Anger

I was mad at my daughter because she refused to search for the missing parking ticket again. Taking a deep breath I said to her that I had made the effort to send her and my two sons to the shopping complex and fetched them again late in the evening and all I asked was for her to search again for the missing parking ticket. And I got a flat no for an answer. When my son came back to the car after getting the spare ticket from the management of the shopping complex, he talked about the animation film they had just watched but I had lost my mood to talk. He realized something was wrong but not knowing what was it. The car was quiet on the way home.

When we arrived home my husband asked my son to help him remove pieces of thick aquarium glasses. I guess my bad mood has affected my son's mood too. He was a bit hasty when putting down the glass and it cracked. My husband was really upset because each piece costs a few hundred ringgit. Thus the whole house was in a bad mood.

Reflecting myself back I realized that I should control my anger. When I failed the whole house was affected by it. It's a chain reaction. If I can control my anger things would have turn up differently. Yes I have the right to be mad at my daughter but it has cost the family a lot. A lesson learned thad I hope I can remember for the rest of my life. I hope you learn something too. As Prophet Muhammad said (peace be upon him), a strong person is not someone who is strong physically but a strong person is someone who can control his/her anger. How very true. May Allah give me the strength to be a 'strong' person as Prophet Muhammad (p.b.u.h) as prescribed.

Ya Allah give me the strength to control my anger.

May Allah bless us all.

In a dilemma?

Sometimes we are in dilemma as to what to do. As to which decision to make. As to which step to take. As to which person to choose. As to whose words to follow. A thousand and one dilemma in our life. To me the answer is always simple - choose the one that will earn us Allah's pleasure.

As human being that is full of weaknesses we tent to follow our heart. I have been married for 23 years now simply because I try as best as I could to put aside my personal feeling and choose what I know Allah wants me to do. It's no easy task. When something goes wrong we always think of doing the worst. That is normal - devil always whisper to our heart the worst thing to do. How do I handle it? I always give myself some times to cool down. Sone private time just to myself if I can. Time to let my anger and my stupid head to go. And let the whisper of angel to fill in the void. As normal human being  we are no angel. Just keep inside our head that it is Allah pleasure that we need to seek in every situation. And Allah will take care of us. 

Subhanallah. Allah has never let me down. It is me that always let Allah down. But Allah is ever so merciful. When I've astray in my words or my actions, there is always something out there to remind me back of the truth. A friend, a bird, the wind, flowers... there're so many things that will give me the reminder. For Allah is always so merciful to all mankind. 

Oo Allah, forgive me for all the second that I forgot you. You are my first love. Everyone else that I love is because of you. Have the mercy to look at my face in the hereafter. Thank you Allah for always guiding me all the way. Thank you for bringing me back to the right path when I've gone astray. There's simply no word to aptly describe my feelings for you. Please forgive all my sins and put me in jannah (heaven) so that I can watch Prophet Muhammad's face too (peace be upon him). 

May Allah bless us all.

What we need, not what we want.

Sometimes there are things that make us feel dissatisfied. Like when we didn't get what we should get. Or worst still when we watched other people get what we think we should get. We felt that there are something wrong somewhere. Well nothing is wrong. It is just that Allah didn't give us what we want. Instead Allah give us what we need. 

If Allah didn't give us what we ask for it is because Allah knows that we will forget him after we get it. Or the test is to make us stronger. Or the time is not the best of time yet. But as human being we are always weak in the face of test.

I had that test today. When I came home from school the windows were not opened. The wet clothes were still in the washing machine. The smell of stale rice hit my nose when I opened the rice cooker. The sink was filled with dried maggie. And my kids are upstair in their rooms. I went upstair asked my son to be my imam in our congregation prayer. Then I voiced out my feeling. I said all these are due to the fact that I didn't educate my kids well. The blame is on me. My son was quiet. 

After the congregation prayer I read chapter or surah Ar Rahman from the Qur'an. One verse Allah kept on repeating in this surah - 'Then which of the Blessings of your Lord will you both (jinns and men) deny?' 

This verse reminds me that there are so many blessing that Allah has bestow upon me. Why in the world should I focus on negative aspects when I'm surrounded with blessing? 

'But for him who [the true believer of Islamic Monotheism who performs all the duties ordained by Allah and His Messenger Muhammad  , and keeps away (abstain) from all kinds of sin and evil deeds prohibited in Islam and] fears the standing before his Lord, there will be two Gardens (i.e. in Paradise)' Ar Rahman:46.

Ooo Allah. Please forgive me. How can I forget your blessings for even a moment. I leave the solution of my problems to you Allah for you are the true problem solver. You are the provider. You are the sustainer. 

May Allah bless us all.

Seriously or relaxingly

Over the two weeks school holiday I was loaded with school works. Yes, the school was on holidays but we teachers have papers to mark, paper works to do, data base to create, etc. But it was still holidays because I got to cook lunch and dinner for my family while doing my school works.

On the first week I was so tied up with the list of things that I need to do. Cooking and other house choses were done like a zombie - almost without any feeling. Too tense to enjoy myself. But on the second week I decided to give myself a break. The four days that I spend at my hometown I didn't bring any school work along. It was time to enjoy the scenic view and the delectable local dishes. And not to forget my mom's nostalgic cooking. The local dishes are superb. I can order any dish from any stall and each and everyone of them are so delicious. I can't have that luxury here in Kuala Lumpur. You have to pick and choose where you want to eat. And laksa in Kuala Lumpur just doesn't taste the same as in Kedah. 

Then back home I squeeze my hobby into my daily chores. Instead of just watering my plants (there are plenty of them) I went to the nursery twice to add some more plants, including vegetable plants. I now have three pots of brinjal and four pots of tomatoes. Not to forget four pots of chilly from two species. I found myself loosen up a bit and have more things to cherish in life. Never mind the number of things that I didn't manage to get done in time. I will find the time to do it later. Never mind that data base wasn't created yet. My family is always more important than my work. Not forgetting my plants. And my fish in the pond. And my chicken in the coop. And the filming of the launching of the water rockets that my little Aiman is making everyday (he watches you tube on water rocket everyday). And listening tot my two sons' experiences at the Pizza Hut working as part time staffs there. And the simplest of all - just sitting down on the garden chair every evening watching my garden.

Thank you Allah for everything. Thank you for each simple and small things. Thank you for this family of mine. Alhamdulillah. Praise be to Allah.

May Allah bless us all.

delectable - (of food or drink) delicious : delectable handmade chocolates.

• chiefly humorous extremely beautiful or attractive : the delectable Ms. Davis.

Hometown

The lush greenish paddy field on both sides of the highway indicated that we are nearing our destination. I just love this scene with stock birds lazing around fishing for small fish. The Kedah's 'islands', as my dad often called it, are small raised up lands in the middle of the paddy fields that placed a few houses with lots of tress. You don't need fans in the middle of the afternoon for the moving breeze from the vast paddy fields had no barrier on its way. If there is flood, the whole area will look like sea. 

Coming back to my hometown rekindled old memories. Staying in the hut in the middle of the durian plantation, it was so much fun for a small kid like me. My uncle, cousins and I would wander around the plantation at the first peak of the morning sun to search for fallen durians. Our midnight dreams sometimes will be disturbed by the sound of the falling durians. I would smile for I wanted to be the first to pick it up tomorrow morning. Hawkers would come around 10 a.m. to buy the durians from us. 

We equipped ourselves with a pack of rice and some dried fish. Instead of frying the dried fish, we would sometimes grilled it on top of the flame. I just love playing around the fire. The mosquitoes didn't really bothered me. 

Sometimes I would quietly take grandma's container from the kitchen to catch small prawn in the big ditch behind Tok Tam's house. I could get a kilogram of it easily. Or I would follow Abang Mi in his quest to catch fish from the river using a special net that he would spread into the water and trapped the fish below. During harvesting season, the irrigated river would be drained from water. That's when the whole village would go down and treaded the muddy shallow water and try to catch fish, snails and the such. 

Things have changed so much now. Thank you Allah for all the good times. Alhamdulillah.

May Allah bless us all. Amin.

Organic garden

For some reason, I was chosen to be in the school's organic garden's committe. Maybe because my house is a living example of go green living. Even though my name seemed to be in almost every new committee being set up recently, I took it positively. Beside, I just love plants.

First we went to a nursery that's giving discount because it wanted to relocate to a new site. My fellow teacher picked up most of the organic plants. That's her specialty. Yesterday we planted all the plants in the plot that was specially set up for this project. Three of us were supposed to decide on the landscaping but in the end I was the one who made most decision since I was there first. The workers of the school were great help. So were some students from the Environment Society. 

I love nature. They come straight from our creator. Nature gives me peace. Nature makes me forget about the things that I haven't get done yet. Nature is a great source of inspiration. 

May Allah bless us all.

Usrah

Seeing my girls progressing with me makes my heart flourish with wonder of the greatness of Allah. My weekly usrah session with them this year witnesses attendance from 50 to 110 students, a number that I can only imagine the last two years when I have around 5 girls only on every sitting. Allah send the five girls and Allah send the 110 girls. Allah will only ask how much I have tried and not how much I have achieved. So the attendance of only 5 girls the last two years didn't bother me much. Hardship in the beginning is the sunnah or the way of Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him (p.b.u.h). 

I can see the progress of my girls in the way they take care of their hijab or clothing, in the way they talk, in the way they carry themselves. And the updates they make in the FB group specially created for them reflects their determinations to follow the way set by Prophet Muhammad (p.b.u.h). 

To me handling the usrah session weekly is more to give reminders to myself. For Allah knows how much I need to remind myself. When I was about to talk badly about other people I will be reminded of myself reminding the girls not to talk badly about other people in the usrah session. Ooppss.. I should follow my own advice first. When I do research to prepare for the usrah session, I'm gaining new knowledge. Gaining khowledge is compulsory for every muslim. When I always talk about doing everything for the sake of Allah, I find myself trying hard to take care of my niat or attention. So I grow and progress with my girls.

May Allah bless all my girls.

May Allah bless all of us.