledge especially when they are below seven years old. That is the age when they will set up their blue print. Which blue print will be dominant depend on their exposure and the stimulus that they get.

When he was three years old I used to open up U Tube and show him how to draw car, helicopter, rose, tree etc. Watching his big sister cooking cakes, pizza and muffin, he love to bake too. Observing my husband doing some electrical jobs like repairing and wiring, he loves that too. Sitting down with me when I am gardening, he loves that too. He loves and wanted to do so many things. 

Throughout 2012 his interest is hooked on science experiments. I think it all started when he follow me to see my students launching water rocket. After that event, everyday he will open up my iPad and watch tutorial on how to make a water rocket. He urged he to buy drinks so that he can use the bottle. At first I doubted his ability to assemble his own rocket but when he manage to do it on his own, I never doubted his ability anymore. I'm always off to some store to buy things he needed for his latest science experiments. Now his interest is in making simple robot. Only Allah knows what will be his next interest.

May Allah bless Aiman with knowledge and wisdom. May Allah bless us all.