REFLECTION......

The effects of technology

2012-01-27T12:00:00.000-08:00

The facebook group was just recently created about two weeks ago. It is a platform for the students of my school who are interested to increase their Islamic knowledge to share reminders from the Holy Qur'an and Hadith. The effect is like a whirlwind. It reached its 100 members yesterday and is fast growing. The kids put up a lot of reminders.

I had some very tough years before trying to build pious students group - trying to follow the footsteps of Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him (p.b.u.h), in educating his Companions. Some sitting will see a big number of attendance but most of the time only a small core group members will attend. But that doesn't bother me much since I know Allah will not ask me how much I have achieved but rather how much I have tried. What I can achieve is in the hand of Allah. I am just a vehicle. It is Allah that moves people to change. But I have never imagine in my life with the use of technology (i.e. facebook) things can spur up like this.

Accidentally I also bought an iPad two weeks ago. I bought Qur'an Explorer apps. Then I bought apps for Qur'an Tafseer. Then I discovered iBooks for all kinds of Islamic books. This mean beside being my personal reading, I can now take a single device to help me in each sitting with the kids.

May Allah help me in my conquest to seek His pleasure.

Passing through life

2012-01-07T07:20:00.000-08:00

While waiting for my turn to see the doctor, I talked to a lady sitting beside me. She came with a daughter. Her husband has died a few years ago and she supported her family with doing small business. Her eldest son died in a car accident, the second one studying in a college and her daughter that she brought along that day is a disabled lady. She told me how she has to work hard to support her college son and her disabled daughter. Every time her college son goes back to college she will equipped him with dried mee, milo drink and biscuits for breakfast before going to class. She lamented about her life. That's when I felt I needed to clear the air for her. I told her that thank to Allah, her daughter is a disabled person. If she is born smart, then she would be studying somewhere now and leaving her alone at home.

Sometimes we didn't see the blessing that Allah has bestowed upon us because we are being negative minded. We lead our life grumbling about a lot of things and thus we are missing a lot of fun. All my life I have been trying to be a positive person and I am still struggling with it. Trying to channel my energy to doing something that I can do to improve the situation, instead of complaining about things that I can't change. To focus on other people's strength instead on highlighting their weaknesses. To forgive others sincerely instead of letting the anger burn me from inside. To improve the quality of my work instead of complaining on how much I have to do. To do the household chores with a lot of love even when my kids are not helping me. Ya Allah, thank you for all the blessing You bestow upon me.

May Allah bless us all.

lament - expression of regret or disappointment; a complaint : there were constant laments about the conditions of employment.

Parenting

2012-01-01T05:32:00.000-08:00

Time seem to have fly so fast. We sent our first child to his first formal school in 1997. He was seven years old then. Today, the first day of 2012, I am sewing Aiman's school uniform to shorten its length. Seven years old this year, he will start his first formal school next wednesday. A 15 years gap from our first child. It's like the second phase of our parenting life. Three of my kids are already in various universities. My forth child will start her last year of schooling with Aiman.

Some people measure the success of parenting with how good the kids are in their academic life. To us that is the secondary part. The first and foremost criteria of parenting success to us is how good a muslim they are. Are they setting good examples to their friends without having to preach, for actions speak louder than words. Are they performing their prayer in congregation instead of praying alone? Do they say their prayer and sit down to eat? Are they reading the Holy Qur'an everyday?..............

From time to time we have to remind them again the same things that we always reminded them of in the past. For we human always err (make mistakes) and we always forget. Dr Fadhilah Kamsah, a well known motivator, said we have to remind our kids at least 200 times before they can remember. And in most cases we haven't reach that 200 time limit yet. So we will always be patient and keep on reminding. May Allah ease our job as parents. We will be asked by Allah in judgement day wether we have done our best as parents.

Ya Allah. When we pass away let our children remember to pray for us everyday. Amin.

May Allah bless us all.

Extended family gathering

2011-12-30T23:23:00.000-08:00

It was a gathering foe the descendants of Lebai Salleh and Rokiah. The oldest living descendants were their grandchildren, the offsprings of their seven children. That means there are about 400 members and almost three hundred members attended from all over Malaysia. We wore seven different colors according to which one of the seven children of Lebai Salleh and Rokiah we come from. So there were many familiar faces and unfamiliar faces in one compound. The event was held in the compound of two of the grandchildren who are neighbors.

We cooked and had some fun activities together. The most touching part was when my father read out the history of the family. Lebai Salleh and his four siblings migrated for Siam or Thailand now due to the harsh treatment Muslim received from the Siam government. Life was unbearably difficult there. All five of them chose different parts of Kedah to settle down, start planting rice and taught Qur'an to their young neighbors.

It was a time to rekindled with long lost relatives. It was a time to get to know unknown relatives. We even set up a group in FaceBook. The event left a fond memory to me. Plans are made to repeat such gathering once a year. May Allah bless those involved in the planning of the event.

May Allah bless us all.

Congratulations

2011-12-26T07:31:00.000-08:00

PMR's result went out last Thursday. As the form teacher of 3KAA, I looked forward to their result. I have put a lot of time and effort to help all of them to achieve their best. So when six of them got 9 straight As, I praise Allah for this blessing. The others were excellent too.

There's quite a lot of surprises too. At the middle of the year they were still quite weak in a lot of subjects. Their trial results were not as good as we wish for. Maybe this was what make them struggle after that. While doing their exercises everyone was so quiet that you can hear the sound of a pencil dropping to the floor. Even Dila was soundless to the surprise of everyone. Usually she always has something to say. And when she doesn't agree with anything she will make sure everyone knows. But after the trial exam she was as quiet as the peaceful lake. This allowed everyone to focus on their work.

Team work was obvious there. I paired the good students with the weaker ones so that they can help each other. The good students will remember better when they teach their friends. The weaker ones can understand reasons from their peers better than the teacher's explanation for they speak the 'same' language.

I was bombarded in the curriculum meeting just after the trial exam because four students from my class failed Maths, my subject. My excuse was quickly brushed aside. But the kids final result in the PMR exam was excellent and exemplary. Only four didn't get A for maths. Two of them got B and another two got C. The rest scored A. Allah has been kind to me. Alhamdulillah, praise be to Allah. I got a lot of thank you from my students. My response is, "This is your success. As your teacher, I'm happy for you".

May Allah bless us all.

Thank you mom and dad

2011-12-19T17:58:00.000-08:00

It was the first time my little Aiman ride a train that has bunk beds. He was pretty excited last night waiting for the train. Going back to our home town with his older brother and sister, he had planned a week ahead of what he wanted to do there. Fishing is on top of his list of course. Fishing can be done from the window of my mom's kitchen for there is a stream at the back of the house full of talapia fish. There are so many fish that you can choose to fish just the big size ones. Incredible! And all of the fish are so hungry, catching them will be just a matter of minutes.

I'm happy to send my kids to my parents' place. My parents will be busy filling their time with the laughter of their grandchildren and my kids will be happy being pampered by their granny. It will be memorable time for both party. This is a gift of love for my parents that have raised me up to be the person I am now. Thank you mom and dad for everything. Nothing can repay your hardship raising us up. I truly hope all of you will enjoy yourselves tremendously together there. I will come home soon to pick up the kids.

May Allah bless us all.

How to develop your child's creativity

2011-12-14T19:32:00.000-08:00

I think it all started when my six years old son, Aiman, accompanied me to buy some fish. The table that displayed all the fish was in front of a row of houses. Two small kids were attending the stall, a small boy of about Aiman's age and his older brother. They weighted the fish I have chosen and used a calculator to calculate the amount of money that I had to pay. Their father was monitoring them from the yard of their house behind the stall. Aiman asked a lot of questions about the boys. Later on he mentioned about putting up a stall in front of our house to sell the talapia fish that were reared in our two ponds.

When my husband bought a wild chicken with its nine chicks, Aiman asked him what are my husband's plan for it. Fleetingly my husband just mentioned that he is going to sell the chicks when they are big enough because wild chicken are expensive. Aiman asked my husband if he is going to put up a stall in front of the house to do that. My husband explained to him how we can sell using the internet. It was obvious that my little Aiman is interested in business.

My eldest son came home and bought for Aiman an ice cream container that can hold four ice creams. Two days after that we were surprised when a kid rang our bell and told us that she wanted to buy an ice cream. We thought there must be a mistake some where. Then one evening a few kids came to buy ice cream from Aiman. To our surprised Aiman had taken orders from his friends. He served them ice cream that he made himself. He even took orders for the next day. So yesterday I make some Malaysian ice cream to help and support Aiman in his business. We were further surprised when Aiman put up a sticker outside our gate saying 'open'. And when we are going out he will change the sticker to 'close'. Wow! He had put a lot of thinking and effort on how to make his business a success. He even asked me to prepare the type of ice cream that his friends had pre ordered so that he will not lose his customers.

As a family, we always entertain all his questions to our best and little Aiman really have a lot of questions to ask. Sometimes I will answer his questions by asking him back his questions innocently. Then after a short pause he will said, "....oh I know mama, it is like that because......"

Eureka! I have further enhanced his creativity.

If we are impatient to entertain his many questions Aiman wouldn't be a businessman at the age of six. I let him do things that he can handle at his age which are not dangerous. So AIman can prepare ice blended coming back from kindergarden. Of course the kitchen will be messy after that but I have to be patient to develop as many skills as he can gain.

May Allah bless us all.

Life is just a passing by

2011-12-12T19:27:00.000-08:00

We heard that he had health problem. But when my son asked his son about it, he said that his father was ok. So it was a shock when we received the news that he died yesterday. A lost to my community since he was an active member. Every year the neighborhood organize Eid or Hari Raya function in front of his house.

The hardest part for me was watching his family members kissing his face to say good bye before his body was taken away to the grave yard last night. And our time will come soon enough.

Are we prepared to 'go' and leave our family behind? In term of amal or deeds, nobody has done enough good deeds to qualify us for heaven or jannah. If we are to enter heaven, it is because of Allah's mercy and love for us.

I have always waited for the time for me to go and see my creator, Allah the almighty, and my prophet, Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him). As for my family Allah will take care of them. When I leave, I want everybody to know that I have forgiven everyone and I seek everybody's forgiveness to me. Only those who long to see Allah will understand what's inside my heart. And may Allah accept me as his blessed servant and forgive all my sin. Amin.

May Allah bless us all.

Striking a balance

2011-12-07T06:24:00.000-08:00

In this fast pace world some people forget how to relax. They can relax physically but they can't relax mentally. Sitting down watching tv, their minds wander off to their office, project, assignment or whatever they are working on. When their minds are focussed on all these pressing things, every small matter looks ominous. Like a chair that's blocking the way. Small things can cause big fuss.

On the other hand there are some people that tend to relax too much. "There are still time", and they procrastinate. Doing their work last minute and thus, producing shoddy works. When we fail to plan we plan to fail.

It is difficult at time to strike a balance. Sometimes we find solace in other people that are behind schedule like us, produce bad quality works like us, etc. We forget to look at the good workers as a source of inspiration. Take time to ponder upon this matter.

May Allah bless us all.

ominous - giving the impression that something bad or unpleasant is going to happen; threatening; inauspicious : there were ominous dark clouds gathering overhead.

procrastinate - postpone action; put off doing something : it won't be this price forlong, so don't procrastinate.

solace - comfort or consolation in a time of distress or sadness : she sought solace inher religion.

How to relax

2011-12-03T06:29:00.000-08:00

I remember a class I took when I was doing my first degree in Western Illinois University in 1985. The class is called relaxation. It was both easy and tough at the same time. We were suppose to lie down, close our eyes and imagine a beautiful scenery of a water fall. The sound of the water fall is so sweet. Birds singing around. Bright colored flowers adorn the scenery.

We were suppose to forget everything else and relaxed. Then unexpectedly the instructor will take our hand up and throw it down. If we put up even a single resistance (the tense of our muscles for example) the he will pronounced us failed. We were supposed to fully relaxed and do not react. It was hard at first for we tend to resist when people took our hands unexpectedly, a natural reaction. But eventually all of us learned to fully relaxed.

Now when I'm a bit apprehensive or depressed I found that the philosophy I learned in that class is really helpful. Keep quiet and focussed our attentions on the positive aspects of live. There are things that we can't changed so save our energy and effort for the things that we can do something about it. At the very least be positive and be grateful to Allah for every little thing that we have.

Thank you Allah for all the guidance you so lovingly bestow upon me.

May Allah bless us all.

adorn - make more beautiful or attractive : pictures and prints adorned his walls.

apprehensive - anxious or fearful that something bad or unpleasant will happen : he felt apprehensive about going home | [with clause ] they were apprehensive thatsomething might go wrong.

bestow - present (an honor, right, or gift) : the office was bestowed on him by the chief of state | thank you for this honor that you have bestowed upon me

Contraction of marriage

2011-11-25T23:12:00.000-08:00

Just came home the my nephew's majlis akad nikah or contraction of marriage ceremony. A sacred function that unify a man and a woman as husband and wife. Both the bride and bridegroom looked radiant in white.

It reminds me of my own akad nikah ceremony 22 years ago. I was full of suspense, anxious and happy over the prospect of marriage. Happy because every girl is happy to marry. Suspense because I never dated him before. As good muslims we avoid relationship before marriage. It was a marriage arranged by our older friends. And at that time there was no sms, facebook, or email. Even telephone was a luxury. Every communication was through our middleman or rather middle couple. But all the suspense add up to the excitements of love after marriage. And we are very much in love until now.

Our eldest son is already 21 years old. We are preparing ourselves for the day when one by one our kids will marry and leave the nest. As parents I hope we have set good examples of how a husband should loves and care for his wife and vice versa. May Allah bless my family!

May Allah bless us all.

Self Satisfaction

2011-11-21T05:22:00.000-08:00

At the end of the year, a lot of teachers are dissatisfied over the jobs given to them next year. As for me even though I'm given tough jobs (leading two committees), I don't have any complaint. As I said to one of my fellow teacher, we can choose to do our job happily or do it with a grumble. We still have to finish the job. As I always said in this blog, I always choose to lead a happy life.

A happy life is not about what we have or don't have but rather about how we appreciate what we have, while we still have it. For example some people choose to divorce their 'imperfect' partner only to find out that their life is worst off after that.

Nobody is perfect. We need to seek perfection in ourselves but we have to accept imperfections in other people. When we seek perfection in ourselves we will keep on improving. When we accept imperfection in other people we are practicing tolerance.

May we lead a happy life by choice.

May Allah bless us all.

Allah's Blessings

2011-11-15T06:13:00.000-08:00

What a wonderful life we will have if we don't grumble too much. Appreciate what we have while we have it.

How splendid things will be if we can praise more the people around us. To praise my daughter when she cook our lunch for instance. Just close one eye when she does not wash the clothes since she cook lunch. Instead of grumbling our relationship will flower if I appreciate what she has done instead of focusing my attention on what she does not do.

What a wonderful relationship I will have with my husband if I wait for him at the door with a smile and a hug. His presence light up my life.

What a family I have when my kids miss me from far. Remembering me at their college hostels. And I will always pray to Allah for their success in every aspects. To share their dreams and problems.

Thank you Allah for every single thing.

May Allah bless us all.

A bad day

2011-11-02T09:50:00.000-07:00

Everything that can go wrong, went wrong yesterday morning. The label on each class's exam paper had a lot of mistakes. I was exhausted when I did the labeling. And I completely forgotten to write the names of the teachers that started and ended the paper for each class. I was called to the examination room where I was greeted by a loud scold by a senior teacher. She made it clear how mad she was.

Deep inside my heart I knew I deserved that. I admitted I made the lousy mistakes which really spoilt my reputation. Allah give this test to me as a kifarah to reduce my sin; that is if I remain patient and accept the test calmly. To reduce my sin when I criticized other people that make mistakes. Now I'm on the hot spot and this remind me to be kinder to other people when they make mistakes. Thank you Allah for this lesson. All these are making me a more patience person.

May Allah bless us all.

Role model teacher

2011-10-29T06:34:00.000-07:00

She is one of the best teacher I have ever met. She never brag about her achievement but I can see many of her students got grade A for her subject, English.

Having to teach English because lack of English teachers, I have a lot of short comings. She always guide me and is never secretive about the best method to tackle students of different levels. I docilely carry out every advice she gave me. And it works. There are distinct increase on my students' marks.

For next year, she was asked to choose which class she wants to teach. She leave it to the administration to give her whichever class because she told me she can adjust her method of teaching according to the level of the students. What I admired about her is that she works quietly without much complaints and is ever ready to perform her duties to her best. I reflect this to myself. I complaints at times. Just how sincere am I? It seems to me that she is a much more sincere teacher than I am. I've learned a lot from this quiet teacher and I'm changing myself to be more like her. May Allah bless her and all teachers.

May Allah bless us all.

docile - ready to accept control or instruction; submissive : a cheap and docileworkforce.

The truth

2011-10-27T17:54:00.000-07:00

Hajj is around the corner. For those who are chosen by Allah to perform their hajj this year, my prayer is always with all of you. How I wish I can be there too to perform my hajj for the second time.

Deep inside I always pray to Allah that I will be able to visit Mecca and Medina again before I close my eyes to be with Allah. To visit Kaaba, the holy house that Allah instructed Prophet Ibrahim (Abraham) and Prophet Ismail (Isaac) to build. The holy house that muslims from all over the world will turn our faces to while performing our prayer, a symbol of unity. Just imagine the whole world muslim community turn our faces to the same direction. This is something that does not exist in any other religion.

Christian and Jew originally were the religions of the prophets sent by Allah to guide human being. Prophet Muhammad is the last in the line of Prophets. Every human being being is suppose to follow the last religion, Islam, that contain a complete teaching from how to eat to how to rules a country. Christianity and Jew were distorted or changed from the original teaching by their religious leaders. I know some of you out there will be mad at this statement but the truth is always the truth. I pray to Allah that each and everyone of us will find the truth. Allah will grant the truth to those who sincerely seek for the truth. My doa and prayer for all those that seek to find the truth.

For those who have doubt in their heart whether they have found the truth, just pray to god, no matter what your religion is now. Sincerely ask for the truth and Allah will give you signs. You know you have found the truth when there is no more doubt and questions in your heart. No more secret dissatisfaction inside you. If you are sincere, the truth will come your way. May you find the truth. May you find the answer to who you are, who is the real god, why you are created, and what is your mission in this life. My prayer is always with you.

May Allah bless us all.

Aspiring teacher

2011-10-13T08:15:00.000-07:00

I attended a course for Economics teachers a few months ago. I met with a great teacher there that conducted the course. It was the second time I met her while attending courses and she never fail to leave a permanent mark on me.

She talked about being sincere in our works. Trying our level best to give the best to all our students. And she talked about being a good mother and wife. Cook meals for our family instead of buying prepared lunch or dinner. She said our sincerity in preparing the meals will go a long way to our kids and husband. And she taught me not to complaint about works. Just try our best and Allah will reward us - not human beings. May Allah bless people like her.

May Allah bless us all.

Unrealized blessings

2011-10-13T07:51:00.000-07:00

I suddenly realized that my itchiness has gone. In fact it has been gone for a long, long time that I didn't realized when. The itchiness has long bothered me on and off. Gone for a short time before coming back unexpectedly. But now it is gone permanently, praise be to Allah.

This makes me think that there are lots and lots of blessing from Allah that we didn't realized and we should be thankful everyday if not every hour. This realization makes me feel so tiny, so ungrateful to Allah Almighty. May Allah forgive all my sins.

May Allah bless us all.

Words

2011-10-11T07:53:00.000-07:00

Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him (p.b.u.h), said if we do not have anything good to say than it is better for us to keep quiet. This is one of the thing that I find quite hard to do especially when I'm among friends. When we talk too much, we tend to talk negatively about someone. But to be a 'quite' person we are sometimes labelled as unfriendly, a recluse, and so on.

May Allah give me a heart that will always feel uneasy whenever I talk negatively about other people.

May Allah bless us all.

The reason for the test in our life

2011-10-02T01:13:00.000-07:00

When we received a lot of test in our life, that means Allah loves us. Allah wants to hear us praying to Him in our difficult times. But on the contrary we always ask ourselves 'why me?'. Well, why not?

If we said we are the true believers than we will be tested. A test to our iman or faith. We can say that we are true believers but the test in our life will determine whether our words match our faith.

Once my friend was crushed because her husband had a new love. He had no qualm about making it clear to his wife that he had a new love in his life. He was always in mad mood and my friend was always the target of his anger. I was there to comfort her as much and as far as I can. I told her that there is something good waiting for her after all this suffering. Just like Allah's promise in Surah Al-Insyirah that means "So verily, with the hardship, there is relief. Verily, with the hardship, there is relief". Her husband eventually divorced her and marry his new sweetheart.

It was during this period that she met her old college mate that has always secretly admired her from far during college time. He took the second opportunity to ask her to marry him. They are happily married and I was there on their wedding day. I stumbled upon them this morning having breakfast in a restaurant with their second baby. Their happiness is clearly shown on their faces. They had find the relief that Allah has promise after every hardship.

So the next time we face a big test in our life concentrate our energy on the good thing that Allah promise will come on our way. Do not waste our energy and focus on our bad fate but divert them to what's good waiting for us behind all these.

May Allah bless us all.

qualm - an uneasy feeling of doubt, worry, or fear, esp. about one's own conduct; a misgiving : military regimes generally have no qualms about controllingthe press.

Family outing

2011-09-24T09:16:00.000-07:00

We went out together. The whole family. My three boys came home from their various universities and this is an occasion to be celebrated. The request to buy shampoo took the whole family to a shopping complex and we had dinner there.

A family that go out together stays together. Even though my kids are grown up already, we are still like we were 15 years ago. Quality time is a good idea but it still cannot compensate quantity time. Soon they will be married one by one. Hopefully when we go out in the future there will be more people in our team (with our daughters/son in law and grand kids) instead of lesser (just me and my husband). The more the merrier. May Allah bless my family with happiness.

May Allah bless us all.

Extra classes

2011-09-21T00:03:00.000-07:00

Some teachers have paid tuition classes. They make quite a hefty amount. Some even earn more than their salary. But for me I just offer extra class after school voluntarily.

I can see the pattern. Teachers who have tuition classes rarely, if ever, give extra classes after school hours. On the other hand, teachers who give a lot of extra classes are not really interested in tuition classes. Just extra classes for the sake of their students' success. Of course there are those that give both extra classes and paid tuition classes but this group is small.

I believe my reward is that Allah will take care of my kids in their study. Allah will make it easy for them in one way or another. I have seen my kids suddenly excel in their study before. And it will happen again. With Allah's will.

May Allah bless us all.

Praise versus scold

2011-09-13T07:12:00.000-07:00

A Malay proverb says that if we follow our heart we will die. But American always say follow your heart. I think both sayings apply to two completely different situations.

If somebody makes us mad and we become angry, then to me we are no better than that somebody since we are doing exactly the same thing - being mad. If somebody do something bad to us and that makes us having no qualm to do the same to him/her, then are we any better than that person?

When I was young I was highly spirited and always try to fight back. Now I silently accept all the negative remarks or angry words directed towards me. If we think about it, angry words might contain more truth in it than praises that we received. When people are mad at us they will say the negative aspects of us that we might not notice before. On the other hand, a praise may be overboard or insincere. As we aged we will have more wisdom to see through things.

1. Have We not opened your breast for you (O Muhammad (peace be upon him))?

2. And removed from you your burden,

3. And removed from you your burden,

4. And raised high your fame?

5. So verily, with the hardship, there is relief,

6. Verily, with the hardship, there is relief ,

7. So when you have finished, then stand up for Allah worship,

8. And to your Lord (alone) turn (all intentions and hopes and) your invocations.

Al Insyirah

In the above chapter, Allah stresses twice that in every hardship actually there is relief. What more do I need than Allah's promise that in every hardship I faced thare's something good waiting for me around the corner. So much so that almost every time that I faced hardship I will try to think of the good things Allah has in store for me.

So the next time people scolded you, after the heat is over try to think of what that person said to you. Maybe there's a lot of truth that you need to know.

May Allah bless us all.

qualm - an uneasy feeling of doubt, worry, or fear, esp. about one's own conduct;a misgiving : military regimes generally have no qualms about controlling the press.

The simple meaning of happiness

2011-09-06T08:45:00.000-07:00

We had our dinner outside tonight at a restaurant that my two kids chose. Eating out is a luxury that my kids enjoy very much. Little Aiman ordered his favourite - chips and nugget. My girl tried mocca coffee. My girl and I ordered fried noodle and my husband ordered fried rice. There's a lot of prawns on our plate. Finishing my noodle, suddenly my husband put his prawn on my plate. He had already peeled off its skin. He knows that I love prawn. I ate the prawn with chilly sauce. Then he put a second peeled off prawn. I finished that too.

Source of happiness doesn't have to come from money or materials. The simple acts of love speaks a thousand more words than a love letter. Just open our heart to every small act of love that our loved ones show to us. Concentrate on the positive sides. Forget short comings. Nobody is perfect for we are just human and human err.

Choose to be happy. Don't choose to be dissatisfied. The choice is ours. For Hooi Ching, I hope you can practice this.

May Allah bless us all.

err - be mistaken or incorrect; make a mistake : the judge had erred in ruling that the evidence was inadmissible.

Missing Ramadhan

2011-09-05T01:08:00.000-07:00

Back from the Eid Mubarak celebration and starting to teach today, I miss Ramadhan so much. Like losing a dear friend. I miss doing every routine in Ramadhan. Busy preparing meals in the evening for breaking the fast, preparing the meal for sahur at around 4.30 in the morning before waking up every one, finding time to read the Holy Qur'an, going to the musolla at night for Terawih prayer, stealing time while preparing sahur to perform Tahajjud prayer, I miss everything about Ramadhan.

Will I live long enough to see Ramadhan next year? I don't know. Everyday I try to be a better person than yesterday. And everyday I hope to be a better muslim tomorrow compared to today. Just like what Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him (p.b.u.h) wants us to be.

Today I'm fasting. To complete the six day fast that Allah promise us the reward is equal to a year of fasting. I'm fasting in order to be a good servant of Allah. May Allah accept all our good deeds for only Allah knows the value of each of our deed.

I'm looking forward to the day when I can see Allah and Prophet Muhammad (p.b.u.h). May Allah grant my wish.

May Allah bless us all.

Eid Al Mubarak Celebration

2011-09-02T07:38:00.000-07:00

We shook hands and exchange greetings. We asked forgiveness from each other. We met relatives that we get to see once every two years or so. We exchanged news and stories. It's a time to rekindle old friendship, old ties. A time to revive old memories. A time to introduce our kids to their distant relatives.

In the happiness of celebrating Eid Al Mubarak, I deeply miss the holy month of Ramadhan. The solat Terawih or Terawih prayer performed every night. The solat tahajjud or Tahajjud prayer performed in the middle of the night especially during the last ten nights of Ramadhan. Will I live long enough to meet the next Ramadhan?

The celebration of Eid Al Mubarak reminds me to be sincere in forgiving people. And among the sign of sincerity is not to mention again the mistakes that people had done to me in the past. Easier said than done but I am determine to do it. Just as I want people to forget the mistakes I have done to them, I must do the same thing for them. Sometimes we forget that we are no better than others. Only Allah knows who is better and closer to Him. May Allah forgives all my sins and yours.

May Allah bless us all.

rekindle - revive (something that has been lost) : he tried to rekindle their friendship| the photos rekindled memories.

The blessing of Ramadhan

2011-08-20T23:28:00.000-07:00

My orchids are blooming. My tilapia fish had a new school of tilapia babies. We scooped them and transferred into a different pond so that the babies can grow without being eaten. A rare species of our palm plant has fresh young leaves sprouting out at the top. The last time this happen was some years ago. Our chicken has started to produce eggs every two days this Ramadhan after a long period of infertility. We bought a partner to our sole, lonely female rabbit and we expect to get its babies in another 2 months time. I have numerous other gifts from Allah this holy month of Ramadhan.

We contributed some money for the rebuilding of Gaza city. True to Allah's promise we got a whole lot more back. In so many different ways. From different sources. O Allah, transactions with You is always a profitable one. I am constantly reminded to be thankful to Allah by everything around me. Parting of our money for Allah's cause is not 'parting' of money but actually 'receiving' a whole lot more. If only we concentrate on the 'receiving' from Allah, them I'm sure everyone will be generous in the cause of Allah. If only...

I'm enjoying Allah's given pleasure to me like someone basking under the sun after a cold, cold winter. Thank you Allah for giving a lot more than what I gave.

May Allah bless us all.

Digging our own grave

2011-08-13T22:12:00.000-07:00

I was listening to Dr Muhaya in Radio IKIM this morning. The topic was softness. Dr Muhaya said if we are destined to be lucky, we will have softness in our heart, action and thought. Among the softness that lucky people have is the ability to forgive.

One listener called and told that she has been slandered twice and she just can't forgive the person because she can still remember vividly how she felt at that time. It is difficult for her to have 'softness; in this manner.

Dr Muhaya responded by saying that if such incident has happened 10 years ago and she still can't forgive it now, that means she has given away 10 years of her life. She didn't has peace of mind all this time and its like she's digging her own grave.

I have always practice forgiving people and I can sit and laugh with the very same person that has hurt me so much before. But Dr Muhaya's words has given me more meaning to what I have done before. I forgive not just for the sake of that person but more for my own sake. I don't want to keep on stumbling with that person and to keep my eyes away from that person's face. Especially if that person is our spouse or our fellow worker. We are just so close physically. I don't want to hurt myself and my feeling. I choose to forgive and forgive sincely.

May Allah bless us all.

Ramadhan Al Mubarak

2011-08-03T07:25:00.000-07:00

Ramadhan is indeed a month full of blessing. There are so many momentous events that happen in Ramadhan for my family. We had just finished off the payment for our family car. Praise be to Allah, the car is truly ours now. We moved to the present house in the month of Ramadhan last two years. Before that we moved to our first house on first of Ramadhan eleven years ago after living in rented houses for so many years.

There were so many momentous events that happen to Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him (pbuh) in the month of Ramadhan. Many of the battles fought were in Ramadhan. The fasting muslim soldiers could fight the opposing battalion that was countless times bigger than them. In the battle of Badr' there were only 313 muslim soldiers as compared to one thousand kuffar soldiers.

Doa or prayers are easier to be granted by Allah in the month of Ramadhan. That reminds me to say my prayers all the time, wishing Allah to protect my family and to give us happiness in the world and in the hereafter.

We human, always committed crime against ourselves. We forget Allah in times of happiness but we blame Allah in times of hardship. No matter how much we have we always wish for more, forgetting to thanks Allah for everything that we have. When Allah takes aways something from us that we always take for granted but forget to be grateful for it (like our good health), then only will we realize how much blessing we has had. We human always realized how lucky we were only after we lose what we had. Our list of crimes against ourselves will go on and on. We forget that Allah do not need us. On contrary it is we that need Allah.

On this holy night of Ramadhan I am doing a check list of what I should do more (like being thankful to Allah all the times), what I should do less (like complaining and grumbling), what I should avoid (like talking about topics or people that will eventually make me feel dishearten with the good things that I'm trying to do), ect. O Allah, please guide me in every way for I'm such a weak person. Please give me the strength to follow the footsteps of Prophet Muhammad (pbuh). Protect me from my own weaknesses. Give me the wisdom to differentiate between the good and the bad.

May Allah bless us all.

Questions? Answers.

2011-07-26T01:42:00.000-07:00

Not enough time?

Make schedule. Plan your time.

Too much to do?

Alhamdulillah, praise to Allah that we have a lot to do. That's a lot better than not having anything to do.

Can't balance between family and work?

When we are doing family activities, cherish our moments together. Don't think about work. When we are doing our work, finish it fast and finish it well so that when we are home with our family members, we can enjoy every moment of it.

Not happy with our current job?

There are worst jobs. Beggars can't be choosy. If there are other options then go for it. But if things doesn't work either then don't blame the jobs, blame ourselves. Our reactions determine how everything around us appears to us. Not the other way round.

Spouse doesn't understand us?

Understand our spouse first. Study what makes him/her ticks, sad, happy, etc. Before we can ask, we have to give first. We can't change the world but the world will change when we change ourselves.

Envy what other people have/achieved?

Remember, there are something about us that other people envy too. We must appreciate ourselves first to be happy.

Life is not about what we have or don't have. LIFE IS ABOUT ALL THE CHOICES THAT WE MAKE.

May Allah bless us all.

The girl

2011-07-23T04:15:00.001-07:00

She was outstanding to me among the many students that were under detention by the school's discipline teachers. She was nursing her bruises that was still red, exposing her inner skin. I sat down beside her and asked her how did she got the wound. She fell down from a motorbike that was driven by her friend. I asked her if she perform her daily prayer. As expected she said no. She strike me as a girl who colored her hair and wear a veil to school to cover her hair from the discipline unit. School kids are not allowed to color their hair.

Slowly I said to her how much Allah loves her. Have it ever crossed her mind that she fell down from motorbike as a reminder from Allah for her to change? She said her parents had said the same thing to her.

I asked her how much bruises did she have and where? She showed me a few parts which showed that she was badly hurt. When asked why she didn't stay at home she said she had previously signed an agreement with the discipline unit not to skip school anymore since she had problem with her school attendance. I told her the more bruises she have shows the more Allah loves her because the bruises is a reminder for her to chance to a better person. She was very lucky to have such reminder I said. She agreed with what I said and convey her determination to change to a better person. Before leaving, I asked her not to skip her daily prayer and to always ask Allah for guidance.

I hope I have planted a seed inside her. Hopefully the seed will grow in the future if not today. Youngsters will go away from us if we are negative about them. I don't want to judge her. It's not my job. It's Allah's prerogative. My duty is to spread the words of Allah. May Allah bless my efforts.

May Allah bless us all.

prerogative - the right or privilege exclusive to a particular individual or class : owning anautomobile wasstill the prerogative of the rich.

The power of questions

2011-07-05T02:33:00.000-07:00

Having to teach 3 subjects (Mathematics, English and Economics) sometimes has its toil on me. But I love the challenge of delivering the best for my students.

Yesterday I taught about external factors that affect the demand of a product. I made them think like a businessman or an economist or the governor of a national bank. What would they do if they were to make a national policy. Among the questions that I asked my students, if they want to control inflation (high prices of product), will they increase or decrease the personal tax rate? That was the first question in a series of directed questions that is designed for students to come out with the solution themselves. Then I asked if they decide to increase the rate of personal tax, will people's income increase or decrease? Everybody answered 'decreased'. OK, will they then spend more or less? 'Less' was the unanimous answer. How will this affects prices? 'Prices will go down'. So if you are the government, to reduce inflation what will you do, increase or decrease the rate of personal tax? 'Increase!' came the excited answer from my students.

One of my teaching strategy is to make my students see how things are connected to each other like a big web. When they can see the overall picture, they know where does everything belongs to.

My six year old Aiman is a bubbling child. He is always curious about anything and everything. He will ask questions all the times. Sometimes his questions will drown me. So I will turn the table on him. I will ask him back the same question he asks me. Then he will ponder for a while and come out with a logical answer. Bravo! Mission accomplished. He can think on his own.

My mission is to produce creative and critical thinking kids. Whether it is my own kids or my students. May Allah help me in my mission.

My Allah bless us all.

The power of empowerment

2011-06-30T07:48:00.000-07:00

It's Hari Keusahawanan again. Every class has to sell something to raise money for the school. The usual business is to sell food and drinks. Some classes offer games. There is even a mystery house. Out of the blue I thought of a new business to venture - cyber cafe and cinema. Utilizing the two computer labs that the school have, I'm all equipped for the new business.

I divided my 13 boys into two groups. The cyber cafe group was led by Shakir and the cinema group was led by Hafiz. I just gave each group the general instructions and they have to work out the details themselves. The cyber cafe group find their own games to install, reset the LAN connections so that our customers can play games with each other and set the time table for whose on duty. The cinema group find the movies themselves. They borrowed a home theater system and a lap top. Time table for person on duty was also set.

As for the my girls, I gave them the conventional business of selling food and drinks. Forming a working committee, I just gave them the general ideas of how they should go about it. They have to figure out how to organize themselves.

Sometimes my students asked me administrative questions. I always asked them to refer to their group leaders. I'm just an advisor, they have to organize their activities themselves.

Total empowerment that I gave them has positive results. They learned to organize themselves, how to share works, and most importantly how to communicate effectively with each other. So far I can only see enjoyment and no conflict. They were willing to put up long hours in the evening just to install games, set up the cinema, and go shopping for things needed by our stall. They seen to enjoy themselves tremendously.

Even though Hari Keusahawanan will only commence this saturday, we opened our cyber cafe and cinema since wednesday after school hours, giving us a three days head start. The response on Wednesday was ok but we discussed on ways to improve our service. Today (Thursday) we have more customers. Our income on this second day is approximately double than on Wednesday. Praise be to Allah. We expect to get more customers tomorrow and the peak will be on saturday itself.

This experience has shown me the power of empowerment. When people are given the trust and freedom to do what they like, their creativity will flourish. Profit is not my major target. I just want my students to learn to organize themselves, work together, and enjoy the experiences. Hopefully this will be an event that they will remember for a long, long time.

May Allah bless us all.

Report Card

2011-06-28T00:05:00.000-07:00

"OK. Write down your target for PMR trial". It's report card day. I have to think like a parent myself to give the right feedback to my students' parents. Apart from their kid's present performance, they want to know what areas that their kids can improve.

I asked my students to write down their target for PMR trial examination so that I can record them. It's another one a half month before trial and I want them them to target how much they can improve in that time. It's a race against time. I will compare their real performance with their targets today.

Some of them have mental blocks. "I can't", is one of them. I explained to them that it is a matter of your state of mind. If you think you can't, then you can't. As simple as that. As prophet Muhammad said, peace be upon him (p.b.u.h), Allah will not change the fate of a race that did nothing to chance it's own fate. Every progress have to start with us believing in ourselves first. Positive thinking can make wonders in our life. I have my lifespan to testify to that.

I'm in the process to make history with my students. To come out with among the best result any KAA class has ever achived. It's impossible? It's all in the state of our mind. If I belive we can do it together and we work hard at it, then the rest is the work of Allah. May Allah bless our effort with great success. Aminn....

May Allah bless us all.

My son

2011-06-24T02:41:00.000-07:00

"He is not concentrating in class. He used to be my star student but after his trip to Paris, he seems to be uninterested in his study. We teachers are wondering whether he had any problem at home". I had the same complaint last year after a similar trip to Paris. What problem does a six years old boy has? Thinking too much about games I guess. Appreciating his teacher's concern about his study, I don't want to pressure a six year old boy too much who is suppose to enjoy his times as a kid. But at the same time I don't want the present problem to go unsolved.

I discussed with his sister and brothers. All of us agreed that we should spend some times for his lessons and kindergarten's home works. Doing his school works with him. I bought a workbook for him to do at home. His favourite brother, Arif, reported that he need to be strict with Aiman to make sure he finish his homework. He really has problem to focus.

Then we changed our tactics. Every time he asked to buy a new toy we will ask him whether he has study well or not. Then he will list the things that he has achieved so far and we will praise him for all his progresses. His self esteem is on the rise. I always try to convey to him that if we study hard we will stand to gain a lot of things. I want him to study because he want to study, not because of all the goodies he will receive if he study. The goodies are just a bonus, not the the drive or the purpose.

Today, after watching the tv he said to himself that he wanted to study hard so that he will excel. It was as though the words just suddenly crossed his heart. I thank Allah for this. Allah has always answered my prayers. Now he is consciously studying for the his own benefits, not for the goodies.

Education is a long journey, either to my kids or to my students. I know giving my very best as a teacher, Allah will give the best to my kids. Allah has always been kind to me.

May Allah bless us all.

English course

2011-06-18T00:59:00.000-07:00

Driving home on the last day of a five day English course at Institute of Diplomatic and Foreign Relation in Kuala Lumpur, the faces of my course mates and lecturers kept on flashing in my mind. We are government offices from various agencies coming together with the intention to improve our written language. It was a jovial group and lots of jokes were exchanged to ease the seriousness of our difficult assignments. We exchanged our knowledge and experiences during the daily four meals.

Among all the participants, I was quite close with Kak Shima. What distinguished her to me from the rest are her advices and the experiences that she shared with us. Being very humble, no one had any idea that she is a PHD holder until the very last day. She said she wanted to further her study at USIM learning more about Islam. Then someone asked her whether she wanted to do her master or PHD. That was when she revealed that she has already done her PHD and she just wanted to to further her study for the sake of learning.

That is one thing common among most of us, to learn as much as possible. We have to apply for the course, we were not directed to go. Those who go for the course are those that really want to increase their knowledge.

Then there is Sara, a counsellor. Ever willing to share her experiences and ideas about teenagers, family, among other topics, her friendly personality attracts everyone to her like a magnet. We could listen to her for hours without realizing how time has fly. She never hesitate to share, a very generous person at hearth.

It was an eye opening course to me, both its content and its participants. I learned a lot about the correct writing techniques. I also learned the scope of job of others especially from different agencies.

Hopefully next year I can attend a different course at the same place and improve myself further. Beside the content, I can learn from the people I meet too. May Allah bless me with knowledge and wisdom.

May Allah bless us all.

My new passion

2011-06-09T02:47:00.000-07:00

With my maid gone, the whole house is under my administration now. I's a hugh task but I'm happy to say that it's a labour of love. To cook for my family, tidy up all the shelves, mop the floor, take care of the laundry, iron all the clothes...... the list just go on and on. With three of my kids leaving the nest to further their study leaving only two at homes, I feel my task now is a lot easier.

When all my kids were small and I have no maid, to cook lunch or dinner itself was an enormous task. One or two of my kids were always crying because of hunger or discomfort or sick. There are times just to finish frying four fish, I have to put off the fire two to three times to cater to my crying kids before continuing again. Not to mention all the other tasks waiting to be done. We very rarely eat out because all our resources were for the needs of the kids like their milk. No pampers for they are expensive. Just diapers that had to be washed. The moment I arrived at my school to start teaching in the afternoon session, I was already very tired. Sitting down on my chair in the staff room felt like heaven because I hardly had time to sit down at home in the morning. Thinking about it, it felt like it was just yesterday. Time really flies. Now my 'babies' are in university already.

But Allah is always fair. When we were young, our income were small. But we were strong and energetics. We don't have back pains or the such. When we grow older our energy level goes down drastically. But we have the experience and wiseness to work smart. And our income has improved. Actually our bigger income are rezeki from Allah for our kids.

Today I bought two pots of flowers which I hang outside my two kitchen windows. When I wash my dishes or when I'm cooking, the bright colours of the flowers will cheer me up and make my work feel light. I want to enjoy every moment of my life, even when I'm cooking. May Allah bless my family and all other family.

May Allah bless us all.

Our words

2011-06-05T16:48:00.000-07:00

How do we judge how much is a person's worth is? From his/her income and position? From the quantity of his/her property? From his/her manners? From the sweetness or nastiness of his/her talk? What is a person's worth?

In the first place why should we ask this question. Everyone is unique. Everyone has a role to play. Nor everyone can be the boss. And certainly we need someone to mop the floor. We should respect everyone just the same - with sincerity. Our smile should be for everyone - not just for certain few.

Certainly those who are closer to Allah are the better one. We can see from their actions. There is one teacher in my school who are close to Allah. She always perform Dhuha prayer even though her time table is packed on that day. She don't talk much and certainly she doesn't like to chip in whenever people talk about the bad of a particular person. Less talk, less sin.

Even though she credited me as one of the person that shows her the way to practicing true Islam, I always feel that the credit should be on her for giving good example on avoiding making sins from our words. I can't remember any bad words coming from her mouth. I'm the opposite. I think I had talk too much. Initially on the purpose of discussion but I usually transgress into defaming people. The line is very thin between the two and syaitan or the devil/satan will make us forgot the limit. Ya Allah, please give me the will to avoid making sins especially from my words.

Quiet people sometimes are regarded as unfriendly. But to me the less you said, the less sins you make. I want to be use my words to show people the beauty of Islam. That the purpose of this blog. With all my short comings, I ask Allah to forgive all my sins and to always protect me. May the words of Allah spread to all. Amin.

May Allah bless us all.

Timely blessing. Alhamdulillah.

2011-05-23T01:06:00.000-07:00

I overpaid my study loan by a few thousands. Only after a few formal letters, a waiting period of almost a year and a few times climbing MARA building to see the officer in charge, I was told my check in on the way. It was an exasperating period for me. Everyday I open my mailbox to check for my mail. It was a long wait. After a few more weeks, the check finally arrived. It was a timely blessing because it arrived at the exact moment I needed it the most to cover half of my expenses to Paris with my youngest son to see my husband who was on a two month working stint there. Had the check arrived any sooner as I initially desired, I would use it for some other purposes and ending up having to use credit card to go to Paris which means more debt. And I hate debts. All I can say is Allah knows best when is the perfect timing.

My maid was making trouble and we had to send her back to Indonesia for we can't keep her anymore for what she had done. In another three months she would finish her fourth year working with me. But we had to drastically terminate her service. The timing? I had just finished correcting my dissertation for my master degree. It was a great relief. I was struggling to balance my time between work and family, between family and study. When I finish my master degree it felt like a big hill was lifted from my shoulder. That was when my maid made trouble and we had to send her home. It was another timely blessing.

If we just sit down and think, we would see that there's so many timely blessing that Allah had given to us throughout our life. Our car break down just after we got our salary for the month. Someone offers us a drink just when we are so thirsty. So many timely blessings, big and small.

Just sit down and think of all the timely blessing that we got from Allah everyday. And be a thankful servant of Allah. Allah is always in the heart of those who are always thankful to Allah for every blessing, big or small. Thank you Allah.

May Allah bless us all.

exasperating - irritate intensely; infuriate : this futile process exasperates prison officials | [asadj. ] ( exasperated) she grew exasperated with his inability to noticeanything | [as adj. ] ( exasperating) they suffered a number of exasperating setbacks.

stint - a person's fixed or allotted period of work : his varied career included astint as a magician.

A matter of choice

2011-04-29T07:27:00.000-07:00

A lot has happen lately. Next month two of my boys will be furthering their study at new places that poses new challenges to them. My daughter quit the technical school that she had attended for three months and moved back to my school.

I have moved to the second staff room that is considered as 'second class' because of congestion in the first staff room. I have to make way for other teachers so that they will be more spacious and comfortable. Of course it upset me at first since the second staff room is lack of basic amenities. But as a good muslim I have to look at the bright sides. I have a bigger area for myself. And a place for my daughter to study with me after school hours. Adaption just took me two days. A teacher asked me why I moved to the second staff room which she think is inappropriate for me. I just said why not? It's not where you work that matters but how good is your work. One would argue that your working environment does affect your quality of work. I would not disagree with that but I'm not the kind of person that would let such petty thing upset me. If we work because of Allah, then the reward is from Allah. And I'm being rewarded every second, hour and day. What more can I ask?

Reflecting my life, there's a lot of hardship that have help me being a tough person that I am now. Just like Allah said in the Holy Qur'an, every hardship is accompanied by something good. We just have to open our heart to all the blessings around us. We can choose to live a contended life or we can choose to live a miserable life despite everything that we have. I choose to lead a contented life.

May Allah bless all of us.

amenities - desirable or useful feature or facility of a building or place : heating is regarded as a basic amenity.

petty - of little importance; trivial : the petty divisions of party politics.

Junction

2011-03-20T07:21:00.000-07:00

Sometimes when we are in a junction, Allah will show us other options. Then it's a matter of making our choice. Always ask Allah to guide us in every step of our life for Allah knows best.

Bond of different kinds

2011-03-10T23:34:00.000-08:00

I have been a week now in Paris. With my youngest son, Aiman. Wherever I go, he'll go too. He's a very independent son. He can prepare his own drink, get his own food, learn a few skills to survive like learning to surf the internet for games to entertain himself. But he's emotionally attached to me. Very much so.

On one metro train trip in Paris, even though my husband asked him to sit beside him, he refused and prefer to stand up beside me. Walking on the street, he feel safe if I'm holding his hands. But if my husband is the one that's holding his hand, his eyes are always wandering around making sure that I'm in the vicinity. I only realized this during this Paris trip. The bond between a child and his/her mother is sometime have to be seen to be understood.

I'm glad for this trip. I get to be with my husband. He's assigned here in Paris for a two months stint. The initial agreement was for me not to follow him to save money for the kids' college cost. That agreement last until the first day my husband arrived at Paris. In our first telephone conversation, I make a joke of going to Paris since my husband got a much bigger and spacious apartment hotel. Too lonely to stay alone. To my surprise he urged me to make all the preparations necessary to go there whenever possible. That end my misery and bout of cry period for being left alone in Malaysia. I guess the bond between a husband and his wife is sometime have to be seen to be understood too.

I know my kids back in Malaysia missed me. Especially my girl. She's coming home from her boarding school today. Meaning she get to get in touch with me through the internet - Skype, yahoo messenger or FaceBook. Maybe girls or female in general, are more expressive of their feelings. I wonder if my boys are missing me as much as my girl. Are you boys?

And I miss my mom and dad too. And my mother in laws. And my sisters and brothers. I hope they are doing well.

It's not the physical distance that matters the most. It's how close we are with each other in our heart. And I would like to think that Allah and his messenger, Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) is the closest in my heart. For I love everyone that I love because of Allah and his messenger.

May Allah bless us all.

vicinity - the area near or surrounding a particular place

stint - a person's fixed or allotted period of work

bout - a short period of intense activity of a specified kind

My viva session

2011-03-02T06:10:00.000-08:00

My viva session went smoothly. After I presented my thesis, questions keep coming in. Alhamdulillah, praise be to Allah, I can answer all questions smoothly. I noticed that all the questions are just questions on technicalities. No major problems with my thesis. The whole session took less than one hour. I will be granted a master degree provided I made all the amendments suggested by the panel.

After I performed my zohor prayer, I prostrate to say thanks to Allah. That is when I realized that I have been quiet ungrateful at times. Being unsatisfied with a lot of things, I forgot that Allah has given me a lot of things that other people don't have. So why should I be unsatisfied with my working environment for example. Ya Allah, please forgive me for being such ungrateful servant at times.

Alhamdulillah, praise be to Allah. May Allah bless us all.

My products

2011-03-01T01:56:00.000-08:00

I was on my way to the staff room. It was still recess time for form 3 students but the two boys were already outside the staff room waiting for me. "Teacher, next period is our maths class. Please come in early. We want to learn". Then hurriedly they went to their still empty class. The two boys have never passed their maths test before. But this year I'm expecting them to do well in maths for the first time in their life. They are smart boys. They just need coaching, guidance and the most important ingredient of all - the believe that they can do it and do it well.

I have declared in the class that after the coming march test (the first test this year), I will choose 8 top students (based on March test score) to be the mentors in the class. These privileged students will have special extra class with me and they will learn every topics prior before the topics being taught in class. So in class they will help me by going round from group to group teaching them. So there will be many 'teachers' in my class. Many students want to be in that elite group. And the two boys are top in the list.

As I groom my students to change their self concept from "I'm not smart" to "Hey, I can be smart too", I'm still amazed at the transformation that's happening in front of my eyes. One of the boys has a smart twin brother. I make him believe that he can beat his twin brother too. He just has to work harder and I'm here to help him to achieve his mission.

We teachers don't make 'much' in terms of money but we built the nation by building the people. We don't build the sky scrapers but we build the people that build them. I fell in love with this career right from the beginning even though being a teacher has never been my childhood dream. Every day I can see my 'products'. They are everywhere doing all kinds of things.

May Allah bless all teachers. May Allah bless us all.

Just jump that hurdle

2011-02-21T07:25:00.000-08:00

One of my most regret is when I'm overcome with dissatisfaction over a matter until I become grumble some. Complaining about this and that until I forgot to be thankful to Allah; to put it mildly. I will forget that behind every hardship there is lesson to be learned. New skills to be acquired. New strength to be achieved. New doors to be opened. New area to be ventured. New experience to be gained.

No matter how unfair things seem to be, believe me that there's a lot of things in store for us. Good things if we are patience enough. We just have to trust that Allah is always fair to us. That Allah is always with us no matter how hard the road seem to us.

Just jump over the hurdle and reach that finishing line. If we turn back we are going to waste our time, youth, effort, strength. Just go on. Push ourselves. Cut off all the complaints and grumbles. At the end of the day feel proud to emerge as a fighter even though we might not emerge as the winner. Winning is not everything. It's trying our level best that counts.

If we can't be the best, be one of the best. And do it whole heartedly because that's one condition for it to be considered as ibadah and we will receive our rewards or pahala from Allah.

May Allah bless us all.

Ya Rasulullah

2011-02-14T14:56:00.000-08:00

Today is 12 Rabiulawwal in the calender of hijrah (Islamic calender). It's Prophet Muhammad's birthday, peace be upon him (pbuh). It's no ordinary birthday because it marks the birth of world most famous person. President Obama is world famous person but will his name be remembered 500 years from now? Not anywhere near Prophet Muhammad's name (pbuh).

Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) has set the best example as a son, husband, father, employer, neighbour, war leader, head of a country, just to name a few. This makes him the best prophet ever sent down by Allah. Being the last prophet after prophet Isa or Jesus Christ, the revelation given to him in the form of Al Qur'an is the most complete as compare to Torah given to Moses and Injil or Old Testament given to Jesus Christ. While Al Qur'an originality is protected by Allah himself, Torah and Old Testament have been rewritten by the rabbi and the pope quite a few times. For that reason alone the two religious books are deemed as unholy anymore. Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) said that even if the two books are still pure, when Al Qur'an is being sent down the two books are absolete already.

As a good muslim we must love Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) more than anyone else. Many people fear death. To me 'death' does not mean my ties to my loved ones are severed but rather it means new door is opened. The door that allows me to see Allah and Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) directly now. Those that I left behind will be taken care of by Allah. I look forward to that moment everyday. May Allah forgive all my sins and accept me as his pious servant. And may Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) accept me as his follower and give me his syafaat or help during the day of judgement.

May the celebration of Prophet Muhammad's (pbuh) birthday will make us know him and love him better. May Allah bless us all.

rabbi - Jewish scholar or teacher, esp. one who studies or teaches Jewish law. A person appointed as a Jewish religious leader.

severed - divide by cutting or slicing, esp. suddenly and forcibly : the head was severed from the body | [as adj. ] ( severed) severed limbs. Put an end to (a connection or relationship); break off : he severed his relations with Lawrence.

My hobby

2011-02-08T03:03:00.000-08:00

In the new time table two of my maths classes were given to other teacher. In replacement I was given two new classes that in terms of ranking are better than the previous two. By right I should be overjoyed but I'm not that excited. In the one month I had been teaching the classes I have build rapport with the students. Always reminding them to think about ten, twenty years from now what are they going to ride. An old Honda motorbike or a Honda Accord, it all depend on how much they are focussing in class. I stopped by one of my old class to return exercise books and they were asking me to teach them back. It's not as easy as that. Life has to go on.

I taught my two new classes today for the first time and it looks like they are hooked. Slowly I guided them until they come out with the formula of sum of interior angles for any polygons, instead of just giving the formula straight to them. When students are guided into the process of 'why', they don't have to memorize the 'what' because they understand how they formula was developed in the first place. There were much excitement as I gave them from 10 seconds going down to five seconds to calculate the sum of interior angles for a few polygons. There was an air of easiness as I always put up spontaneous multiple choices questions for them to pick up which one is their preferred answer. An air of easiness as I always remind them it's ok to make mistakes as it is part and parcel of learning process. Those that got the right answer would clapped their hand in happiness. This is what I called learning environment. Students don't have feeling of fear or threatened.

No matter what is our job we must do it whole heartedly. A job is a burden is we don't like it but a job can turn into a hobby if we love it. So make the right choices.

May Allah bless us all.

Hope beyond hope

2011-01-28T04:25:00.000-08:00

The hopeful faces of students when I announced another addition to my SPECTRA program this year brighten the morning. I have conducted the SPECTRA for two years whereby if the students can increase their overall percentage from mid year to final by at least 4% they will be awarded a certificate. There are three categories of certificate - bronze, silver and gold, depending on how much they can increase their overall percentage. Not many can get gold certificate because there must be a minimum of 10% increase. There are also certificate for highest increase in each class, highest increase in each form and class with the highest increase of CGPA.

It is during the certificate giving ceremony that you can see the bright faces of students from the smartest to the students from the last class of each form. Nothing is impossible in this program because students are not competing against each other but they are competing against their previous performance. So everyone got a chance to win. You can hear loud clap from the audience when weak students or naughty students coming up to the stage to proudly receive their certificate. Perhaps now the naughty students has found new venues to channel their energy - to increase their performance in school.

The program means a lot to me just as it means a lot to the kids. It is the first time ever they got to be rewarded academically (not just in sport) even though they are weak students. It provide them the hope the self respect they never thought they could attain before. That pride is something that money can't buy. Now they can start to believe in themselves, daring to hope to reach a higher plane. Their bright faces are my reward. And my inner satisfaction. Thank you Allah for choosing me to be the vehicle of hope for these kids.

Today I announced a new dimension to the program. I'm creating a new type of certificate - for 'young teachers'. Smart kids can register to me to guide one to three peers either from the same class or from other classes. They can guide their peers in subjects that they are strong in. It could be one subject or more. Young teachers certificate is awarded to them if their peers' grade are improved. Many students have already taken the form from me today. Some have already submitted their forms, registering to guide three peers that mostly got grade E of G (fail). I can see new hopes and new achievement. May Allah makes it a smooth one for the kids and for me.

May Allah bless us all with wisdom.

Changes

2011-01-24T23:42:00.000-08:00

My Aiman when he was small.

A lot of thing has happened lately. Both at school and at home. Changes at the second top post at my school. Suddenly a new person will fill in the second post and the present person will have to go reluctantly. It makes me realize how small we are. We will never know what's in store for us. One moment we are securely in our position, the next moment someone else take that place.

At home, everything is so much quieter. I plan to go out this evening to get some things for the school but I suddenly realized no more daughter to accompany me around. She's in a boarding school slowly adapting to a new hectic lifestyle. I think I will just go tomorrow. My little Aiman is just off to his Qur'an class. Leaving me and my maid in the house.

The most constant thing in this world is changes. Changes happen everyday. Some changes are so drastic that we could not fail but notice it. Some changes happen so smoothly that we didn't realize it is happening. Like growing older. I would like to think of myself as growing wiser, learning from everything that's happening to me and around me. Always trying to be a better person. A better person today compared to yesterday. But at times I got worst for letting my heart rule my head. But once that bout of irrationality is over, I strive not to repeat that same mistake again. Asking Allah to let me be a strong person and a thankful servant. My graph of life might have its ups and downs but the overall graph I hope is on the rise. Closer and closer to get Allah's love.

May Allah bless us all.

With hardship goeth ease

2011-01-19T01:43:00.000-08:00

Sometimes our niat or intention will be tested to the limit. Are we sincere enough or are we doing it to be rewarded in one ways or another. Who do we seek pleasure from? Allah or people.

We human being are very vulnerable at times. We err for we are only human. Even Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him (p.b.u.h), has had his bad times. After the death of two of his strongest supporter, his wife Khadija and his uncle Abu Thalib, the attack that he received was intensified. He felt so down and Allah sent down Surah Ad-Dhuha to cheer him up.

By the morning hours (1) And by the night when it is stillest, (2) Thy Lord hath not forsaken thee nor doth He hate thee, (3) And verily the latter portion will be better for thee than the former, (4) And verily thy Lord will give unto thee so that thou wilt be content. (5) Did He not find thee an orphan and protect (thee)? (6) Did He not find thee wandering and direct (thee)? (7) Did He not find thee destitute and enrich (thee)? (8) Therefor the orphan oppress not, (9) Therefor the beggar drive not away, (10)Therefor of the bounty of thy Lord be thy discourse. (11)

At times we feel people has let us down but we know that Allah is always by our side. People sometimes will hurt us but Allah will never let us down. We just had to feel Allah's present in our heart.

Allah promise in this surah or verse that as long as we are with Allah, Allah will never let us down. Always protecting us in ways we didn't realize. The end, Allah promise, will be better than the beginning. No love can match Allah's love. Not even a mother's love to her child or a husband's love to his wife. Far, far from it. Is there any room to complaint?

(4) But lo! with hardship goeth ease, (5) Lo! with hardship goeth ease; (Ash-Sharh)

Verily, after every hardship Allah promise us something rosy, fabulous, unexpected reward waiting for us. Think about it. We will not be strong if we do not undergo hardship. So every time we face hardship try to think what's good is coming our way. Later on we will realize that we will never get it without undergoing the hardship first. So always look forward to the good things that come in the package of hardship.

May Allah bless us all.

Lesson of life

2011-01-07T01:59:00.000-08:00

My girl is finally in a boarding school as she wish. Her PMR result wasn't as what she expected. She cried on the day she got it. I waited for a few days until until she was emotionally stable to say that she got what she deserved. She didn't work hard enough to get what she aimed for. When I was in school we didn't have any choice but to do what our parents told us to do. No discussion. Today youngsters have a thousand excuses for their parents.

Suddenly she said she wanted to study in a boarding school so that she has no other choice but to study. No TV, no facebook, no long napping during the day. Study, play, study and study. No other choice in a boarding school. So we went around one whole day going from a technical school to two education offices (from two states) hunting for boarding school. My husband got a phone call late yesterday evening from the technical school asking my girl to register today. We bought all the things that she might need in a boarding school last night. She's happy and I'm happy. Finally my girl got to learn how to survive on her own and be responsible for her own self. No more mother to keep on reminding her of what she need and should do.

She just called me asking me when I'm going to visit her. I said we just seen each other this morning before her father took her to register. She hasn't spent one night in hostel yet. Anyway I'll visit her this sunday on my birthday. How could I celebrate my birthday without my loved one?

May Allah bless us all.

post Mortem

2010-12-31T20:26:00.000-08:00

What should I have done to make it better? Am I pushing people too much or too little? Was it the best choice or should I chose something better? Have I use my time wisely?

We Muslim should always muhasabah or do post mortem on ourselves. Every night. I know for sure that I have not use my time wisely. Poor time management. especially when I'm in front of the tube/TV and give myself the excuse that I needed some time to rest and ending up spending too much time on it. Sure, I learn a lot especially from documentary programs like Nat Geo but plus all the advertisement and everything I end up spending too much time on it and having inadequate time for more important things. I should improve that this year, 2011.

A teacher is one of the best person to make a new year resolution since every year we are given new set of students and jobs. The challenges we face every year are different. Even the way I teach the same topic every year are different simply because I have different set of students that need different ways of learning the same thing.

Once, when I was asked by a class to teach the topic of locus. It was not one of my maths classes but since I'm a maths teacher they want me to give light on the topic that they find so elusive. I purposely asked them how do they want me to teach the topic - the traditional way where they are taught to read the clues and react accordingly or the 3D right brain method. I guess I was just trying to provoke their mind to think. Of course they choose the second method. I use myself as an example of a locus, a moving point. And I asked them where should I move so that I'm constantly equal distance from the two boys that I chose as the model. That was a great start for them to think in 3D and to use their right brain. So I taught the topic in 2 periods instead of a week. One boy in that class said thanks to me after he got A for his maths in PMR examination for teaching him on that day.

If I say I will do my best to improve on the areas where I'm weak, that's not going to work well. Simply because my resolution is not strong enough. I have to make a check list of the things I must do to improve and always check whether I follow the list. All talk but no action is not going to change anything.

I feel better after writing this article. Now I know how to make sure to keep myself on the right track. I have to go back to the time when every morning I wake up I have a list in my head of what I must do and achieve on that day. I need to spring into actions. Not just making resolutions. I hope this article will help you out there too.

May Allah bless us all.

How to keep your heart healthy

2010-12-19T18:59:00.000-08:00

I have long learned not to be bothered too much by the things that I can't do anything about it. Like if your boss is moody and you see him/her to discuss something without being aware of his/her temperament at that point of time. You end up not having a good discussion or even having a bad experience. You just have to learn to read the cues when the time is right. We learn from experience. The point is, don't get too upset over something that you have no control over it. Such experience is bound to happen once in a while.

How does that keep your hearth healthy? By not making your hearth overworked by pumping too much blood in such short time. If you are upset, that what will happen. It can cause high blood pressure without you realizing it.

For muslim, we are always or try to be in the state salimah or peace. We attribute all the bad experience to the test that Allah has given us in order to make us learn something, gain new knowledge or skill, or simply to make us stronger. Never get upset too easily. That's not an attribute of a true muslim. Like the case of Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him (p.b.u.h). A non muslim female neighbour always throw rubbish at his front door every morning. He never scolded her. And when he noticed that there was no rubbish for a day or two, he wondered what happen to the lady. He gave her a visit and found out that she was sick. He did every thing he can to relieve her of her burden as a good neighbour as though she had never done anything wrong to her. She eventually convert to Islam.

Following Prophet Muhammad's (p.b.u.h) foot steps I did the same thing too. I was scolded once by my junior as though I'm the junior. I was just posted back to my old school after finishing my study leave for two years. She wasn't in that school when I left but I guess now she's more 'senior' than me since I'm just reentering. I accepted some of the points even though I think she misunderstood me but I question her method of conveying her message. Like scolding a school girl, not someone older than you yourself. It was tough meeting her at the corridor after the first few days but I still nodded to her to acknowledge her existence. She was all smiling when she had to come to me for help. I willingly helped her.

I can choose to make foe with her but that's not good for the working environment and for my hearth. I don't want to feel so tighten inside every time I see her. The well being of my hearth is more important than her. I just hope that everyone reading this article will understand this too.

Just be patient. If we are on the right side Allah is always there for us. So why bother about things that you can't control? It'll not change anything anyway. Just concentrate on things that you CAN control like improving your weaknesses, learning from previous mistakes and the such. Prophet Muhammad (p.b.u.h) said a good muslim is someone who is better today than yesterday and better tomorrow than today. Meaning we have to keep on improving ourselves. So don't just brush aside critics cause there could be so truth in it. We can only improve if realize out weaknesses. Weaknesses that others will see better than us ourselves.

Lead a good life. May Allah bless us all.

Maher Zain - Palestine Tomorrow Will Be Free

2010-12-17T05:48:00.000-08:00

Every day we tell each other
That this day will be the last
And tomorrow we all can go home free
And all this will finally end
Palestine tomorrow will be free
Palestine tomorrow will be free

No mother no father to wipe away my tears
That’s why I won’t cry
I feel scared but I won’t show my fears
I keep my head high

Deep in my heart I never have any doubt
That Palestine tomorrow will be free
Palestine tomorrow will be free

I saw those rockets and bombs shining in the sky

Like drops of rain in the sun’s light
Taking away everyone dear to my heart
Destroying my dreams in a blink of an eye

What happened to our human rights?
What happened to the sanctity of life?

And all those other lies?
I know that I’m only a child
But is your conscience still alive

I will caress with my bare hands
Every precious grain of sand
Every stone and every tree
‘Cause no matter what they do
They can never hurt you
Coz your soul will always be free

Palestine tomorrow will be free
Palestine tomorrow will be free

Lyrics by Maher Zain

MAHER ZAIN - THE CHOOSEN ONE

2010-12-08T16:27:00.000-08:00

Watching this video, I felt that we muslim has gone far from the teaching of Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him (p.b.u.h). The video is the modern manifestation of how Prophet Muhammad (p.b.u.h) had lived his life. He was most kind to his non muslim neighbour even though she always throw rubbish to his house. Noticing no rubbish one day, Prophet Muhammad (p.b.u.h) gave her a visit just to see if there's something wrong with his neighbour. True enough she was sick. His kind attention and care for her had eventually led her to embrace Islam.

Prophet Muhammad (p.b.u.h) was recorded to race with Aishah, his wife. She won when she was young because she was agile and slim. Later on when she gain weight, Prophet Muhammad (p.b.u.h) won the race. Such attention to his wife. He even sew his own clothes and shoes when they were torn, relieving his wife from as much burden as he could. All husbands should follow his steps - the love and care he devoted for his spouses.

Giving drink to dog in a shoe, letting a small boy riding your back even when you are praying, respecting the elders, loving the young ones, taking care of the environment by throwing your rubbish into the dust bin are all parts of Prophet Muhammad's (p.b.u.h) teachings. I feel shame thinking of how much I strayed from the teachings of Prophet Muhammad (p.b.u.h). Yes I followed a lot of Prophet Muhammad's (p.b.u.h) teachings but there's a lot more to be desired. I'm I good enough to my Indian neighbour? I always give food to them especially malay cuisine whenever I cook more but do I know when they are sick? Am I kind enough to stray dogs? I leave some food at my back alley for the stray dogs to eat at night and feed the alley cats as well. Watching the video I knew there's a lot more that I haven't done. Thanks Maher Zain for the inspirations.

May Allah bless us all.

MAHER ZAIN - OPEN YOUR EYES

2010-12-07T08:32:00.000-08:00

If a ship is sunken by a great storm and an atheist is clinging to a piece of plank for his dear life, he will ask help from the very god that he used to deny the existence. Every soul knows that there is one and only god. Only the stubborn mind try to deny it.

I have watched a YouTube when a man describes his soulful journey. He was an atheist all right. His new born baby had a terrible heart condition that the doctor said he had a few days to live. Then the man silently prayed to god. "Oh God. If you exist please show your existence by making my baby ok. I desperately want this baby. Please answer my prayer and I promised I will find you and devote myself to you".

The baby miraculously was ok after that to the surprised of all the doctors. The man understood that god has reached out to him. He began his long, long journey in search of the true almighty god. He went to all the major church and met all the major priest but nobody can give satisfactory answers to his questions. Questions that stem out of his study of the bible and the old testament. That journey took him eight years. Then he turn his quest for the truth by studying Islam. Here, he found no contradiction that he so often found in christianity. Today, he is a muslim scholar.

We are so absorb with our heavy schedule and problems that we failed to take notice of all the wonders around and inside us. The signs are everywhere. Signs of Allah. Maher Zain is a prolific song writer. He wrote all his lyrics. There were all so powerful because they were written from the heart - a heart that recognize, love, and submit to Allah. All his lyrics moved me to tears. And a whole lot of many other people too. The lyrics OPEN YOUR EYES has caused a few people to convert to Islam. Simply because the lyrics had answered all yearning and quest for the truth that had been buried inside the heart. All the questions that had been silenced all these while but the lyrics had managed to unlock it.

Let's not deny what's in front of us. May Allah bless us all.

A great success

2010-11-15T23:05:00.000-08:00

About 120 students turn out. Ice breaking as the first program really got the kids mixed among themselves. Each group was purposely set up to consist students from every level so that they got to know each other. In their quest to make their group the champion in every activity, they really work together. A lot of barriers are broken down in the process.

What touched me the most is the kids feedback in the 'Coffee Mate' activity. A clever student (the Coffee) was paired with a weak student (the Mate). A Coffee was suppose to be a counselor and interview his/her partner of the problems that he/she is facing to study. Is it personal, financial, or any other type of problem. Then he/she is suppose to give advice. The Mate, on the other hand, was supposed to interview his/her Coffee how he/she study and how does he/she overcome any problems faced. After a period of 20 minutes of doing that, I randomly choose any student, particularly the silent ones. One Coffee said that her Mate has financial problem to begin with. She did not have adequate reference books. Another problem was she didn't have anybody to teach her. So I asked the Coffee what is she going to do about it. She said she is willing to share her reference books and offer her Mate to study with her. To me to achieve this kind of collaboration and team work from a half day program is simply incredible and touching.

One Mate said after her discussion with her Coffee she now realized that she had not been a good daughter all this while since she is always quarreling with her mom. She also realized that there's a lot more that she needed to do to succeed well in her SPM examination. The realization that kids will listen more to their peer friends was the drive behind this particular activity. We teachers had been telling kids all these a thousand times. But when they hear it from their peer friend it was as if it was the first time such thing strike their mind and soul.

One Coffee said his Mate has the problems of spending too much time riding bikes, chatting, playing football and the such. When I asked the Mate to response to that he said he sincerely admitted that he had those problems and he would try his best to improve. A very good self reflection.

One would said that such program should be held at the beginning of the year. I would say it is better to do it last minute than not to do at all. We teachers are learning too on how to handle programs to motivate students. There were four major activities and each one of them produced unexpected results. A lot of confessions, self reflections, realizations, and great presentations.

We embraced each other at the end of the program. Many girls hugged me for a very long time. Some cried on my shoulder. I kissed every girl, a manifestation of my genuine love for all of them. Bond formed and bond sealed.

Good luck to all my girls and boys. Good luck in your SPM examination. May Allah bless us all.

Unexpected response

2010-11-09T23:15:00.000-08:00

From the analysis of the program that I do at school, I found out that the form five students were exhausted. To some it is as if their struggle ended after the SPM trial. Some skip classes or didn't bother to come to school at all. As if they are not going to have a major examination (SPM) in about less than two weeks time. So I come out with an idea.

I asked the form five kids that I'm going to do a program to help motivate them in their preparation for SPM and I wanted only around 35 students. The program will have some multimedia show as an added attraction. It's going to be on voluntary basis, so whoever needed to be motivated can give their names to me. The list goes on and on. In the end, about 130 students gave their names. This is totally a surprise for me. It's also an indication that the kids needed some fresh air.

I immediately went into action. After a few discussions with the school counsellor and some teachers, I came out with a tentative program. The program is scheduled next week, just a day before the Hajj holiday. So I don't know just how many will turn out. I guess the lesser the better for quality sake but I just didn't have the heart to reject any name.

I just had a meeting with some of the teachers that will be the facilitators, briefing them of their role and duties. We are suppose to be the facilitators, not speakers. So our job is to initiate students to come out with the right solutions and mental setting after each activity. Everything will have to come out from the students, not the teachers. The teachers understood that. Now it's my job to come out with some of the materials needed in the program. Some downloading to do. Some programs using keynote software in my MacBook.

May Allah help me in my job. Pray for me. May Allah bless us all.

Hajj

2010-11-04T19:06:00.000-07:00

Haji Menuju Allah
(Original and translated lyrics)

(English)
Labbaikallah humma labbaik
Labbaikala sharikalakalabbaik
Innal hamda wanni'mata
Lakawalmulk la syarikalak
Going for hajj means going to face Allah the Only God,Bringing heart which is shamed,
Giving gift to Allah,Be careful when facing Him
Every slave going for hajj with good intention
Pure heart and good akhlak,halal wealth and clean heart,Pious intention and good amal
Going for hajj, you must have knowledge about it, So that you complete its rukn(stepwise)
Sah and batal will be observed,So that your amal is not wasteful
going hajj, you must take care of ur akhlak
tertib and akhlak must also be observed
performed it with peace and tawaddu',you must have patience and cooperation, dont be pushing other human
being in haraam, be careful of its rule
going for hajj its not the time for shopping
remember to straighten ur niat/intention
so that ur hajj will b accepted
observed the rule which can ruin ur hajj
get away from maksiat which is wasteful
fear Allah and remember Him always
so that we have soul of a slave

Credits to: Bro Fahi

(Malay)
Labbaikallahumma Labbaika
Labbaika Laa Syarikalaka Labbaika
Innalhamda Wal Ni'mata
Laka Wal Mulk Laa Syarikalaka

Pergi haji
Artinya menuju Allah yang esa
Membawa hati dan diri yang hina
Memberi hadiah kepada Allah
Berhati-hatilah menghadapNya

Setiap hamba
Pergi haji dengan segala yang baik
Hati yang baik akhlak yang baik
Harta yang halal hati yang bersih
Niat yang suci amal mulia

Pergi haji
Ilmu tentangnya mestilah ada
Agar syarat dan rukun tepat sempurna
Sah dan batalnya dapat dijaga
Agar amalan hajinya tidak sia-sia

Tata tertib dan akhlak kenalah jaga
Buatlah dengan tenang serta tawadu'
Sabar dan tolak ansur mestilah ada
Jangan berkasar merempuh manusia

Tanah haram jagalah pantang larangnya
Pergi haji bukannya masa untuk membeli belah
Beringatlah betulkanlah niat kita
Moga-moga haji kita diterima

Jagalah pantang larangNya
Yang boleh rusakkan hati
Jauhkan maksiat dan yang sia-sia
Takutkan Allah yang esa
Ingat selalu padaNya
Agar kita senantiasa memiliki jiwa hamba

Oh no. Not again!

2010-10-28T23:47:00.000-07:00

It happened again; for the third time this year. Alin stormed into the staff room to tell me about how Zul has went berserk again and threatened Haziq just because he had said something wrong. He gathered his gang and they punched Haziq. Alin was there trying to stop them but she was pushed away in the process. Alin reported to me that Haziq had taken cover in En. Yusof's room. En Yusof is one of the senior assistants. She also said that En Yusof had tried to find Zul but he was no where to be seen. I told her let En Yusof handle the case first but Alin feared for Haziq's safety. She said Zul professed that he won't be satisfied until he got a few drops of Haziq's blood. I told her not to worry, I'll talk to Zul when the time is appropriate.

Earier this year, Zul got mad at the school's gardener for scolding him. He purposely trespassed the line that the gardener had set up to keep the kids away from the area. When he is mad, Zul is beyond recognition. He will transform into Incredible Hulk and that is not an exaggeration. In that state, he is capable of harming people. When he had cool down, I had a slow talk with him, trying to put some senses into his hard head. He said he would change. Easier said than done.

Second time? I caught him and his two friends escaping class and disturbing another class. The teacher inside that class had asked him to get out but he wasn't perturbed by it at all. I was walking outside the class when I spotted him and his friends. I commanded all three boys to enter their class and stood at the back of the class. The teacher in that class later reported that Zul was like a mad man and screaming his hatred towards me. He said that he would stepped on my head. The next day I got class with him I can't honestly looked at his eyes. It still hurt inside; I need time to heal my wound. I asked him to go to the back of the class. He was resilient and only moved towards the end of the class. Just before the major PMR examination, he asked for my forgiveness. I said I have long forgiven him but I want him to change. Change?

Later on from outside the staff room I saw Zul shaking hand with Haziq. So it was settled then. I was walking at the school canteen, I saw Haziq with a group of form three kids. Zul was sitting at the back quietly listening to the others. I signaled to Zul to come to me. "Oh no, not again!", Zul complained. When he was seated beside me at the canteen I told him that it was I that should say "Oh no, not again!" to him. That was the third time this year he went berserk. I asked him did he knew Prophet Muhammad's [peace be upon him (p.b.u.h)] definition of a strong person? He said no. I said according to Prophet Muhammad (p.b.u.h), a strong person is not a person who is strong physically but instead a strong person is a person who can withhold his anger. Based on Prophet Muhammad's definition, I asked him to rate himself from one to ten. He rated himself zero.

"Zul, we are Abdullah, the servant of Allah. Don't let yourself being the servant of the devil or syaitan by easily going mad. Prophet Muhammad (p.b.u.h) said that if we are mad, if we are standing up, then sit down. If we are sitting down, then lie down. If we still can't control our temper then take ablution or wudhu. Anger is from fire while ablution is taken using water. I really hope I don't ever have to say "Oh no, not again!" to you. Please change." I asked him to think over what I had said to him that night before he went to sleep.

With that statement, I left him. Hopefully I had planted a seed on that day. Maybe the seed won't grow that day. I pray to Allah the seed will eventually grow one day.

May Allah bless us all.

Weekend

2010-10-25T03:34:00.000-07:00

My eldest son came back for the weekend. It was one of the rare weekend where I was totally free without any invitation or school program. I immersed myself into cooking for the whole family. Including trying new recipe of murtabak, a traditional dish. I made lots of it and keep some as frozen food inside my fridge. The frozen murtabak can't seem to last long since the request for it is high. It is one of my source of satisfaction - seeing my family loves the food I prepared.

I considered myself as a hard working worker. Staying back late after school to finish my works. But once I'm home, I enjoyed being a wife and a mother. I'm not the best wife or mother or even teacher. But I would rest in peace knowing that I have tried my best. There are obstacles along the way. To me that is part of the colour of life. Life would be dull without obstacles. Just face it positively.

Next weekend will be a packed one. Invitation and programs waiting for me. Just live our life to the fullest.

May Allah bless us all.

Thank you

2010-10-12T07:06:00.000-07:00

I have just finished my job taking care of a major examination. I was the chief; a very tedious job due to all the documentation that I have to do and the gravity of the job. If anything goes wrong, I'm answerable to all the big people. I have nine people to assist me taking care of the center.

Everybody understood their job well. And everybody was ever ready to help me out in any way they can. "Is there anything I can do to help?" was a common question asked to me. Therefore I'm always delegating my job to them with pleasure. And they were superb. Par de excellence. Releasing some of my pressure and tension.

Today was the last day we worked together. Coming from different institutions, it felt such a short time to get to know each other better. Everyday we felt closer and closer to each other. I gave each of them a small token as a way to say thanks to them. One of them even bought some cookies and packed drinks for all of us. We had a small feast in a very homely atmosphere. When everything was over, we embraced each other affectionately. Everyone helped me to carry something so that I can be free to say thank you and good bye to the administration of the place. How very thoughtful of them. The youngest among us gave us her wedding invitation.

To have a team that work harmoniously together was a blessing from Allah. We made mistakes but every one was cool about it. No group pressure. Only solid group cooperation. May Allah bless them all. Amin.

May Allah bless us all.

The extra class at home

2010-10-09T05:54:00.000-07:00

There was very little time left and I was missing class due to some meeting that I have to attend outside town. The kids are due to take their PMR examination just the following week. I need to give them the last minute touch in order to better prepare them for the exam. So extra class at my house was the solution.

I had a few extra classes at home. Separate session for girls and boys. Without the other sex around, they were very vocal and open. They felt free to ask without feeling shy. I got to discover the topics that they are really weak in when they asked a lot of questions. They were more than happy to study at my home since they got to eat and drink. Hari Raya or Eid cookies were still abundant. It was like a holiday cum study session.

I have done my best. It's up to them now. Whatever result they will get, I rest at peace knowing that I have done my level best to help them up to the very last minute. May Allah bless my effort and their effort with success. Amin.

May Allah bless us all.

2010-10-08T09:13:00.000-07:00

A lot has happened lately. I have had two open house. First was specifically for neighbours and my students. The second was for my husband's and my office mates. We moved in to this new house just over a year ago. In our busy schedule going to and from work, we hardly knew our neighbours except for the the few that live close by. In the back of my mind I felt uneasy about that. Neighbours are suppose to take care of each others. To help each others. It got to start from getting to know each other better. The open house provide that opportunity. It's like breaking the ice session. In future when I greet them, it won't be just for formality for they we are no longer stranger to each other. It will be like greeting friends.

My husband's and my office mates have had been requesting for an open house for a long time. They want to see the green garden, the fish ponds, the aquariums of sea and fresh water fish, the minute/mini chickens, the rabbits. How can we not share the source of our contentment at home. Perhaps it could give them ideas to lead a greener life. A house that will relieve you half of the source of stress at work. When my bougainvillea or roses were blooming with a mix of beautiful colours, as soon as I reach home I will stroll into my garden first before stepping inside the house. It was like the flowers were calling me to appreciate their beauty.

May Allah bless us all.

Eid Mubarak celebration

2010-09-19T00:31:00.000-07:00

First we went to my husband's hometown down south. There were about 40 of us when we gathered around the meal on the last day of Ramadhan. A rare sight. On the first two days of Eid Mubarak, we went to a few houses. Met older relatives. Old faces that we got to see every year during Eid. Exchanging news. I always have a soft heart for older people. Something that Islam has taught me.

We went back home and spend three nights at home as the kids have requested. They wanted to spent some days studying. All of them are facing major examination after Eid. Then we went on up north to visit my parents. My father sponsored the whole extended family to bowling, the family's passion. Everyone aiming to be the champion this time around. A good activity to bond the family's tie.

On the way back we dropped my second son at his college. Some students were already there, studying for their final. Wishing him good luck, we drove home. Yesterday was my eldest son's turn to go back to his college.

This year our celebration is really simple. What's important is not what we wear or what cookies we prepare for our guess. It's more on meeting love ones and seeking forgiveness from each others. Wishing our elder relatives good health so that they can perform their prayers well. I can see light inside their eyes whenever I wish wish them this and they will hug me in return. In that instant it felt as though our souls have touched.

May Allah bless us all.

The blessing of Ramadhan

2010-09-06T04:50:00.000-07:00

Ramadhan is in the third and phase. The phase where muslims are freed from the hell fire if they fill up their time with good deeds. Performing solat tarawwih, listening to tazkirah or reminder, giving alms or sedekah, or whatever it is just to seek Allah's pleasure. It is also the most trying phase since festive mood is in the air and people can easily go astray and immersed themselves in the preparation for Eid Al Mubarak or Hari Raya Aidilfitri. To the point that they abandon performing solat tarawwih in favour of shopping and making cookies. Telivision and radio are filled with Eid song instead of Qur'an recitation. Everything has its price. The higher the reward, the more price you have to pay for it. And being free from hell fire doesn't come cheap. We have to put aside our pleasure to seek Allah's pleasure.

I'm struggling too. Eid preparation is on the way. I have to make sure that I fill up my free time with Qur'an recitation or performing prayer or solah.

My eldest son just came home from his college. The whole family is waiting for my second son to come home soon. Then we can travel to my husband's hometown to celebrate Eid with my mother in law. And visiting my father in law's grave on the morning of Eid after performing Eid prayer. Then visiting relatives' houses to seek forgiveness from each other. That's the spirit, to seek forgiveness.

To all muslims out there, make full use of the remaining of the holy Ramadhan to fill our time with prayers, zikr or remembering Allah and reciting the holy Qur'an. This might be our last Ramadhan. Celebate Eid in the spirit of seeking forgiveness from each other.

May Allah bless us all.

Islam and Muslims

2010-08-16T04:13:00.000-07:00

Many people confused Islam with muslims. Both are regarded as a single entity, the same thing. But they are not.

Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him (p.b.u.h), was given the holy task of spreading the words of Allah. Just like Prophet Musa (Moses) and Prophet Isa (Jesus Christ). No wonder Islam, Judaism and Christianity share the same holy land - Baitul Maqdis in Palestin. Palestine is the land of prophets. Many prophets were born or died in Palestine, including Prophets Ibrahim (Abraham), Lut (Lot), Dawood (David), Suleiman (Solomon), Musa (Moses), and Isa (Jesus), alayhimu-salam.

What a Christian does is very rarely connected to his faith and religion but what a muslim does is always regarded as due to his religious belief. Muslims themselves should change this negative perspective by practicing true Islam. In this holy month of Ramadhan, break our fast moderately. Don't fill up our table with all kinds of dish and dessert. Lead a moderate life and pay out zakat to help the poor and needy. Be kind to the non muslims and show our good characters. Prophet Muhammad (p.b.u.h) only have war with those that have confiscated the belongings of Meccan muslims that migrated to Medinah to save their faith. Lead our life just like the way Prophet Muhammad (p.b.u.h) led his life.

May Allah bless us all.

Welcome Ramadhan

2010-08-15T06:34:00.000-07:00

The blessed month of Ramadhan is back. Every year each muslim will pray to live long enough to meet Ramadhan again. Not everyone will make it. Ahsan wa sahlan ya Ramadhan; welcome, welcome the blessed month of Ramadhan.

Muslim will fast during the day. No food or drink. When I was studying in US a long time ago, one of my American group member offered me chewing gum. She knew that I was fasting but she though fasting must be like not eating meat, like the Buddhist. She was so surprised when I explained that when muslims fast, not even a single drop of water will go to our stomach. Why? That's the real, pure way of knowing how the poor feel when they were forced not to eat when there's nothing around to eat. If we have experienced the hunger then we will have more compassion for the poor and needy.

It's also a good practice to rest our digestive system that have been over worked for eleven months already. Modern science have proven that most of the modern diseases are caused by food, or rather plenty of it. If muslims eat too much when they break their fast, then they got themselves to be blamed, not Islam. Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him (p.b.u.h) broke his fast by eating a few dates and a glass of plain water. Then he performed maghrib prayer. He only ate his meal after that. A light meal.

Fasting is also a good way to increase our iman or faith towards Allah. Many battle have been won during Ramadhan like the battle of Badar. Palestine was liberated from the Christian soldiers by Sallahuddin Al Ayubi in the holy month of Ramadhan too. For the true, pious believers, fasting will only increase their productivity since they do not have to think or spent much time on eating. Many offices organize religious talk during lunch hour, a more productive activity than eating. Pious workers will not waste their time and will work diligently because they are accountable to Allah, not just their employer. I find myself being more productive in the month of Ramadhan since eating time is spend on work instead.

May this Ramadhan be a better Ramadhan than all the previous Ramadhans. May Allah bless us all.

Perseverence

2010-08-04T08:50:00.000-07:00

I was about to go to bed when the movie caught my attention. It was based on true story about John, a delinquent jail attendance and his effort to get his boys to break away from their gang. They are willing to die to stay in their gang. So he created an american football team called Mustang to give them sense of belonging and something worth while to do and to be proud of.

The team has high hope for their first game but they were shattered by their disgraceful defeat of 38-0. Rising from the frustration and to keep on trying was like getting themselves out from a highly pressurized room to the open space outside. If they remain in the room, they will be crushed. If they remain to be a gang member, they will die young. But the journey was really tough. It was team spirit that give them the strength to overcome all hurdles along the way.

In a way, I'm in the same story line. I have a bad team too. Form 3G consists some of the worst boys in the school. They are highly strung kids. Iskandar seldom attend class because he can't wake up in the morning. Jeff was always sleeping in class because he got night part time job that last until 2 a.m. Nizam's uniform defy the school uniform code in every way. A slack that is too tight. A shirt that only fit for an eight year old boy instead of fifteen years old. Just to name a few. I took over the class in March after my study leave was over. Their May mid year examination was too near for me to prepare them for it. I have to write some personal notes on their paper to encourage them to keep on trying even though most of them have '0' for their paper II. How do you tell a child he/she has a future when he/se score zero? That's my job as a teacher. And I did it honestly; not just to cheer them up.

Their PMR trial is less than two weeks time from now. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that each and everyone of them will improve and a few will even produce astounding results. We can only try. Allah will determine. May Allah blessed my efforts.

May Allah bless us all.

The fruit of patience

2010-07-18T03:32:00.000-07:00

As I enter the class it was clearly in total chaos state. A group of boys were pushing each other. Desks and chairs were knocked down as some of the boys fell down. Then they will in turn pushed back their friends and another set of chairs and desks were knocked down in the process. One boy was holding a broom and chasing his friend. Once he got to smack his friend, the friend would turned around and chased him back. The girls were talking loudly as though they didn't notice my presence. Nothing I said or did seemed to be able to stop all of them. I took a deep breath and declared that if they can't respect me, I'm going to ask the principal to take me off from teaching this class. Then I left the class and headed for the staff room.

About six students chased after me including a boy who was still holding a broom in his hand. They kept on asking me to forgive them and go back to class. I kept my pace and entered the staff room. They can't follow me inside.

I drank a glass of plain water in order to stabilize my emotion. I can't easily forgive them or they will repeat the same mistakes over and over again. Something that is easily gain in never valued. But I also know that I have to get back to class. It is unethical to leave your class just like that. I prayed to Allah that if this is a situation that Allah has sent to me to change the students, then give me the strength and the wisdom to advise them. I went out of the staff room. Three girls were still waiting outside the door. I instructed them to walk first. They quietly lead the way. At times they looked back just to make I was still behind them.

Inside the class, I instructed everyone to sit on the floor in front of the class. To make me look superior, they have to look up at me. Some of the boys have to be gathered from other class - they have wandered around. I instructed a girl to close the door. I don't want students from other classes to watch. I told them that in my fifteen years career of a teacher, I have never met total chaos like today.

I said that deep inside my heart, I love them very much. Have they ever heard me scold them for asking a question or for asking me to repeat my explanation? Have I ever cancelled the extra class after school because only one of them turn up? Slowly they said no. I told them how I wanted them to think about their future. What will happen to them in twenty, thirty years time if they are not serious with their study? I even cried in class. Some of the girls cried too. I gave them my ultimatum. If they can't behave themselves in my class, I would ask the principal to change their maths teacher. Then I instructed them to go back to their place. They slowly rose up. Some boys were asking forgiveness from me on behave of the whole class. I just nodded slowly.

That was some weeks ago. Now everyone is in class. I received a lot of questions now. Some boys would not hesitate to go to the white board to ask parts that they can't understand. Even Ikhwan happily announced he has bought his first maths exercise book after seven months of school. I asked the whole class to give him a big clap. Allah has answered my prayer before I went back to class on that historical day. Alhamdulillah, all praises for Allah the almighty.

I chose to rise above the situation and to change the students for good on that day, if Allah permitted. And Allah has granted my wish.

May Allah give us the strength. May Allah bless us all.

Bravo kids!

2010-07-04T07:00:00.000-07:00

Two of my students went to my house early in the morning to help me load my stuff into my MPV. My husband and son gave their hand. My husband drove me to school and helped me to set up my stall. Many of my students were already there waiting for me. We sprang into action immediately, putting cloth covering on the table, arranging the dishes and lighting the stove to cook the soup.

There was a large crowd especially during noon. Even though I have set a timetable of who's on duty for every hour, most of my students were around to help me out all the time. Some were shy shy at first since they were not used to serving customers. That was their first experience. Some were so bold and carry around yogurt and muffins on a tray and walk around and promoting the items. Many students from other stalls did that too. One boy hang a poster on his neck and went down to the shopping area outside the school to promote his class' stall. A rare sight for sure. Some of my students waited until late evening and helped me to pack up after the carnival was over. They were there for the whole day and never neglect me. As for me, that was one of my most tiring day since I have to stand from early morning. It was around 1.30 p.m. before I took a break and sat down. It felt nice to be able to relief my aching legs.

The event was a great success. It was the event that give me the change to teach my students the meaning of unity, team work, selfless and sacrifice. They learn to be enterprising kids in their efforts to promote the stall. It will be an event to remember to a long, long time.

May Allah bless my students. May Allah bless us all.

School Carnival

2010-07-01T05:31:00.000-07:00

The school will be having a carnival this saturday and we are expecting to get about six thousand guests. Almost every student in my class has pledge that their mom will cook something to donate to our class stall. The kids have already come out with a few ideas of what to do with the profit. I told them to concentrate on how much profit we can make first.

I drove the girls to my house after school. While they were having lunch that I had prepared for them, I changed and performed my zohor prayer. Then we had a meeting on what to do and what to buy. Plus making a schedule on who's on duty at our stall on each shift. Getting the students deeply involved in the planning is a way to get full commitment from them. To give them a sense of belonging to the class project. It's a great way to teach them a lot of good values indirectly. Then we went shopping.

My MPV was sardined with seven passengers. All girls. Its easier that way. We went shopping for the ingredients for my meat soup and food container to serve our buyers on that day. There were much excitement and giggling. On the way home, I stopped at a restaurant and treat the girls some light meals. We exchanged jokes and stories. It's a rare sight to see students and teacher being able to talk amicably as though there's no age gap there. Before we eat, I asked the girls to say the prayer in congregation (berjemaah) before eating. I said that's my family tradition even though we eat out. An Indian girl in the group just keep quiet, respecting us. Then we did justice to our food, being hungry after all the shopping.

I sent home every one of them to their door step. I told them to say thanks to their mom for giving them permission to joint my think tank team.

It's not just a class project. It's the project of 43 families. My family and my students' families. May Allah bless our effort with a good profit.

May Allah bless us all.

Parenting

2010-06-11T18:52:00.000-07:00

What does it takes to feel happy? Money? My daughter is missing her second brother badly because they used to do a lot of fun things together. Like drawing, baking cakes, riding the motorbike, and just talking to each other; sharing all their sorrow and happiness. Now he is in college for almost two months already. He called home a few times. Sometimes not talking about anything specific. Just to hear the voices of loved ones.

At times my kids will do things that hurt my feeling. Like when they say something sharp at me or taking their sweet time when I called them to perform congregation prayer (solat berjemaah). I'm not the best mother I know but it feel that I'm such a failure when I fail to educate my kids with the proper Islamic teachings. Respect your elders, perform prayer on time, mingle with every family members to preserve the bond that tied us together, be a productive person and use time well, and the such. Good example set by my husband and me sometimes doesn't serve the purpose well. You got to preach the principles too. And kids got so tired of preaching. At times I feel like giving up but I know I can't. What will I answer to Allah? Everyone is accountable to those under their care. Parents are accountable to Allah for their kids. I always discussed with my husband and he will step in to handle the situation when he see that I was hurt. May Allah bless my husband.

As always Allah is always in the life line. I will wake up at night and perform solat tahajjud or night prayer and ask Allah to change my kids for the better. And to give the strength to me and my husband too. There is nothing that we can achieve without Allah's permission. And Allah is always there waiting for us to pray to him.

I have always pray to Allah to make each and everyone of my family members a good example to all those around us. Little Aiman is my halal ambassador. Choosing the sweets he want to buy at the store, he will always try to convince me to buy by showing the halal logo. "Mama, this one got halal Jakim logo". That sentence always draw smiles from all those around us. A message hit the ground. Each one of my kids have their holy mission. And my husband and I are their muallim and muallimah or guru. May Allah helps us in our mission. Amin.

May Allah bless us all.

Google map and google earth

2010-05-25T07:04:00.000-07:00

I showed them how to use google map. They gasped. Then I clicked on google earth. There's a plug in that I need to install. At first I wasn't going to do it but since the students insisted on it, I submitted to their request. Once google earth works, there's a lot of "aaahh...." and the such. The exact image seen from a satellite. Plus the difference tone of blue for the different depth of the sea. And the different tone of green and brown for the land. Then I move the joy stick. It was helicopter view or airplane view or spaceship view, depending on your height.

Then I moved on to our housing area. Asking google map or google earth to show the route from nearest town to the school, riding a car. Or the route from their house to the school using walking option. The distance and estimated traveling time are also given by the google map/earth. All these are not comparable to anything that the students have ever experience before. They were so thrilled.

The assignment was to do research on all the unknown ethnics of Malaysia for their sivics lesson. I instructed them to include google map or google earth of the region where each ethnic can be found in their PowerPoint presentation and in their report. School holiday assignment to fill up their time with something useful and interesting. They are pretty excited about it.

One of the best time of being a teacher is when you see the faces of the students being lighten up with excitement for learning something new or for understanding something difficult. Its like the bud of a rose slowly opening up. It makes your day.

May Allah bless all our teachers. May Allah bless all our students. May Allah bless us all.

Happy teachers day

2010-05-14T06:53:00.000-07:00

"You smell of cigarette. Stop smoking". I was going from desk to desk to personally monitor each and every one's work. As best as I can in the limited time that I have. Form 3G is the third last class out of 11 classes of form 3. Not every teacher's cup of coffee but I always find it thrilling to teach weak classes. A lot of challenges and it really test my soft skills. "Is the smell that strong teacher?". I nodded and asked him to slowly reduced the number of cigarette he is smoking everyday.

"You are a smart student. Don't kill yourself slowly". He knows I'm not kidding when I said that he's a smart kid since I elected him to be one of the ten mentors in the class. He's in charge of 4 friends under his supervision. Whenever I give exercise, I will teach the mentors first and then they are suppose to teach their group members. I have always use this techniques throughout my career as a maths teacher.

That was my second day teaching his class. And the last day he smell of cigarette. Maybe he had try to reduce his smoking. Today he asked me to give extra questions for him to try at home. "Test your power", as I have always said in class. I showed him roughly the method to solve the questions. I told him he can discuss the questions with me any time, even on the day that his class don't have maths lesson. When I left the class he was deeply engrossed, discussing the questions with his friend next to him. A difficult sight to see in a weak class.

It has always been my experience that weak students are not really weak or stupid. They are just lazy and have very low self motivation. We can't push them and force them to learn. Instead we must make them want to learn. To believe that they are good too. They just have to believe in themselves and work extra hard. That's the soft skill that I meant. Trying very hard to be an inspiring teacher.

Happy teachers day to all teachers. No matter how hard your job is if you can change just one student in your entire career, that's more precious than a diamond. A diamond don't grow. A student will grow into a good person that will create a good family one day that contribute to the betterment of the nation. Thank you to all my teachers for making what I am today. Happy teachers day.

May Allah bless us all.

Just a few words

2010-05-06T07:56:00.000-07:00

I was on my way to the computer lab when I saw two boys sitting on the stairway. One was crouching and the other one was talking to the first boy while wrapping his hands on his friend's shoulder. I signaled to the boys to go back to class but they stay put. So I diverted from my original course and climbed the stair to where they were. The second boy immediately went back to his class but the first boy remained. Then I noticed the tears and the distressed look. I asked him what was the problem and naturally he just kept quiet.

I said something about how life is full of challenges and we just have to face it. Its part of life. I asked him to handle the problem wisely. Then I was back on my way. From behind me I could hear him saying thanks to me. I nodded.

Sometime it takes just a few words to light up someone's day. A few words to show that someone does care. A few words to help make it through a terrible day.

May Allah bless us all.

crouching - a position where the knees are bent and the upper body isbrought forward and down, sometimes to avoid detection or todefend oneself : we crouched down in the trench.

stay put - remain somewhere without moving or being moved.

Having the guts to say I'm sorry

2010-05-03T08:11:00.000-07:00

I didn't mean to interfere. I was only trying to help. But somehow it didn't turn out that way. Can't back out now. What's done is done. There are countless times when things didn't go as we have planned. Sometimes we offended others even though we meant to help out. Then the atmosphere will be charged with tension.

When I was younger, saying sorry feel like offending myself. Why should I when I didn't mean any harm in the first place? It doesn't matter if I can't look straight into the other person's eyes. It doesn't matter if I can't ask for that person help any more. My pride is bigger than all that.

And there are times when other people offended us. It hurts to the core. But keeping the anger inside is like letting ourselves being burned down slowly. Like a candle slowly burning itself to the last drop. It's not good for our mental health. And it's not good for our physical well being either. We have to learn to forgive others.

Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him (p.b.u.h), was teaching in the mosque. Suddenly he said an ahlul jannah (a member of the heaven) would arrived. Everybody waited in anticipation. Then a young man came in. This happen for three consecutive nights. The same young man would appear after Prophet Muhammad p.b.u.h. declared that an ahlul jannah would come in. Unable to hold his curiosity, a sahabah or a companion of Prophet Muhammad p.b.u.h. followed behind the young man on his way back one day. The sahabah give salam (islamic salutation - 'may peace be with you') to the young man and asked him if the young man could help him. He just quarreled with his family member and he needed a place to stay for the night. Would the young man be so kind as to give him the permission to stay with him for a few days? Yes, why not.

During the few days, the sahabah watched the young man closely to see just how much ibadah the young man performed everyday. The young man didn't wake up in the middle of the night to perform extra prayers. In fact, he didn't see anything special. Not able to hold his bubling curiosity anymore, the sahabah confessed to the young man that he didn't quarrel with his family member. That was just an excuse to stay with the young man. To watch what special ibadah that the young man performed everyday. What is your special ibadah that make Prophet Muhammad p.b.u.h. declared you as a member of jannah for three consecutive days?

The young man answered calmly. There's nothing extra ordinary about my ibadah as you can see for yourself. But every night before I go to sleep I would forgive everbody that has any offence against me. MasyaAllah, praise be to Allah. Can it be that simple?

It is not that simple actually. At least not at first. To forgive others that has hurt us is no simple matter. But to a muslim that seek Allah's pleasure more that anything else, it is the very least that we can do. Just to gain Allah's love. And it is not easy to say I'm sorry either. But I'm learning. For Allah's sake. No, for my own sake. For Allah do not need me. It is I who need Allah.

I'm still struggling to sincerely forgive others. Sincere mean not to mention the offend done by that person anymore. Not even to myself. Never open old wound. People can change. Don't hold their past against them. I should treat people the way I want them to treat me. I must sincerely forgive to be sincerely forgiven by others. May Allah give me the strength.

May Allah bless us all.

sharing to enrich our life

2010-04-20T01:05:00.000-07:00

They were reluctant at first. It sound so scary to them. People fear what they don't know. To venture into new field is like throwing one self into the river. Will we be able to swim to the river bank?

I created a ning homepage for the school staffs. A private network just for insiders. To get people to sign up is like asking them utilize a new unknown software. But when they try it, it is fast becoming a tool to get connected. To know what happen to the football and hockey team for example. Or to give vent to their anger when a long planned program was attended by only a few.

I stayed up last night to perform solat hajat, a special prayer asking Allah to grant a certain wish. I prayed for my kids. Their exams are around the corner. My eldest son told me he understood a lot of difficult lesson only when exam is near. Signs that Allah is granting my prayer. When ever my kids tell me they are having difficulty with their study, I will always turn to Allah. And Allah is always near, waiting for us to ask from him.

After the solat hajat, I registered online to attend an Asia Pacific Education Conference as a presenter. I have participated in a university level innovation competition and had won gold medal. I have presented my research at university level alongside lecturers. I have attended world level seminar as participant. Time to venture one step ahead as an international level presenter. All these started after I attended a national level seminar as participant. I no longer fear the unknown because I have make conference as something familiar to me. If my application as a presenter is rejected, that's not a surprise. On the contrary, being accepted is a real shock. I'm just trying my luck. Who knows. No venture, no gain.

Ya Allah, please make niat or intention solely for you. To share my knowledge with others in the hope of making a small difference.

May Allah bless us all.

vent - figurative release or expression of a strong emotion, energy, etc. :children give vent to their anger in various ways.

Behind it all

2010-04-10T16:52:00.000-07:00

I always believe there is a reason for everything. Something behind it all. Like when I was small.

My father was a soldier. When we were small he was seldom around. Either he was guarding the jungle or he was stationed in Sabah or Sarawak, across the ocean. Mom was stranded at home with a baby to take care of. I was the eldest. Naturally I have to take over my father's place to manage the family. Mode of transportation was the public bus. No car, no motorbike. I had a bicycle that I used to go to town and buy our weekly food supply. On my way home, my bicycle was laden with grocery bags. There were plastic bags on the front handle and on the back of my bicycle. If ever my tyre punctured, I had to push my overloaded bicycle all the way home, climbing up the steep hill.

If I'm sick, I would ride the bus on my own and went to the army hospital. I registered myself. The nurse on duty had to looked down over the counter to see her small patient. There usual question would popped out of her mouth, "Where's your parents?". I would asked the doctor to give me double dose because my younger sister had fever too but she was afraid to ride the bus with me without any grown up. I was used to doing things for myself.

All the hardship has transformed me into a tough person. I thanked to Allah for the strength all these experiences had given me. It's nothing compared to the strength Gaza people had inside them. Israel regime cannot kill the spirit and strength they had inside them. Their homes, offices and schools are torn down. Their comrades are killed by the day. But their faith to Allah is impenetrable.

So don't complaint about the hardship that we are facing. I have long changed from a person asking "Why me?" to a person asking "What's good in store for me after all these is over?". Always looking forward to the hidden pleasure behind all the hardships. Try to see the benefits behind it all that are waiting for us. May Allah gives us the strength.

May Allah bless us all. Ameen.

laden - heavily loaded or weighed down : a tree laden with apples | [incombination ] the moisture-laden air.

Being together

2010-03-30T19:31:00.000-07:00

Coming back from school in the evening, I will cook for my family and especially for my husband who just came back from Paris after a three month stay for a job assignment. I want to make up for the time when I'm not around him in Paris and he has to eat fried rice or instant noodle almost everyday. I feel that I have failed to perform my duty to serve him as a wife. My youngest son and I managed to visit him for eight days there and was elated when he went back to our apartment every afternoon to have lunch prepared by me. Everyone would say I went there to visit Paris but that was not my intention. I went there to stay with him and perform my duty as a wife even for a short stay. Paris was a bonus. I would do the same even if he was in Vietnam.

Europeans women would find Asian women as outdated for 'humbling' themselves to their men. I have a different view. My source of happiness is to be with my family. When I come home from school, I am greeted by my roses, orchids, green plants, rabbits, chickens, cat. But they are just the accessories. What make my house my home are my husband and kids. It's the people that make up a home, a family. We would be happy anywhere as long as we are together. From a humble abode that hardly can be called a house at the beginning of our marriage to the present spacious house. We have weathered bad times. We have had good times. But through it all we are always happy for we are always together. Now the birds are leaving the nest. My kids are leaving home for college or university almost every year. But they always stay in touch with us. Especially when they are sick. That's when they miss their mom the most. Now being together is not necessarily being together physically. We are always in each other's heart. That's what matters. Not the materials.

May Allah bless us all.

Family versus career

2010-03-13T08:24:00.000-08:00

A lot has happen lately. Time moves so fast. Time for another child to go out to the university world. We went to an education fair today. There was a big crowd. We went straight away to a booth that belongs to my eldest son university. My second son is interested in animation but there was no foundation course for animation or multimedia. To do either of these two courses, my son has to go through the diploma program first for three years before continue to first degree level for another three or four years. So I ask the officer there another similar or close course. He suggested engineering in naval architecture and shipbuilding. My son was happy. At least it has something to do with designing. And he loves art. He applied for the science and engineering foundation study and straight away got an offer letter since he's qualified for it. That's settle then. No more university hunting.

My study leave is over and I'm back to work. I can choose between working in the ministry or go back to school. If I work in the ministry, I will have my own cubicle or room and working in air conditioned room. I will be treated like an officer. But I have to travel long hours and only gets home late in the evening. Less time with my family. On the other hand if I go back to school I will have to find an unoccupied small corner in an over crowded staff room that has space for just half of us. I have to do all kinds of work from keying marks to sweeping the class if it is untidy before the students get in. But I get to go home early and cook dinner for my family. And guide my kids with their homework. To work in the ministry is very tempting but I know deep down in my heart that my family have to come first. I did solat istikharah, a special prayer to ask Allah to guide me in making the right choice. The sign that I got is to go back to school. So got back to school I did. It was only after the fifth day that my heart finally accepted the fact that this is the best choice for me.

If I'm successful at my work place, that's one person success. But if I'm successful as a mother, I'm preparing to give my country five excellent future workers. Workers that can set good examples for others either professionally or in term of Islamic practices. Workers that never fail to perform their five daily prayers no matter how busy they are. Do I really have a choice? No. I have to choose my family first. May Allah bless my choice.

May Allah bless us all.

My miracle baby

2010-02-10T01:51:00.000-08:00

Is this pregnancy an accident? No. Do you realized that in your condition, you are not suppose to get pregnant? It's dangerous for your kidney and your baby's life. You might risk total kidney failure. Yes, I fully realized that. The Obstetrics and Gynecology (O&G) specialist stared at me in disbelief. She looked at me as though I was mad. Or as if I was in a state of trance and therefore didn't realized what I was saying. No doctor. This is a wanted and planned pregnancy.

Ya Allah I am in front of the Holy Kaaba now. I prostrate myself to you as your helpless servant. Please grant me another child that I can raise to be your obedient servant. A child that will spread your words. A child that will spread the teaching of Islam. And if you grant this wish of mine Ya Allah, please give me good health in spite of my health problem. Please safe guard my health and my baby's health.

It was only after about nine months after I got back from performing my Hajj that I found myself pregnant. My husband was elated. Could this be really true? After a gap of ten years? Well, ten years because my doctor advice me against being pregnant. To go against my doctor's advice, I need Allah's help. Praying in front of the kaaba, I feel so serene, so peaceful. A sign that I can proceed with what I want. Allah has always given me signs. In my heart.

The pregnancy wasn't an easy one. At this age, it drain all my energy. Getting to class was an enormous task. No question about taking the lap top with me as my teaching aids. Instead of having regular pregnancy check out at the local health centre, I have to go the my hospital. I have two specialist clinic to check, G&E and Nefrology. There are times when all my readings went up and the pressure on my emotion was so tense. I have to remind myself of my niat or intention.

Your blood is so thich now. It poses a danger to your fetus and to yourself too. You need to take two type of pills. But I have to tell you that one of it contain pork but the Fatwa Council that have ruled that since it is crucial for patient's life and since there's no other alternative, it is halal.

OK doctor, I understand your explanation. I never doubt the fatwa given by the Fatwa Council. But I will never take that pill. Not unless if you scan and found out that my fetus is not growing and is really in danger of dying. My decision is final. I have big plan for this baby. I don't want to have a bad start.

Now my Aiman is almost five years old. He is Allah's miracle for the family. Learning how to read the Qur'an. There is nothing that I can do without Allah's permission. We can have all the knowledge in the world, be it islamic knowledge or psychological knowledge (which is also part of Islamic knowledge), we can go to all kinds of parenting courses but without Allah's permission we will never achieve anything.

Ya Allah, please blessed all my efforts in raising my five kids. Please let us set good examples to all those around us. May our examples speaks louder than our words. Please bless this family.

May Allah bless us all. Ameen.

trance - a half-conscious state characterized by an absence of response to external stimuli, typically as induced by hypnosis or entered by a medium.

prostrate - lay oneself flat on the ground face downward, esp. in reverence or submission

elated - in high spirits; exultant or proud : the ladies returned with elate and animated faces.

Abdullah Ibn Ummu Maktum

2010-02-05T15:01:00.000-08:00

The road was uneven. He wanted to reach the mosque of Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him (p.b.u.h.), as soon as possible so that he will not miss the congregation prayer. In his blindness, he fell into a hole. He can feel that his clothes was dirty. Standing up slowly, he walked back home. Not to cancel his initial plan, but to change his clothes before going back again to the mosque.

Walking back towards the mosque, he moved carefully. He almost fell again but his hand was suddenly grasped by an other man. Holding his hand along the way, that man helped him to reach the mosque safely. But the irony is when they reached the mosque, the man will let go Abdullah's hands and disappeared. This happen everyday, the man guiding Abdullah to the mosque. He would never revealed to Abdullah who he was even when asked.

One day Abdullah can't stand the curiosity anymore. Who is this kind man after all? What's his name? As usual the man refused to tell. Then Abdullah warned him that if he would not tell, then Abdullah would not want to be guided by the man again.

I am the syaitan/devil. I guided you to mosque every day because when you fall the first time, you was not deterred by it. You keep on going to the mosque after going back home to change your clothes and because of that, half of your sins was forgiven by Allah. I'm afraid if you fall again, Allah will forgive all your sins. I don't want that to happen. That's why I guided you to the mosque everyday.

MasyaAllah. Praise be to Allah. A blind man who was whole hearted in seeking Allah's pleasure. I have to keep on reminding myself of Abdullah Ibn Ummu Maktum whenever I feel lazy. Be it procrastinating to perform my prayer on time, read the Holy Qur'an, renew my wudhu' or ablution, perform solat dhuha in the morning after the sun comes out, solat tahajjud in the middle of the night, reading to seek Allah's knowledge, etc.

I always pray so that in the hereafter I will be placed near Prophet Muhammad (p.b.u.h.) and his companions but what have I been doing to achieve that? My ibadah is nowhere near them. Ya Allah, I pray to you my Lord to give me the strength to keep on improving myself. There is no strength but the strength that You gave us. And there is no god but Allah.

Say: He is Allah, the One!

Allah, the eternally Besought of all!

He begetteth nor was begotten.

And there is none comparable unto Him.

May Allah bless us all. Ameen.

Stick behind a decision

2010-01-24T23:52:00.000-08:00

We surveyed for a used MacBook. My husband and I decided to buy one because our second son wanted a Mac, not a PC. A second hand MacBook is about the same price of a new PC. A new MacBook is too expensive. Our second son is so absorbed with GarageBand, an Apple software that can create music. With this software you don't need a studio or musical instruments to produce a record. You can do it single handedly in the privacy of your room.

I called my eldest son to ask his opinion. He said it's ok. In our excitement, we forget to query about the one month guarantee. True enough. After about three months using it, it started to hang for what seem like endless time. Nobody want to use it now. No more queue line. I felt bad about wasting so much money on something that works only for a month. My eldest son said that when I called him to ask for his opinion, he was skeptical about buying a second hand product but since I sound so excited, he don't have the heart to say it. That made my stomach tighten. I said to him, "You said that because things didn't work out now. If the MacBook works pretty well you wouldn't said that. When we make a decision together, we must stick to the decision together. Just like in solat/prayer. Even when the imam forgot to perform the tahiyat awal and straight away went up for the third rakaat, all the makmum/followers must do the same. We must obey the imam even when he make mistake as long as he didn't do something sinful. It's all about staying together. When we stay together, we are strong. If we break away from the jemaah/group because we don't agree with the imam in furu'/small/trivial matters, we will be weak. Son, if we have made a decision together, and things didn't go well as we plan and hope it will be, don't ever say 'I told you so'. That's not the spirit in Islam".

My husband is a very good and fair man. He always ask for my opinion in everything that we want to do. I, in turn, will give him my opinion and ask him to make the final decision. Naturally there are times when he made decision contrary to my opinion and I accepted it happily. When things didn't turn out ok and seem to favour my opinion instead, I have to suppressed the urge to say "I told you so!". Islam is beautiful. In congregation prayer, the followers must follow the imam even when he forgot something. We can't just stop and leave the congregation prayer. We must follow the imam as long as what he forgot doesn't effect the prayer. Muslims are suppose to bring this obedience outside prayer into everyday practices. It's a recipe for a strong muslim ummah. The majority against the individual. I have always been behind my husband. Being a mortal human being of course sometimes I forgot myself. But I try to be behind my husband in everything. I guess my kids have notice this. May Allah give me the strength to be a good muslim always.

A friend suggested to me to bring the MacBook back to the store that I bought it. After a few visits and replacing the hard disk and increasing the RAM, finally the MacBook is running well again. My husband is using it in Paris to skype with us. Staying in touch almost everyday. So sticking together has its rewards! Sweet rewards.

May Allah bless us all. Ameen.

Keeping my family intact

2010-01-17T05:27:00.000-08:00

It has been a long time since it feel so lonely as now. My husband is working oversea. For two months at least. The third time going abroad and the first first time to a far away land. The land that has four seasons and a famous tower that was supposed to be torn down in 1909 after its 20 years permit expired.

My duty is to take care of the house and family for him. This evening I took my kids along to send my second son back to his apartment. The apartment is provided freely for the staff of the animation company. He is working there while waiting for his SPM examination results; SPM is comparative to SAT in USA. We had our dinner at a restaurant nearby. Eating out is an important family gathering even though it is not done frequently. It is a time where we exchange story, joke, laughter, feeling, etc. The most important thing is it is an activity that keep us together physically and thus spiritually. Doing things together has always been the family tradition. When the kids were small, it was a natural sight to eat out together. But now when the kids are taller than us, going out together at almost midnight to have a light meal is something that draws attention to us. A family with grown up kids that goes out together at midnight is something that you don't often see. When kids grow up they tend to drift away from the parents. Allah have been most kind to me. I have a close knit family.

On the way home, my third son played a song from a nasyid (islamic song) CD. "Mom, his song is specially for you. It is your story". I listen carefully to the lyrics. When the song was over, he explained that it was about how a wife patiently waiting for her husband to come home, keeping herself faithful and maintaining her virtues. The husband prayed that the wife will be given jannah or heaven. "Thank you son for dedicating this song to me". So my kids noticed and cared. While handling the steering, I said my thanks to Allah. I'm indeed blessed with a good family.

May Allah bless us all. Ameen.

My icon

2010-01-09T10:32:00.000-08:00

She was the best of wife the world had ever seen. Always comforting, always there when her man needed her. She's my icon. And she's Khadija, the first wife of Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him (p.b.u.h).

When Prophet Muhammad (p.b.u.h) hurriedly came home from Hira' cave after the first revelation, she didn't immediately asked any question. Looking at her shaking husband, she immediately took a blanket and wrapped him up. She let him lie down to rest and to calm down. She waited until her husband stopped shaking before asking him what had happen. Prophet Muhammad (p.b.u.h) told her how an unknown man suddenly appeared in the cave and hugged him tightly until he almost lost his breath and asked him to read a few sentences after him. Only after Prophet Muhammad (p.b.u.h) repeated those verses after the man did he released him. Then Prophet Muhammad (p.b.u.h) ran for his life and hurriedly came back home.

Muhammad told Khadijah he felt what had happened was something terrible. She calmed him down by saying how a good man he had been; he had never hurt any creature. Surely nothing bad could happen to such a good man that is trusted by the public to keep their precious belongings. She suggested they met her cousin Waraqah Bin Naufal, a very old man who is still practicing the teaching of Injil that was revealed to Jesus or Prophet Isa, to find out what had actually taken place. Waraqah asked Muhammad to repeat what the man had asked him to recite.

Read! In the Name of your Lord, Who has created (all that exists),

Has created man from a clot (a piece of thick coagulated blood).

Read! And your Lord is the Most Generous,

Who has taught (the writing) by the pen,

Has taught man that which he knew not.

Then Waraqah asked Prophet Muhammad (p.b.u.h) to describe the 'man'. Listening to the description, Waraqah said that the 'man' was an angel, the same angel that was sent down to Moses or Prophet Musa. Waraqah said that if he had a long life until Prophet Muhammad (p.b.u.h) received his revelations, he would support Prophet Muhammad (p.b.u.h) with all his might for he knew that Prophet Muhammad (p.b.u.h) would received a lot of resistance and oppressions.

What had always strike me about this event is the way Khadija managed to calm down Prophet Muhammad (p.b.u.h). If my husband came home looking as if he had seen a ghost, I would immediately ask him what had happen. My curiosity would win over my duty to calm my husband down. The way Khadija sooth Prophet Muhammad (p.b.u.h) by saying what a good man he had been, is to me the highest degree of comfort a wife could provide to her husband. A normal wife would say "I told you so!" and nag at the husband about always spending time alone in a secluded cave. MasyaAllah, can a modern day wife be as good a wife as Khadija? Islam has the best example for everything. We just need to open our heart and mind when we read about seerah or the story of Prophet Muhammad (p.b.u.h). It's not just a story, it's how we should carry out our everyday life. Trying to live a pious and blessed life like the example set by Prophet Muhammad (p.b.u.h), his family members and his companions.

May Allah bless us all. Ameen.

Qiamullail

2009-12-30T10:56:00.000-08:00

It's so quiet out there. Even the sound of cricket from afar can be heard. Performing qiamullail or wake up in the middle of the night to perform tahajjud prayer, taubat prayer, hajat prayer and witir prayer, have been one of my source of strength beside reading Qur'an and its translation everyday. It is at this wee hour that I feel so close to Allah. Performing my prayer, I don't have to think about chores not finish yet, dish not cooked yet, and the such. I have no other errand at this early morning hour. My mind and heart is devoted to Allah fully.

I'm not alone in the middle of the night. I feel the angels are praying for me too. Especially Gabriel or malaikat Jibrail. Gabriel is the angel that passed down words of Allah or the Holy Qur'an to Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him (p.b.u.h.). Gabriel is a close friend to Prophet Muhammad (p.b.u.h). At his dying bed, Prophet Muhammad (p.b.u.h) summoned for Gabriel and asked why he is absent. Gabriel explained that he can't bear to see Prophet Muhammad dying. Indeed, just thinking of that moment, my heart is crying. The closing prophet that's written both in Torah or Kitab Taurat and in The Old Testament or Kitab Injil, will meet his love, Allah. The word that Prophet Muhammad (p.b.u.h) utter the most at that final moment is 'Ummati' or my ummah, my people. He is most concern about us, those who live from his time until the day of judgement or kiamah/kiamat. Will we follow the right path? Will we submit ourselves totally to Allah? Will we be saved from the torment of the fire in hell?

The sound of the clock ticking put my mind back to my praying mat. May Allah fulfill all my prayers tonight like Allah has always do to all my prayers before. Some prayers are granted immediately, some take years for special purpose which I will find out later. For Allah knows better what to grant and when to grant those prayers of ours. May Allah forgive all our sins and show us to the right path, muslim and non muslims alike. May we find light and truth and serenity. Ameen.

May Allah bless us all.

The Science of Motivation

2009-12-27T23:26:00.000-08:00

Dan Pink on the surprising science of motivation | Video on TED.com

Just got this from my twitter account. Dan Pink talk about how promotion, money and materials that are supposed to be a motivator, only hinder creativity and decrease performance. Intrinsic motivation works better for right brain better in making business and organizational decisions. This is actually part of what Islam teaches. We don't work because of material rewards but instead we works as well as we can to please Allah. As a teacher, my reward is not Anugerah Cemerlang (a reward by Malaysian goverment) but to be the best teacher that I can in order to please Allah (not to please my superiors).

May Allah bless us all.

My ex students

2009-12-24T23:51:00.000-08:00

"You are invited", sms message in my handphone. The form 4 kids are organizing reunion party. All form 4 students that have transferred to other schools will be joining.

I went to see my ex students. To catch up on them. While eating, I called up A. He was in form 1B in 2006. I was form 1B class teacher then. "How's your parents now?". His parents are divorced now. They were still married but was having major conflict in 2006. "They are ok now teacher. Not quarreling anymore". So they are on good terms now. "Is your father married again?", I can't help asking that question. "No. He doesn't want to get married. So is mom". "If that's the case then pray to Allah so that they will be back to each other again", I was excited with hope. A was longing for this back in 2006 even though his separated parents can't accept that then. "They will marry each other next year, teacher", my heart leap with excitement. "I'm so happy for you". A smiled at me. No matter what conflict a couple may have, kids always wanted to have a family like everyone else. It's part of their self image. But not everyone have that.

Then B came to me. I hardly recognize him. Even his voice has changed. "Teacher, this is me, B". "Is there any side effect after the accident?". B was absent for a month in 2006. His body has some steel implanted surgically to support him. B was not confident that he will perform well after having a lot of catch up to do after the long absent. I managed to convince him and at the end of the year, his grades improved significantly. We talked about his future planning. After that one by one came to me and discuss about schools, future planning, study, etc.

At home I realized how close I was with the kids even though I am on study leave for two years now. Form teacher or just subject teacher, I knew their background and family. It was my practice back then, to ask about their family before I give them advice. Some come from troubled family. Some have low self esteem. Some have attitude problems. I tackle what I can, in ways that I can. The rest is up to Allah. We can only try. Allah will determine the outcome of our efforts. Realizing this, I will not be frustrated if my efforts bear no fruit. At least I have planted a seed in my students' mind and hope one day the seed will grow into a big tree. Of course, I have made mistakes too. I'm only human. The important thing is to learn from our mistakes.

May Allah bless all our efforts. May Allah bless us all.

Awal Muharram

2009-12-17T22:46:00.000-08:00

Today is first of Muharram, 1431 Hijrah. And it's Friday Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him (p.b.u.h.), migrated from Mecca to Medina on Friday too, 1,431 years ago. Leaving Mecca, Prophet Muhammad (p.u.b.h.) homeland, because the people there did not response to his preaching except for a small number. Muslims there received all kinds of hardship, torture, and discrimination for their faith of one, almighty god. Mecca people worship more than one god, something that persist until today for most religions. Some muslims have migrated first before him. All of them left behind wealth, family and homeland, to save their faith. In Medina, Islam prosper until it became the world power.

The concept of hijrah or migrating from bad to good, or from good to something better, is a concept that always guide Muslims in their life. Looking back to my past, I have made a lot of hijrah in my life. Wearing hijab or veil during the time when hijab was frown upon by the general public. Now it's a common sight in Malaysia. Agreeing to marry a man of faith from a poor family even though I was not used to hard life. I have made so many hijrah in order to be a good muslim. Always swimming against the tide. All in order to please Allah. It is my hope that Allah will accept it all.

There are times that I hijrah because of condition. When one venue of dakwah is blocked for me, I search other venue. Dakwah is spreading the teaching of Islam. Islam comes as a blessing to all, muslims, non muslims, animal, plants, earth, etc. Islam teach to be in harmony with everything. Blogging is a hijrah for me, a new way of spreading the words of Allah.

I feel blessed because Allah always give me signs. When I do something wrong or inappropriate, something always happen that made me check back my mistakes. What have I done wrong. A long, long time ago, I lost my temper and cane my naughty, naughty students. I was out of control. Going berserk. Later that day, I accidentally smeared my veil with my black marker. I looked at the glaring mark on my veil. It was a glaring reminder of my mistake. A reminder from Allah. That was the last day that I cane student. I made another hijrah on that day.

Now I'm thinking of the hijrah that I still need to make for the better. Everyday I'm closer and closer to the day that I will meet Allah. I want to be the best I can be on that day, and not worst. May Allah help me in my quest.

May Allah bless us all. Happy Maal Hijrah.

berserk- out of control with anger or excitement; wild or frenzied : after she left him, he went berserk, throwing things about theapartment.

smeared- coat or mark (something) messily or carelessly with a greasy or sticky substance : his face was smeared with dirt.

Visiting Prophet Muhammad

2009-12-08T22:27:00.000-08:00

Completing our hajj, we move on to Medina. Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him (p.b.u.h), said if we visit his resting place, it's like we visit him in person. And that's what it feel like every step of the way. The desert wasn't what I imagine a desert would be. No sand dunes but instead the soil is full of stones, big and small. I tried to imagine the time Prophet Muhammad p.b.u.h. and his close companion Saidina Abu Bakr, on their way to hijrah (make a new start) from Mecca to Medina. There must be a lot of maneuvering to avoid the stones. They followed the sea route which make the journey at least twice as far to avoid detection and capture. Journey on foot under the scorching hot sun which lasted for a few days. And there I was, conveniently traveling in an air conditioned bus for a journey that took only six hours.

The first time I set foot on Masjidil Nabi, I was awed. Not by the majestic building, the automatic moving roof or the splendid architecture but by the fact I was visiting Prophet Muhammad p.b.u.h. in person. At Raudhah, the original site of Prophet Muhammad's house, I said all my prayers for it is a place where prayers are granted easily. Leaving the area, my eyes were brimming with tears. It felt as if I had to be pulled away against my will to leave the holy site. But there were a big crowd waiting for their turn. To leave Prophet Muhammad p.b.u.h. behind was really the hardest thing I had to do. Silently in tears I prayed for a chance to return. And my eyes are in tears now. How can I forget that feeling six years ago. Maybe Prophet Muhammad p.b.u.h. will grace me with a visit in my dream. Do I deserve that? Not in the world. But I am praying to Allah to grant this wish I had. May Allah had mercy and compassion on me.

May Allah bless us all. Ameen.

Leaving Mecca

2009-12-02T05:41:00.000-08:00

That was as far as I was allowed to go. At the place where sa'e is performed at Safa and Marwah hill. Women who had their period are not allowed to go to the tawaf area around Kaaba. We must wave goodbye to Kaaba from afar. For others they must perform tawaf wida' or goodbye tawaf. Tears rolled down my cheek unchecked. The silent sobbing drew attention to me. Some passerby stared at my soggy, red eyes. I can't stop the tears. The sadness of leaving kaaba is almost unbearable. This is the symbol of unity of the ummah. This is the house that Prophet Ibrahim or Abraham and his son Prophet Ismail or Isaac build to worship Allah. This is where I can connect myself physically with Prophet Muhammad at the very same place where he has been before me. This is where I have spent almost a month praying in Masjidil Haram. I have completed my hajj. It's time to move on to Medina.

With heavy heart, I walked towards my hotel. It felt as though I have left my heart behind. When will I come back? After each prayer in Masjidil Haram I always pray to Allah that one day I can come back with my whole family.

Muslim who haven't perform their hajj or umrah, long to go to Mecca as soon as possible. For those who have, long to go there again. It's a place of worship. It's a place of total peace and tranquility. It's a place that do not recognize the differences of race, color, creed, or political stand. It's a place of unity. It's a place where part of my heart will always be there.

Slowly I entered the waiting bus. As the bus moved away, my tears rolled down again. Moving away, Masjidil Haram seem smaller and smaller until it finally disappeared from my view. I will come again, InsyaAllah. It all seem happened just yesterday and not six years ago.

May Allah bless us all. Ameen.

long - have a strong wish or desire : we are longing to see the new baby.

tranquility - free from disturbance; calm : her tranquil gaze | the sea was tranquil.

Eidul Adha

2009-11-24T13:14:00.000-08:00

Prophet Ibrahim (Abraham) told his son, Prophet Ismail (Isaac) that he had a few dreams of him slaughtering his son. Prophet Ismail understood the meaning of the dream. Allah had ordered his father to slaughter him in yet another test of iman or faith. Prophets' dream are true.

Oh father, you will find me an obedient servant. Do what Allah has ordered you to do. I only have three request from you. First, tie me tightly until I cannot struggle at all. Second, take off my shirt so that it will not be tainted with blood. My mother, Hajar, will be sad if she see my shirt full of blood. Let her smell my clean shirt in remembrance of me, her only child. Thirdly, please use a very sharp knife so that I will suffer less.

On the fateful day, while Prophet Ibrahim was walking to the slaughter site, satan appeared and tried to persuade him not to go on with it. Don't you love your son, satan said among others. This happened three times at three different places and at each time, Prophet Ibrahim took some pebbles and threw at satan until he disappeared. He tied Prophet Ismail tightly and went on to put the sharp knife on his son's neck. Just when he was about to continue, Allah has substitute Prophet Ismail with a sheep. Both father and son has undergone the severe test successfully.

Today, while performing hajj, pilgrims will throw pebbles at Jamratul sughra, Jamratul Wusta and Jamratul Aqabah as a symbol of rejecting satan requests just like what Prophet Ibrahim had done. And on 10 Zulhijjah or a few days after that, they will slaughter sheep.

It was very difficult for my husband and I to reach the Jamratul Aqabah on the third day six years ago. The wave of people keep on pushing us back like strong current. We decided to try again later on. I was sad then. It was a lot easier when my husband took my mother in law earlier on. He cannot take us both at the same time for it would be difficult to handle. After resting for some time, we decided to try again on the second floor. Subhanallah, praise be to Allah, there were only a handful of people there then. It seems the big crowd had moved away. I kept on saying Alhamdulillah, thank you Allah, in my hearth.

This year, I send a check to an organization to have my Qurban or slaughtering of sheep done in Palestine. How they had suffered in the hand of Israel. When I celebrate Eidul Adha on 10 Zulhijjah this year (two days more), I won't feel guilty of celebrating it happily with my family while other muslims suffer somewhere else. Hopefully my small contribution will enlighten their day.

Ya Allah, bless all those that has suffer so much just to worship you as the one and only almighty god. Bless us all. Ameen.

Safa and Marwah

2009-11-17T11:34:00.000-08:00

The desert was hot and barren. No tree, no source of water, no nothing. She looked at her husband in disbelief. He wanted to leave her and their baby alone in the middle of the desert? Only one question crossed her mind. Is this a command from Allah? Yes, her husband said. Then you must go she said. She watched him walking away, slowly disappearing from her sight leaving behind some water and food behind which finished soon enough. Her baby started crying. She became desperate and started looking for water. In her state of helplessness, she put down her baby and started to run to Safa hill. No water there. So she ran to the opposite Marwah hill. No water there too. The baby keep on crying. In her panic she ran from Safa to Marwah hill to and fro for seven times. Suddenly the baby stop crying and she saw a water pool gushing out at the end of her baby's feet. Subhanallah, praise be to Allah for sending this source of water. Not long after kabilah or groups of travelers stopped there and a town slowly build up.

That was the story of Prophet Ibrahim or Abraham, his wife Hajar and their son, Prophet Ismail or Isaac. When the order came down from Allah to leave his beloved wife and baby son in the middle of nowhere, he abided. When Hajar was told she was to be left behind because it was the command of Allah, she abided. Would you do the same if you are in their position? May Allah give us the strength to be abiding servants.

The town is Mecca. The water source is Zam Zam water that never run dry until today. A lot of the rituals during Hajj are to commemorate the sacrifices that Prophet Ibrahim and his family have done in order to obey Allah. Going to and fro from Safa to Marwah for seven times and ending up at Marwah hill while performing Sa'e during my Hajj six years ago, I can't imagine what Hajar had gone through for the place is indoor inside Masjidil Haram now. No more scorching hot sun on top of our head. No more sand and stone on the ground. What we are doing is nothing compared to what Prophet Ibrahim's family has gone through. Prophet Ibrahim in his prayer has asked Allah to bless his descendants. Indeed all the Prophets that came after him are his lineage.

Ya Allah. Blessed the family of Prophet Ibrahim. Blessed the family of Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him. Bless us all. Ameen.

lineage - lineal descent from an ancestor; ancestry.

Follow the story of Prophet Ibrahim, the father of Prophets, at http://www.islamicity.com/Mosque/ibrahim.htm

That african man in Mina.

2009-11-11T22:44:00.000-08:00

He was standing at the side of the road, watching passerby. My husband stopped beside him to buy mineral water being sold nearby. My husband started chatting with him while consuming the mineral water. He is from a country in African continent. This is the third time he went to perform hajj on foot, walking all the way. The first time he came, he was only ten years old, walking with his father. Now he is in the early twenty, working as a religious teacher teaching the holy Qur'an. He doesn't earn much but what little he earn he keep some to perform hajj. My husband was touched. Walking all the way from Africa?

My husband and I make it a point to save every bit that we can in order to perform hajj as early as possible while we are still young and strong. My husband wanted to change to a bigger motorbike to go to work which would take almost an hour to arrive riding a small motorbike. Plus riding a small motorbike for a long time twice a day take its toll on my husband's waist, it sometime aches. But I told him to put everything on hold until we have perform our hajj first. As soon as we can afford it we perform our hajj using the muassasah or the cheapest choice. We did't go using package scheme since it is expensive and would take us longer time to come out with the money even though it is much more comfortable and easier. Choosing muassasah would mean walking eight kilometers to the jamrah area and walking another eight kilometers back to our camp every day for three consecutive days. We don't mind that as long as we could perform our hajj at the earliest time possible.

Meeting with this african guy has made the hardship that we faced pale into insignificant. Our condition is luxury to his eyes since he don't stay in a hotel in Mecca or Medina or living in a camp at Mina. He sleep where condition permit him, having the sky as his cover. Every step he made earned him blessing from Allah Almighty and he made thousands and thousands of steps to perform hajj to get Allah's blessing. Subhanallah, glory be to Allah.

Ya Allah, bless all those who has perform hajj to seek your blessing. And bless all those who pray every day for a miracle chance to perform hajj even though they are poor. Give them the pahala or rewards equal to those who has perform hajj.

May Allah bless us all. Ameen.

Aching heart

2009-11-07T22:40:00.000-08:00

It's pilgrimage season again. Today is the 20th of Zul Qa'da. Next month is Zul Hijjah - the hajj month. My hearth has been aching for quite some time now. Longing for the holy places of Mecca and Medina. The memory of performing my hajj six years ago keep on coming back to me especially when I heard friends and relatives taking their flight there.

I envy the stone on the hill along the road to Mecca. They had seen Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him, during his life time but I have not. I still hope to see him in my dream before I die. I envy the birds that hover over heads when we were performing our prayer in Kaabah. They live in the holy land of Mecca while I'm just a visitor.

The first time I performed my tawaf, surrounding the kaabah for seven times, my eyes were brimming with tears and I was speechless. No words can describe how I felt at that time. My heart was filled with many thanks to Allah for allowing me to be a guess. It was the closest I have been physically with Prophet Muhammad, performing a ritual that he has performed long before me at the very same spot. A ritual that signify the oneness of the muslim ummah regardless of country of origin, class or color. Circling around a building that does not have a single picture or idol/statue in it because muslims do not worship things but worship the one and only almighty god that does not have a shape or occupy a specific space. Allah is everywhere. Especially in the heart of the believers.

I have never fail to pray to Allah for a chance to go back there, at least for my umrah or small hajj. Please pray for me too.

May Allah bless us all.

aching - a continuous or prolonged dull pain in a part of one's body : the ache in her head worsened.

hover - remain in one place in the air : army helicopters hovered overhead.

ritual - religious or solemn ceremony consisting of a series of actionsperformed according to a prescribed order

Planting a seed

2009-11-02T20:43:00.000-08:00

"When you grow up you will shine like a star". That's the note I wrote to a student in facebook when she request to be a friend of mine. She answered back, "Thank you teacher. I will prove it to you one day". From that day onward whenever she saw me, she will wave her hand to me. I will wave back with a smile. That is one seed that I have planted. One day it will grow into a beautiful and fruitful tree.

People tend to focus their mind on negative things. Not enough effort, not good enough, not smart,.......... Culture and surrounding shape the way we think. I choose to follow the steps of Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him. He can see the strength of everyone around him. He accepted Saidina Ali's opinion (Saidina Ali was ten years old then) when older sahabat or companions wanted to brush him aside. To them Saidina Ali is a little boy not worth paying attention to but Prophet Muhammad taught them otherwise. There is a potential germ in every stone. We just have to give them a chance.

Years ago when I was picking up my then small kids from the house of the baby sitter, she was crying and scolding her third son. He sold his sister's bicycle to buy drug that he was addicted to. It was a sad picture. The mother looked so haggard while the son just looked down on the floor. I need to break the tension. I told her that despite her son's present condition, one day when she pass away, it could be that this is the son that will remember her the most in his prayer. I was planting another seed in the mind of the son. Hopefully the seed will grow one day.

That was almost fifteen years ago. I heard the baby sitter has passed away. But I don't know what happen to the son. I pray to Allah that he will always remember his mom in his prayer everyday. InsyaAllah, with the will of Allah, Allah will grant my doa or prayer. And I always pray for the best for everyone. Life is too short to fill our life with hatred that will only burn us down slowly from inside.

May Allah bless us all with wisdom and guidance. May Allah bless us all. Ameen.

haggard - looking exhausted and unwell, esp. from fatigue, worry, or suffering : I trailed on behind, haggard and disheveled.

Compassion

2009-10-25T21:57:00.000-07:00

The sound of baby cat crying at the back alley of my house startled everyone. The pitch is high and penetrate through our ear drum. My kids ran to the back to see what was going on. A small kitten, barely a month old, was crying in the drain. It was drenched with dirt. Such a poor sight. My son rescued the kitten. Later on in the evening we heard the cry of another one. A second kitten was rescued. Now I found myself with two more pets beside the pair of Serama (minute/small) chicken and a pair of rabbit. Even the pet the Allah has sent to us comes in pair. Friends of my daughter saw a group of stray dogs killing a cat the day before. That must be the poor mother of the pitiful kittens.

For a muslim this is an obligation, a responsibility. I can't let the poor kitten on its own. Allah will question me what I have done to save them in the hereafter. That is the day when our mouth can't speak (therefore can't lie). Our hand, leg, skin and others will answer the question what it has done. The eyes will tell what it has seen. The legs will tell where they have gone to. Every part will testify what it has done. I have no excuse not to rescue the kittens.

I bought milk powder for baby animal. And a feeding bottle too. The bigger kitten will drink until it is full. The smaller one require some coaching and persuasion. No wonder it is smaller in size. Litle Aiman just love the kittens. So does his bigger brothers and sister. Thank you Allah for sending these kittens to us. It is a blessing. Rescuing and rearing lost kittens like this will make our rezeki or livelihood and luck to increase. It may not necessarily in term of dollar and cent but may come in term of happiness, serenity, peace of mind and the such. Alhamdulillah, thank you Allah for giving us this chance.

May Allah bless us all. Ameen.

Startled - cause (a person or animal) to feel sudden shock or alarm : a sudden soundin the doorway startled her.

Drenched - wet thoroughly; soak : I fell in the stream and got drenched.

Rahmatan lil a'lamin

2009-10-15T06:56:00.000-07:00

I was quite early. Have to. Must make sure everything will go well. Today is one of the two days that I will carry out my experiment. With control group today.

An Indian girl peek inside the staff room searching for a teacher. Since I was nearest to the door, she asked me about Puan N. I asked around and said to her that Puan N was not in the staff room. She looked at me intently. The she asked me whether I have taught in this school before. Yes, until 2007. Then I further my study in 2008 and left the school. I came today to do my research. Then she excitedly said that she have been searching for me for a long time. I taught her Mathematics in 2007 and helped her to obtain B in PMR examination. She can still remember the advices that I have given her. Thank you teacher for making it all possible for her. Now she is taking account class and her maths now is A.

She was in form 3T in 2007. Not my class. But in my extra class, I invited all the form 3 classes. Not many from other class joint me. She's one of them. Form 3T was one of the poor class. To get B for maths, coming from such class, is quite an achievement. Fighting against social stigma and negative self image. All I did was to give my attention, coaching, and encouragement. The rest is up to them.

Islam comes as a blessing to all human kinds, plants and animals. Rahmatan lil a'lamin. Islam has an elaborate code of ethics. As a muslim teacher, I must be fair to all. Help everyone. Even students from other classes.

As I was climbing the stairs, a few boys were descending the stair. They recognize me. One even shout out loud "Teacher, I love you". That stunt me. But I remember saying the same line to my students back then. I'm getting back what I gave them. Love.

May Allah bless all my ex students. May Allah bless us all. Ameen.

Niat (intention)

2009-10-04T14:07:00.000-07:00

A few sleepless nights already, preparing the paper. Once that is done, now to prepare the slide. My maid is still on holiday in Surabaya, Indonesia, which means tons of house work for me. This would be my first academic talk as a master student on an official university's platform, alongside lecturers. While watering the plants in my garden, I reminded myself. OK Ummu Ilman, this is a platform to share your findings. Not to show off how great or smart you are. Streak of bad thoughts always come across our mind. That's the work of satan. I reminded myself of the first hadith in Sahih Bukhari:

Umar b. al-Khattab narrated that the Prophet (S) said: Deeds are [a result] only of the intentions [of the actor], and an individual is [rewarded] only according to that which he intends. Therefore, whosoever has emigrated for the sake of Allah and His messenger, then his emigration was for Allah and His messenger. Whosoever emigrated for the sake of worldly gain, or a woman [whom he desires] to marry, then his emigration is for the sake of that which [moved him] to emigrate." Narrated by Bukhari and Muslim.

While moving from plant to plant to water them (and there's a lot of plants in my treasured garden), ideas just come across my mind on what aspect to touch on and how best to present my points to make a long lasting effect. Alhamdulillah, praise be to Allah, Allah always ease me in all my endeavors.

Every presenter is given only 15 minutes to present since there are 17 presentations. Everything went on quickly. After I finished mine, surprisingly the audience clapped their hands. The first presentation to receive such respond even though the event was already in the second half. One of the terminology that I coined in my presentation was repeated a few times by a later presenter which meant that I have made a long lasting effect that I wish for. Thank you Allah for enabling me to share a piece of knowledge. All the praises that I received I return it back to Allah by saying "Alhamdulillah, all praises are for Allah". Nothing is possible without your permission, ya Allah.

To have the right niat or intention is always a struggle. Good deeds doesn't always have good intentions. And intentions is paramount in Islam. As the hadith above say Allah will reward us based on out intentions. The fact that it is the first hadith in Sahih bukhari speaks of its upmost importance in Islam. Ya Allah, please help me to always have the righteous intention in all my actions. Ameen.

May Allah bless us all.