Qiamullail

It's so quiet out there. Even the sound of cricket from afar can be heard. Performing qiamullail or wake up in the middle of the night to perform tahajjud prayer, taubat prayer, hajat prayer and witir prayer, have been one of my source of strength beside reading Qur'an and its translation everyday. It is at this wee hour that I feel so close to Allah. Performing my prayer, I don't have to think about chores not finish yet, dish not cooked yet, and the such. I have no other errand at this early morning hour. My mind and heart is devoted to Allah fully.

I'm not alone in the middle of the night. I feel the angels are praying for me too. Especially Gabriel or malaikat Jibrail. Gabriel is the angel that passed down words of Allah or the Holy Qur'an to Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him (p.b.u.h.). Gabriel is a close friend to Prophet Muhammad (p.b.u.h). At his dying bed, Prophet Muhammad (p.b.u.h) summoned for Gabriel and asked why he is absent. Gabriel explained that he can't bear to see Prophet Muhammad dying. Indeed, just thinking of that moment, my heart is crying. The closing prophet that's written both in Torah or Kitab Taurat and in The Old Testament or Kitab Injil, will meet his love, Allah. The word that Prophet Muhammad (p.b.u.h) utter the most at that final moment is 'Ummati' or my ummah, my people. He is most concern about us, those who live from his time until the day of judgement or kiamah/kiamat. Will we follow the right path? Will we submit ourselves totally to Allah? Will we be saved from the torment of the fire in hell?

The sound of the clock ticking put my mind back to my praying mat. May Allah fulfill all my prayers tonight like Allah has always do to all my prayers before. Some prayers are granted immediately, some take years for special purpose which I will find out later. For Allah knows better what to grant and when to grant those prayers of ours. May Allah forgive all our sins and show us to the right path, muslim and non muslims alike. May we find light and truth and serenity. Ameen.

May Allah bless us all.

The Science of Motivation

Dan Pink on the surprising science of motivation | Video on TED.com

Just got this from my twitter account. Dan Pink talk about how promotion, money and materials that are supposed to be a motivator, only hinder creativity and decrease performance. Intrinsic motivation works better for right brain better in making business and organizational decisions. This is actually part of what Islam teaches. We don't work because of material rewards but instead we works as well as we can to please Allah. As a teacher, my reward is not Anugerah Cemerlang (a reward by Malaysian goverment) but to be the best teacher that I can in order to please Allah (not to please my superiors).

May Allah bless us all.

My ex students

"You are invited", sms message in my handphone. The form 4 kids are organizing reunion party. All form 4 students that have transferred to other schools will be joining.

I went to see my ex students. To catch up on them. While eating, I called up A. He was in form 1B in 2006. I was form 1B class teacher then. "How's your parents now?". His parents are divorced now. They were still married but was having major conflict in 2006. "They are ok now teacher. Not quarreling anymore". So they are on good terms now. "Is your father married again?", I can't help asking that question. "No. He doesn't want to get married. So is mom". "If that's the case then pray to Allah so that they will be back to each other again", I was excited with hope. A was longing for this back in 2006 even though his separated parents can't accept that then. "They will marry each other next year, teacher", my heart leap with excitement. "I'm so happy for you". A smiled at me. No matter what conflict a couple may have, kids always wanted to have a family like everyone else. It's part of their self image. But not everyone have that.

Then B came to me. I hardly recognize him. Even his voice has changed. "Teacher, this is me, B". "Is there any side effect after the accident?". B was absent for a month in 2006. His body has some steel implanted surgically to support him. B was not confident that he will perform well after having a lot of catch up to do after the long absent. I managed to convince him and at the end of the year, his grades improved significantly. We talked about his future planning. After that one by one came to me and discuss about schools, future planning, study, etc.

At home I realized how close I was with the kids even though I am on study leave for two years now. Form teacher or just subject teacher, I knew their background and family. It was my practice back then, to ask about their family before I give them advice. Some come from troubled family. Some have low self esteem. Some have attitude problems. I tackle what I can, in ways that I can. The rest is up to Allah. We can only try. Allah will determine the outcome of our efforts. Realizing this, I will not be frustrated if my efforts bear no fruit. At least I have planted a seed in my students' mind and hope one day the seed will grow into a big tree. Of course, I have made mistakes too. I'm only human. The important thing is to learn from our mistakes.

May Allah bless all our efforts. May Allah bless us all.

Awal Muharram

Today is first of Muharram, 1431 Hijrah. And it's Friday Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him (p.b.u.h.), migrated from Mecca to Medina on Friday too, 1,431 years ago. Leaving Mecca, Prophet Muhammad (p.u.b.h.) homeland, because the people there did not response to his preaching except for a small number. Muslims there received all kinds of hardship, torture, and discrimination for their faith of one, almighty god. Mecca people worship more than one god, something that persist until today for most religions. Some muslims have migrated first before him. All of them left behind wealth, family and homeland, to save their faith. In Medina, Islam prosper until it became the world power.

The concept of hijrah or migrating from bad to good, or from good to something better, is a concept that always guide Muslims in their life. Looking back to my past, I have made a lot of hijrah in my life. Wearing hijab or veil during the time when hijab was frown upon by the general public. Now it's a common sight in Malaysia. Agreeing to marry a man of faith from a poor family even though I was not used to hard life. I have made so many hijrah in order to be a good muslim. Always swimming against the tide. All in order to please Allah. It is my hope that Allah will accept it all.

There are times that I hijrah because of condition. When one venue of dakwah is blocked for me, I search other venue. Dakwah is spreading the teaching of Islam. Islam comes as a blessing to all, muslims, non muslims, animal, plants, earth, etc. Islam teach to be in harmony with everything. Blogging is a hijrah for me, a new way of spreading the words of Allah.

I feel blessed because Allah always give me signs. When I do something wrong or inappropriate, something always happen that made me check back my mistakes. What have I done wrong. A long, long time ago, I lost my temper and cane my naughty, naughty students. I was out of control. Going berserk. Later that day, I accidentally smeared my veil with my black marker. I looked at the glaring mark on my veil. It was a glaring reminder of my mistake. A reminder from Allah. That was the last day that I cane student. I made another hijrah on that day.

Now I'm thinking of the hijrah that I still need to make for the better. Everyday I'm closer and closer to the day that I will meet Allah. I want to be the best I can be on that day, and not worst. May Allah help me in my quest.

May Allah bless us all. Happy Maal Hijrah.

berserk- out of control with anger or excitement; wild or frenzied : after she left him, he went berserk, throwing things about theapartment.

smeared- coat or mark (something) messily or carelessly with a greasy or sticky substance : his face was smeared with dirt.

Visiting Prophet Muhammad

Completing our hajj, we move on to Medina. Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him (p.b.u.h), said if we visit his resting place, it's like we visit him in person. And that's what it feel like every step of the way. The desert wasn't what I imagine a desert would be. No sand dunes but instead the soil is full of stones, big and small. I tried to imagine the time Prophet Muhammad p.b.u.h. and his close companion Saidina Abu Bakr, on their way to hijrah (make a new start) from Mecca to Medina. There must be a lot of maneuvering to avoid the stones. They followed the sea route which make the journey at least twice as far to avoid detection and capture. Journey on foot under the scorching hot sun which lasted for a few days. And there I was, conveniently traveling in an air conditioned bus for a journey that took only six hours.

The first time I set foot on Masjidil Nabi, I was awed. Not by the majestic building, the automatic moving roof or the splendid architecture but by the fact I was visiting Prophet Muhammad p.b.u.h. in person. At Raudhah, the original site of Prophet Muhammad's house, I said all my prayers for it is a place where prayers are granted easily. Leaving the area, my eyes were brimming with tears. It felt as if I had to be pulled away against my will to leave the holy site. But there were a big crowd waiting for their turn. To leave Prophet Muhammad p.b.u.h. behind was really the hardest thing I had to do. Silently in tears I prayed for a chance to return. And my eyes are in tears now. How can I forget that feeling six years ago. Maybe Prophet Muhammad p.b.u.h. will grace me with a visit in my dream. Do I deserve that? Not in the world. But I am praying to Allah to grant this wish I had. May Allah had mercy and compassion on me.

May Allah bless us all. Ameen.

Leaving Mecca

That was as far as I was allowed to go. At the place where sa'e is performed at Safa and Marwah hill. Women who had their period are not allowed to go to the tawaf area around Kaaba. We must wave goodbye to Kaaba from afar. For others they must perform tawaf wida' or goodbye tawaf. Tears rolled down my cheek unchecked. The silent sobbing drew attention to me. Some passerby stared at my soggy, red eyes. I can't stop the tears. The sadness of leaving kaaba is almost unbearable. This is the symbol of unity of the ummah. This is the house that Prophet Ibrahim or Abraham and his son Prophet Ismail or Isaac build to worship Allah. This is where I can connect myself physically with Prophet Muhammad at the very same place where he has been before me. This is where I have spent almost a month praying in Masjidil Haram. I have completed my hajj. It's time to move on to Medina.

With heavy heart, I walked towards my hotel. It felt as though I have left my heart behind. When will I come back? After each prayer in Masjidil Haram I always pray to Allah that one day I can come back with my whole family.

Muslim who haven't perform their hajj or umrah, long to go to Mecca as soon as possible. For those who have, long to go there again. It's a place of worship. It's a place of total peace and tranquility. It's a place that do not recognize the differences of race, color, creed, or political stand. It's a place of unity. It's a place where part of my heart will always be there.

Slowly I entered the waiting bus. As the bus moved away, my tears rolled down again. Moving away, Masjidil Haram seem smaller and smaller until it finally disappeared from my view. I will come again, InsyaAllah. It all seem happened just yesterday and not six years ago.

May Allah bless us all. Ameen.

long - have a strong wish or desire : we are longing to see the new baby.

tranquility - free from disturbance; calm : her tranquil gaze | the sea was tranquil.