Empathy

I was waiting at the gate, looking on at students who came late to school. Being a dicipline teacher, it's part of my work. From afar I saw a prefect striding hurriedly towards the gate. As she walked pass me, I stopped her and admonish her for being late. As a prefect she is suppose to set good example to other. I gave her a little pinch just to show show how serious I am. To my astonishment, she twisted her hand and scolded me. She said something that I can't remember but whatever it was her act surprise me since I taught her that year and she has always been a nice sweet girl. After assembly that morning, she approached me and knee down beside my chair. She took my hand and kiss it and said how sorry she was. I stopped her speech and immediately said it's o.k because I knew she must have had problem at home. My words had unleashed her tears and she walked away wiping away her tears.

Often times we are mad at people for the things that they do or say. We always feel that person shouldn't have done or said the things that they said. When husband came home and shouted at small, trivial mistakes, when kids shot back at parents, when friends suddenly are at bad mood. But we seldom ask ourselves what make that person do what they did. In other words, we always think and see from our perspectives but we seldom try to look at the matter from the other person's perspectives. Maybe the husband had a bad day at the office, maybe our kids just quarreled with their best friends, maybe our friends are not well. There can be hundreds of reasons.

Empathy is putting ourselves in other people's shoes. Trying to feel what he/she feel, trying to figure out what could have gone wrong, trying to visualize if we grow up in the environment that she/he has grown up, would we act the same way? It doesn't mean trying to make right what is wrong. What is wrong, is wrong. It means when we understand why he/she did that we can tolerate it better; being less angry. And when he/she has manage to cool down, he/she will appreciate that we didn't act like what other people would normally act. My prefect student appreciate my understanding of her situation. She expected I would have gone mad at her but when I said I know she had a problem at home, she was so touched that she cried. When she was relieved that I wasn't mad at her, I was relieved too. At least I didn't accidently add up her problems. She already got a handful of problems to handle.

Allah is full of justice. If we try to understand people, they will try to understand us. Try it out. You might be surprised with the results. May Allah bless us all. Amin.