Forgiving?

Am  I really a forgiving person? I'm beginning to doubt myself. I saw her from afar but I didn't make an effort to greet her. Being someone lower in rank I should make the first move but I didn't. Her words on that day when I confronted her as to why I'm being evaluated poorly, cut me like a knife. She just brush me off as if I'm an insignificant person. But I know I can't live with this anger and frustration. It will kill me slowly from inside. I have to forgive her for my own sake. Focussing hard on finding Allah's pleasure and not seeking approval from human instead. 

When my heart quiver when I saw her again after a long time, I know that I'm not being sincere to myself. I had to slowly talk to myself to make peace and greet her. So I search for her after the function was over but she was already gone. 

Ya Allah, forgive me for this weaknesses of mine. Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him (p.b.u.h) had gone through worst incident than this. During the battle of Uhud, Prophet Muhammad (p.b.u.h) was bleeding from cuts he received from the enemy but what did he said? Prophet Muhammad (p.b.u.h) pray to Allah to forgive them because the enemy are ignorant. Subhanallah, praise be to Allah. How patience and forgiving Prophet Muhammad (p.b.u.h) is. 

Ya Allah, give me the strength to emulate Prophet Muhammad (p.b.u.h). Amin.

May Allah bless us all.

 ignorant- lacking knowledge or awareness in general; uneducated orunsophisticated : he was told constantly that he was ignorant and stupid.

emulate - match or surpass (a person or achievement), typically by imitation : lessermen trying to emulate his greatness.

My little girl

Reading my girl's blog, I'm astonished of her progress in seeking Allah's pleasure. Just as I'm astonish to her progress with her command of English language. I'm proud of her. 

I've been trying to shape her into being a good muslimah (muslim woman) and the task is never easy. Teaching her to curb her words if it's only to win the argument, to dress up in Islamic dressing code, to feel and act like a girl even though she got four brothers and no sister to grow up with, to like cooking since she was small to prepare her for her marriage one day. 

Raising up my kids I have never and will never claim that I've been successful. Everything works out simply because Allah has answered all my prayers. I try to wake up  at night whenever possible to perform tahajjud, hajat and taubat prayer. Tahajjud prayer is the prayer that can only be performed in the middle of the night, a solid, quiet and serene time where we can concentrate on our prayer since we have no chore waiting for us. Hajat prayer is for special request that we want to ask from Allah. Taubat prayer is to seek forgiveness from Allah from all our sins. It's like preparing a cup of tea. You need hot water, tea leaves and sugar to make a complete cup of tea. Leaving out one of the prayer is like a handicap. 

Allah has always, always been very kind to me. Allah will answer my prayers only when the time is ripe. Allah let my kids make their mistakes and they learn the hard way. After that period of self retrospection, they will come back to my husband and I as obedient kids. Praise be to Allah. Allah don't give what we want but Allah gives what we need. And Allah always know better. 

Thank you Allah for always being there for me.

curb - (verb) to restrain or keep in check : she promised she would curb her temper. 

handicap - a circumstance that makes progress or success difficult : a criminal conviction is a handicap and a label that may stick forever.

retrospection - the  action of looking back on or reviewing past events or situations, esp.those in one's own life : he was disinclined to indulge in retrospection.