Stick behind a decision

We surveyed for a used MacBook. My husband and I decided to buy one because our second son wanted a Mac, not a PC. A second hand MacBook is about the same price of a new PC. A new MacBook is too expensive. Our second son is so absorbed with GarageBand, an Apple software that can create music. With this software you don't need a studio or musical instruments to produce a record. You can do it single handedly in the privacy of your room.

I called my eldest son to ask his opinion. He said it's ok. In our excitement, we forget to query about the one month guarantee. True enough. After about three months using it, it started to hang for what seem like endless time. Nobody want to use it now. No more queue line. I felt bad about wasting so much money on something that works only for a month. My eldest son said that when I called him to ask for his opinion, he was skeptical about buying a second hand product but since I sound so excited, he don't have the heart to say it. That made my stomach tighten. I said to him, "You said that because things didn't work out now. If the MacBook works pretty well you wouldn't said that. When we make a decision together, we must stick to the decision together. Just like in solat/prayer. Even when the imam forgot to perform the tahiyat awal and straight away went up for the third rakaat, all the makmum/followers must do the same. We must obey the imam even when he make mistake as long as he didn't do something sinful. It's all about staying together. When we stay together, we are strong. If we break away from the jemaah/group because we don't agree with the imam in furu'/small/trivial matters, we will be weak. Son, if we have made a decision together, and things didn't go well as we plan and hope it will be, don't ever say 'I told you so'. That's not the spirit in Islam".

My husband is a very good and fair man. He always ask for my opinion in everything that we want to do. I, in turn, will give him my opinion and ask him to make the final decision. Naturally there are times when he made decision contrary to my opinion and I accepted it happily. When things didn't turn out ok and seem to favour my opinion instead, I have to suppressed the urge to say "I told you so!". Islam is beautiful. In congregation prayer, the followers must follow the imam even when he forgot something. We can't just stop and leave the congregation prayer. We must follow the imam as long as what he forgot doesn't effect the prayer. Muslims are suppose to bring this obedience outside prayer into everyday practices. It's a recipe for a strong muslim ummah. The majority against the individual. I have always been behind my husband. Being a mortal human being of course sometimes I forgot myself. But I try to be behind my husband in everything. I guess my kids have notice this. May Allah give me the strength to be a good muslim always.

A friend suggested to me to bring the MacBook back to the store that I bought it. After a few visits and replacing the hard disk and increasing the RAM, finally the MacBook is running well again. My husband is using it in Paris to skype with us. Staying in touch almost everyday. So sticking together has its rewards! Sweet rewards.

May Allah bless us all. Ameen.

Keeping my family intact

It has been a long time since it feel so lonely as now. My husband is working oversea. For two months at least. The third time going abroad and the first first time to a far away land. The land that has four seasons and a famous tower that was supposed to be torn down in 1909 after its 20 years permit expired.

My duty is to take care of the house and family for him. This evening I took my kids along to send my second son back to his apartment. The apartment is provided freely for the staff of the animation company. He is working there while waiting for his SPM examination results; SPM is comparative to SAT in USA. We had our dinner at a restaurant nearby. Eating out is an important family gathering even though it is not done frequently. It is a time where we exchange story, joke, laughter, feeling, etc. The most important thing is it is an activity that keep us together physically and thus spiritually. Doing things together has always been the family tradition. When the kids were small, it was a natural sight to eat out together. But now when the kids are taller than us, going out together at almost midnight to have a light meal is something that draws attention to us. A family with grown up kids that goes out together at midnight is something that you don't often see. When kids grow up they tend to drift away from the parents. Allah have been most kind to me. I have a close knit family.

On the way home, my third son played a song from a nasyid (islamic song) CD. "Mom, his song is specially for you. It is your story". I listen carefully to the lyrics. When the song was over, he explained that it was about how a wife patiently waiting for her husband to come home, keeping herself faithful and maintaining her virtues. The husband prayed that the wife will be given jannah or heaven. "Thank you son for dedicating this song to me". So my kids noticed and cared. While handling the steering, I said my thanks to Allah. I'm indeed blessed with a good family.

May Allah bless us all. Ameen.

My icon

She was the best of wife the world had ever seen. Always comforting, always there when her man needed her. She's my icon. And she's Khadija, the first wife of Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him (p.b.u.h).

When Prophet Muhammad (p.b.u.h) hurriedly came home from Hira' cave after the first revelation, she didn't immediately asked any question. Looking at her shaking husband, she immediately took a blanket and wrapped him up. She let him lie down to rest and to calm down. She waited until her husband stopped shaking before asking him what had happen. Prophet Muhammad (p.b.u.h) told her how an unknown man suddenly appeared in the cave and hugged him tightly until he almost lost his breath and asked him to read a few sentences after him. Only after Prophet Muhammad (p.b.u.h) repeated those verses after the man did he released him. Then Prophet Muhammad (p.b.u.h) ran for his life and hurriedly came back home.

Muhammad told Khadijah he felt what had happened was something terrible. She calmed him down by saying how a good man he had been; he had never hurt any creature. Surely nothing bad could happen to such a good man that is trusted by the public to keep their precious belongings. She suggested they met her cousin Waraqah Bin Naufal, a very old man who is still practicing the teaching of Injil that was revealed to Jesus or Prophet Isa, to find out what had actually taken place. Waraqah asked Muhammad to repeat what the man had asked him to recite.

Read! In the Name of your Lord, Who has created (all that exists),

Has created man from a clot (a piece of thick coagulated blood).

Read! And your Lord is the Most Generous,

Who has taught (the writing) by the pen,

Has taught man that which he knew not.

Then Waraqah asked Prophet Muhammad (p.b.u.h) to describe the 'man'. Listening to the description, Waraqah said that the 'man' was an angel, the same angel that was sent down to Moses or Prophet Musa. Waraqah said that if he had a long life until Prophet Muhammad (p.b.u.h) received his revelations, he would support Prophet Muhammad (p.b.u.h) with all his might for he knew that Prophet Muhammad (p.b.u.h) would received a lot of resistance and oppressions.

What had always strike me about this event is the way Khadija managed to calm down Prophet Muhammad (p.b.u.h). If my husband came home looking as if he had seen a ghost, I would immediately ask him what had happen. My curiosity would win over my duty to calm my husband down. The way Khadija sooth Prophet Muhammad (p.b.u.h) by saying what a good man he had been, is to me the highest degree of comfort a wife could provide to her husband. A normal wife would say "I told you so!" and nag at the husband about always spending time alone in a secluded cave. MasyaAllah, can a modern day wife be as good a wife as Khadija? Islam has the best example for everything. We just need to open our heart and mind when we read about seerah or the story of Prophet Muhammad (p.b.u.h). It's not just a story, it's how we should carry out our everyday life. Trying to live a pious and blessed life like the example set by Prophet Muhammad (p.b.u.h), his family members and his companions.

May Allah bless us all. Ameen.

Qiamullail

It's so quiet out there. Even the sound of cricket from afar can be heard. Performing qiamullail or wake up in the middle of the night to perform tahajjud prayer, taubat prayer, hajat prayer and witir prayer, have been one of my source of strength beside reading Qur'an and its translation everyday. It is at this wee hour that I feel so close to Allah. Performing my prayer, I don't have to think about chores not finish yet, dish not cooked yet, and the such. I have no other errand at this early morning hour. My mind and heart is devoted to Allah fully.

I'm not alone in the middle of the night. I feel the angels are praying for me too. Especially Gabriel or malaikat Jibrail. Gabriel is the angel that passed down words of Allah or the Holy Qur'an to Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him (p.b.u.h.). Gabriel is a close friend to Prophet Muhammad (p.b.u.h). At his dying bed, Prophet Muhammad (p.b.u.h) summoned for Gabriel and asked why he is absent. Gabriel explained that he can't bear to see Prophet Muhammad dying. Indeed, just thinking of that moment, my heart is crying. The closing prophet that's written both in Torah or Kitab Taurat and in The Old Testament or Kitab Injil, will meet his love, Allah. The word that Prophet Muhammad (p.b.u.h) utter the most at that final moment is 'Ummati' or my ummah, my people. He is most concern about us, those who live from his time until the day of judgement or kiamah/kiamat. Will we follow the right path? Will we submit ourselves totally to Allah? Will we be saved from the torment of the fire in hell?

The sound of the clock ticking put my mind back to my praying mat. May Allah fulfill all my prayers tonight like Allah has always do to all my prayers before. Some prayers are granted immediately, some take years for special purpose which I will find out later. For Allah knows better what to grant and when to grant those prayers of ours. May Allah forgive all our sins and show us to the right path, muslim and non muslims alike. May we find light and truth and serenity. Ameen.

May Allah bless us all.

The Science of Motivation

Dan Pink on the surprising science of motivation | Video on TED.com

Just got this from my twitter account. Dan Pink talk about how promotion, money and materials that are supposed to be a motivator, only hinder creativity and decrease performance. Intrinsic motivation works better for right brain better in making business and organizational decisions. This is actually part of what Islam teaches. We don't work because of material rewards but instead we works as well as we can to please Allah. As a teacher, my reward is not Anugerah Cemerlang (a reward by Malaysian goverment) but to be the best teacher that I can in order to please Allah (not to please my superiors).

May Allah bless us all.

My ex students

"You are invited", sms message in my handphone. The form 4 kids are organizing reunion party. All form 4 students that have transferred to other schools will be joining.

I went to see my ex students. To catch up on them. While eating, I called up A. He was in form 1B in 2006. I was form 1B class teacher then. "How's your parents now?". His parents are divorced now. They were still married but was having major conflict in 2006. "They are ok now teacher. Not quarreling anymore". So they are on good terms now. "Is your father married again?", I can't help asking that question. "No. He doesn't want to get married. So is mom". "If that's the case then pray to Allah so that they will be back to each other again", I was excited with hope. A was longing for this back in 2006 even though his separated parents can't accept that then. "They will marry each other next year, teacher", my heart leap with excitement. "I'm so happy for you". A smiled at me. No matter what conflict a couple may have, kids always wanted to have a family like everyone else. It's part of their self image. But not everyone have that.

Then B came to me. I hardly recognize him. Even his voice has changed. "Teacher, this is me, B". "Is there any side effect after the accident?". B was absent for a month in 2006. His body has some steel implanted surgically to support him. B was not confident that he will perform well after having a lot of catch up to do after the long absent. I managed to convince him and at the end of the year, his grades improved significantly. We talked about his future planning. After that one by one came to me and discuss about schools, future planning, study, etc.

At home I realized how close I was with the kids even though I am on study leave for two years now. Form teacher or just subject teacher, I knew their background and family. It was my practice back then, to ask about their family before I give them advice. Some come from troubled family. Some have low self esteem. Some have attitude problems. I tackle what I can, in ways that I can. The rest is up to Allah. We can only try. Allah will determine the outcome of our efforts. Realizing this, I will not be frustrated if my efforts bear no fruit. At least I have planted a seed in my students' mind and hope one day the seed will grow into a big tree. Of course, I have made mistakes too. I'm only human. The important thing is to learn from our mistakes.

May Allah bless all our efforts. May Allah bless us all.

Awal Muharram

Today is first of Muharram, 1431 Hijrah. And it's Friday Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him (p.b.u.h.), migrated from Mecca to Medina on Friday too, 1,431 years ago. Leaving Mecca, Prophet Muhammad (p.u.b.h.) homeland, because the people there did not response to his preaching except for a small number. Muslims there received all kinds of hardship, torture, and discrimination for their faith of one, almighty god. Mecca people worship more than one god, something that persist until today for most religions. Some muslims have migrated first before him. All of them left behind wealth, family and homeland, to save their faith. In Medina, Islam prosper until it became the world power.

The concept of hijrah or migrating from bad to good, or from good to something better, is a concept that always guide Muslims in their life. Looking back to my past, I have made a lot of hijrah in my life. Wearing hijab or veil during the time when hijab was frown upon by the general public. Now it's a common sight in Malaysia. Agreeing to marry a man of faith from a poor family even though I was not used to hard life. I have made so many hijrah in order to be a good muslim. Always swimming against the tide. All in order to please Allah. It is my hope that Allah will accept it all.

There are times that I hijrah because of condition. When one venue of dakwah is blocked for me, I search other venue. Dakwah is spreading the teaching of Islam. Islam comes as a blessing to all, muslims, non muslims, animal, plants, earth, etc. Islam teach to be in harmony with everything. Blogging is a hijrah for me, a new way of spreading the words of Allah.

I feel blessed because Allah always give me signs. When I do something wrong or inappropriate, something always happen that made me check back my mistakes. What have I done wrong. A long, long time ago, I lost my temper and cane my naughty, naughty students. I was out of control. Going berserk. Later that day, I accidentally smeared my veil with my black marker. I looked at the glaring mark on my veil. It was a glaring reminder of my mistake. A reminder from Allah. That was the last day that I cane student. I made another hijrah on that day.

Now I'm thinking of the hijrah that I still need to make for the better. Everyday I'm closer and closer to the day that I will meet Allah. I want to be the best I can be on that day, and not worst. May Allah help me in my quest.

May Allah bless us all. Happy Maal Hijrah.

berserk- out of control with anger or excitement; wild or frenzied : after she left him, he went berserk, throwing things about theapartment.

smeared- coat or mark (something) messily or carelessly with a greasy or sticky substance : his face was smeared with dirt.