We like to….

It has been a long, long time since I last update my blog. My apology to those who follow me - from California and other places all over the world… or am I losing followers. 

To write for me is to share. To share how to be strong. How to be grateful to Allah. 

We like to be praised for our work. Sometimes we will be discontented because our boss doesn't seem to appreciate our work. If we have this kind of feeling….. and we are bound to have it one time or another……. that means we are not sincere enough. Sincerity in performing our job is to see the good effects it has on people's life even though nobody seems to notice. We forget that Allah notices. We forget that Allah's rewards can come in many splendid forms. Good health, great family, devoted wife/husband, abiding kids, caring neighbors, helpful coworkers,…… the list can go on and on. Instead we limit our happiness to the praise of our boss. Such a wasteful life but many people didn't realize this. 

We like to look beautiful. But we forget beauty is inside our heart. A kind person's face will shine. Sometimes when I looked at a person's face on the street, his/her face look dark even though that person has a fair skin. I guess there's no nur or the light of iman/faith on that person's face. The best make up for our face is a sincere smile that will outshine the sun rays.

We like to do things the easy way. But we forget that it takes 99% of sweat and perspiration and only 1% of genius to produce success. And yet we envy those who work hard to get to where they are now. 

May Allah bless us all. Ameen.

Can you?

Can you forgive someone who has mercilessly killed your beloved cousin and ripped open his chest to chew his heart? Me forgive that? Not likely. 

How do you feel about your neighbor that will give you hostile look and throw litter along your way every time you pass her house to go to work? I think I will just give up trying to be good to her. 

Can you still talk softly to a person who has pulled your shawl from your shoulder until your neck turned red? I think that is not human. I can't imagine I can do that.

If you are a husband, can you imagine going home late at night and called up your wife but she didn't open the door because she was asleep and then you decided to sleep right there in order not to wake your wife up? I think most husband will bang on the door until it reap open or just went away in anger. 

And as a husband can you imagine yourself sewing your own trousers in order not to trouble your wife because you know she has a lot of things to do? I'm the luckiest wife in the world if my husband will do that himself.

Can you? Can we? Well, Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him (p.b.u.h), can. 

He can forgive Hindun, the woman who planned the merciless killing of his cousin, Saidina Hamzah, who grow up as his play buddy. When Prophet Muhammad forgave Hindun, when she became a muslim she always refer to Prophet Muhammad (p.b.u.h) to seek opinion on problems she's facing. When a person hurts my feeling, I will take my time to forgive him/her. The pain is even more severe if that person is very close to me. But I know if I follow Prophet Muhammad's forgiving manner it is for my own benefit. Keeping anger inside us is like keeping a fire that will slowly kill us. I want a happy life, not a sad one. I should learn to forgive. And to forgive sincerely.

Prophet Muhammad (p.b.u.h) was not deterred by his hostile neighbor. In fact when she was absent from her daily chore of throwing rubbish on his way out, he decided to give her a visit. When he found out she was sick, he prepared for her hot broth/soup to revive her health. This act of kindness touched her so much that she convert/revert to Islam. Subhanallah, praise be to Allah. Therefore I should show patient to all my neighbors. And of course be more concern about them. I'm lacking in this area, I  got to admit.

Can I still talk softly to a person who show disrespect to me? I got to abstain myself from doing similar bad thing to that person. The badwi that did that to Prophet Muhammad (p.b.u.h) convert to Islam when Prophet Muhammad (p.b.u.h) admonish his sahabah from hurting the Badwi. Instead Prophet Muhammad (p.b.u.h) still talk softly to him. He has never met anyone nicer than Prophet Muhammad (p.b.u.h) before, masyaAllah. 

When Aisyah didn't open the door in the middle of the night, Prophet Muhammad (p.b.u.h) took the shawl from his shoulder and spread it on the floor. That was his bed for the night. In the morning when Aisyah woke up, she suddenly remember that her husband didn't come back last night. She rushed to open the door and was so shock to see Prophet Muhammad (p.b.u.h) sleeping on the floor. She apologized profusely. Prophet Muhammad (p.b.u.h) apologized back to her for coming home late and disturb her sleep. So sweet. No two people can be more in love with each other.

Prophet Muhammad (p.b.u.h) is not a type of husband who always order his wife around. Instead he would do a lot of thing himself in the house even though he's the head of the country. No one else can be more humble than him.

To love Prophet Muhammad (p.b.u.h) is to emulate him. To follow his manners, his doings, his way of life, his diet, his temperament, his mood, his good nature, his smile, his salam, and thousands more. Oo.. Allah, give me the wiseness to know my prophet more and to follow him in every way I can. And put me in Jannah/paradise near my prophet so that I can look at him all the time. Please grant this wish of mine. Allah humman amin.

May Allah bless us all. 

 deter - discourage (someone) from doing something, typically by instilling doubt or fear of the consequences: only a health problem would deter him from seeking re-election.

 abstain - restrain oneself from doing or enjoying something: abstaining from chocolate.

 admonish - warn or reprimand someone firmly: she admonished me for appearing at breakfast unshaven | “You mustn'tsay that, Shiona,” Ruth admonished her.

profuse - (esp. of something offered or discharged) exuberantly plentiful; abundant: I offered my profuse apologies.

emulate - match or surpass (a person or achievement), typically by imitation: lesser men trying to emulate his greatness.

temperament - a person's nature, esp. as it permanently affects their behavior: she had an artistic temperament.

To do, not just to say

'Thank you for your cooperation', that's my tag line at the end of every session. They are considered as weak and problematic students. The good students are placed at the first center. I'm in charge of the second center throughout the examination with a few teachers under me. I opt to use two approach at the same time - to be both strict and friendly at the same time.  

'Those who didn't tuck in their shirt can't enter the hall'. One example of how strict I am. But at the same time I always say thanks for all the cooperation they render to me - entering the hall on time, being quiet while my team count the papers, etc. Nobody was allowed to go before time was up and even though some tried by giving excuse their relative died and the such, I didn't allow since they didn't provide any proof. But they adhere to my every command. On the last day I praised them for being very disciplined, even more disciplined than students in the first center since some of them went out early before time was up. They applauded me when I said this.

They are used to being labelled as naughty. They are used to being yelled at. They are used to being indiscipline. So when they abide to my every command and got praised for it, their spirit soars so high to the sky. 

At the end of the six day stint, some of the students went to the stage to shake hands and say thank you to us - a move that moved our heart. Maybe because we have moved their heart.

Children that grow up in hostility will give hostile. Children who grow up in love will give love to the world. We can't instruct them to be what they are suppose to be but we must show them the right manners. Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him (p.b.u.h), won his enemies' heart not by sword but by his exemplary manners. Showing love to those who hurt him in the past. I'm far from being as strong as Prophet Muhammad (p.b.u.h) but I'm trying to emulate him in every way I can, as far as I can. May Allah place me near Prophet Muhammad (p.b.u.h) in heaven or jannah. Allah humma amin. 

 opt - make a choice from a range of possibilities: consumers will opt for low-priced goods | [ with infinitive ]: students opting to continue with physics.

 render - provide or give (a service, help, etc.): money serves as a reward for services rendered | Mrs. Evanswould render assistance to those she thought were in real need.

 adhere -  believe in and follow the practices of: the people adhere to the Muslim religion.

 stint -  a person's fixed or allotted period of work: his varied career included a stint as a magician.

Guess of Allah

Hajj is around the corner. It's in the air. The spirit is in those who understand the meaning and wisdom of sacrifice. 

My husband and I have performed our hajj ten years ago together with my mother in law. How I wish I can do it again. Perform my hajj better than the last one. But there are thousands and thousands of people in the waiting list. I'm just thankful that Allah has chosen my husband and me to be his guests when we were below 40 years old as we targeted. 

It was hard trying to save every cent we can back then. We were struggling in our career. We had our saving but when we moved to the house that we bought to avoid paying rent, we had to puncture our saving to do the basic thing to make the house comfortable. Our saving was depleting. Then we got the official letter from Tabung Haji stating that we were chosen to go that year and we were given about 2 months to complete the amount of payment in our account. I was both elated and devastated. Happy that I was chosen but sad that our saving was way, way from enough. Beside the two of us, both my inlaws were chosen too. We had just enough money for three, not four. I was the natural choice to be left behind. We went to Tabung Haji to ask for extra time to fill up my account but the answer was no.  My husband's office mate offered us a loan but we rejected it because that would mean we can't afford it and thus we are not eligible to go yet actually. After that I was like a living dead; doing my every chores but my mind was somewhere else.

I was going through my file cabinet in search of a document when I noticed my kids' Tabung Haji saving books. Looking through inside, I noticed that each one of my four kids had more than one thousand in their accounts. Feeling ecstatic, I called up my four kids and we had a heart to heart discussion. I explained my predicament  to them and they were glad that they can help by financing me with their saving. I managed to fill up my account just in time. Alhamdulillah, praise be to Allah. But my father in law died of heart attack during Ramadhan that year and we had to postponed our hajj for one year so that my mother in law can finished her moaning period of 4 months and 10 days as prescribed by Islam.

When we set our heart to perform our hajj and we think about it every day, Allah will make it happen in one way or another. I have heard lots of story about poor people who always pray to Allah to grant them their wish to perform their hajj and out of the blue some rich samaritans will financed them. It not a matter whether we have the money or not but rather how much we want to perform our hajj. Allah will choose those who will be His guess, not us. So always pray to Allah and save every single cent if we really want it hard enough. May Allah grant our wish to be His guess. Allah humma amin.

May Allah bless us all.

Deplete  -  diminish in number or quantity: supplies are depleting fast.

 Elate - in high spirits; exultant or proud: the ladies returned with elate and animated faces.

Devastate  - cause (someone) severe and overwhelming shock or grief: she was devastated by the loss of Damian.

 Predicament - a difficult, unpleasant, or embarrassing situation.

Qanaah

Qanaah. It means to be thankful for every single thing that we have. We can only achieve this if we look at others who are less fortunate than us. We will complaint about our shoes until the day we met someone without a leg.

A relative once complained to me she wish she hold a job to help lessen her husband's burden. Since is jobless since she graduated three years ago. Noble intention. I told her if they can afford it it's better for her to be a full time housewife so that she can raise up her kids on her own. To educate them to be person with good values. No matter how much they earn it will never be enough if they look at others who earn more. But if they compare themselves with others who fare below them them then they will be grateful.

I once watched a documentary about a couple that has 17 kids and they managed to send 13 of their kids to university despite their meager income as rubber tappers. I can't imagine how they did it but they did it well. So well. And I can't imagine them being couples that always complained about their poor state of life. They must have live a difficult life, saving everything they can for the sake of their kids. Such difficult life but they live a contented life despite all the hardship that they have to face. When we have faith in Allah we have all the strength we need to move on. 

Allah has been very generous to me. I have more than enough. The trick is to be thankful every single second of my life. What Allah took from me, Allah will always replace something better. Is there any room for complain? Nauzubillah - Oo Allah, please don't make me one who always complaint. But make me one who's always thankful to You every second of my life. When Allah tested me, it is only to make me stronger. So that I will bounce back with more energy and vigor.

Oo Allah. Forgive me if I forget and complaint. Forgive me if I compare myself with some one better and lament on it. Forgive me if I envy someone richer and sulk. Forgive me if I'm not contented with everything that you have grant me and my family.

May Allah bless us all.

meager - (of something provided or available) lacking in quantity or quality: they were forced to supplement theirmeager earnings.

vigor - physical strength and good health.

• effort, energy, and enthusiasm: they set about the new task with vigor.
lament - a passionate expression of grief or sorrow: his mother's night-long laments for his father | a song full of lament and sorrow.
sulk - be silent, morose, and bad-tempered out of annoyance or disappointment: he was sulking over the breakup of his band.

Wisdom of life

It takes a lot to keep a family together. A lot of sacrifices. It is only when we give a lot then only will we receive a lot. Life is not about asking. It's about giving. When we give, not necessarily we will receive back from that very same person. Allah will send some one else to do the giving to us. That is the meaning of sincerity. To give without expecting to receive something in return. 

My friend lost her battle to save her marriage. But after that she met her present husband and they got married like a whirl wind. He treated her like a queen. Sometimes Allah will take something precious from us. Instead of asking why me, just wait and see what Allah will substitute for us. Definitely something better than what we lost. We just have to be patient until Allah reveals to us the better things Allah has in store for us.

I can't change the bad attitude of my students. But when I showed them how patient I am with their bad attitude and how I can still treat them well, they soften a little bit. We have to be positive all the time. It's for our own sake, not for others. We can't change others, we can only change ourselves. But when we change, the world around us will change. 

Life is a struggle. The struggle is what make us alive. No pain no gain. Just hold on to the rope of Allah tightly and we will not be swiped away by the fierce tornado. 

May Allah bless us all.

The struggle to get Allah's blessing...

Often in our life we are torn between to follow our heart or our religion. Deep inside us we know what to do, which decision to make, which choice to take but we always have to struggle not to follow our own heart. We think that if we follow our own heart we will feel satisfy but at the back of our mind we know it will only make us suffer more in the end. This is a common struggle that everyone faces. It is the duty of the syaitan or devil to put that doubt, ponder inside our heart. That is what devil has sworn to Allah to do when he was expelled from jannah or heaven for nor bowing to Prophet Adam. 

I have to keep on reminding myself to seek the pleasure of Allah, first and foremost. Put my self interest into the drain. No pain, no gain. Allah does not need me but it is I that need Allah. For my everlasting happiness, both in this world and in the hereafter. So dear self, pull yourself and put your ego aside. Nothing, and nothing is worth losing Allah's pleasure to myself. Especially not my ego.

Oo Allah. You know how weak I am. You know my internal struggle. Please give me the strength to do what I ought to do. To feel what I should feel. To choose what I should choose. To forgive everyone sincerely. To forget what I should forget. Ameen.

May Allah bless us all.